Lovely
by MissMarie in Wonderland
Summary: Something is not quite right with Kurt. The one who notices is not who he expected, but he is the one who may be the best source of help. Or maybe he'll be the one to send Kurt off the deep end. TW: Eating disorders, self-harm
1. Chapter 1

It seemed like months since Sebastian had stepped foot in the place, even if it had only been a few weeks. He had been spending his time in Westerville, studying for quarter finals, living off instant coffee during that time. He had decided (after he began dreaming about chemical bonds) that he had earned a day off, deciding to just get in his car and drive.

He didn't even been planning to go to the coffee shop. Only once there did he realize how accustomed he had become to the Lima Bean, the scent of coffee beans and scones that all coffee shops gained at some point. The atmosphere of the place was what made him prefer it to ones closer to his home. It was small and warm, neither too noisy nor too busy for his liking. It was cozy.

Well, damned if he was actually growing fond of something in this stupid little state.

He grimaced to shake that thought from his head as he glanced up from his drink (some seasonal peppermint-mocha thing he had decided to try) just in time to see a fellow Lima Bean patron come in from out of the cold.

Oh. Things may turn fun after all. He had missed hunting for Blaine's ass while he had been off cramming. Taunting Hummel came in a close second, though.

Hummel shook his head from the doorway to knock snow off his hat (looked more like He made his way to the counter, texting with one hand with his other in his pocket. Sebastian felt an eyebrow naturally raise as two things quickly dawned on him.

One: Kurt was alone. No Blaine, no glee posse. Just him.

Two: He was clearly skipping out on his beauty regiment.

Gay-face had bags. Dark circles under his eyes, noticeable to Sebastian from half-way across the coffee shop. He was sure Kurt had some sort of nightly ritual where he applied God knows how many different creams and lotions to his face to retain that New Baby Glow. The paleness of his skin was also obvious, not that he had ever been tan in the first place. Just now, it seemed unnatural. His outfit was long-sleeved, but the hand holding the phone was out enough for Sebastian to make out the clear contorts of Gay-face's bony wrist.

_Shit,_ he thought. None of those things could be a good sign of anything. He took a closer look at Kurt as he ordered.

Then there was the bagginess of his clothes. His shirt collar was lower than what it should have been, slightly exposing his collarbone, and despite the register blocking most of his view, Sebastian could tell the rest of the outfit was hanging off of him.

Hummel didn't seem the type of person to continue wearing clothes that weren't perfectly tailored to his frame. It wasn't his style- literally or figuratively. Hell, he was such a walking stereotype, Sebastian was almost positive the kid could just take the clothes in himself if he so desired to. And maybe that was the point. Maybe he didn't want to.

That thought did nothing to ease Sebastian's suspicions.

If anything, they were just heightened.

He watched as Kurt paid for his coffee, making his way over to his usual table. He was obviously slower than the last time Sebastian had seen him. Smaller, too. Weaker. The clear lack of sleep, the loose clothes, a general decrease in livelihood. Small enough to be overlooked individually, even all together if people around him were THAT blind. He reminded Sebastian of someone. The resemblance was almost scary.

Screw the almost, it was terrifying.

Sebastian made his decision without a second thought, picking up his drink and walking over to what he had begun to call "the Klaine table.

Kurt looked up from his phone briefly at his arrival, before turning back down. "Well if it isn't the friendly neighborhood meerkat. Looking for your next costumer, Smythe?" Sebastian pasted his trademark smirk on at Kurt's insult.

"That an offer? Sorry, doll face, you're not my type. I like boys, remember? Anyways, where's Blainey?"

Kurt gave an exasperated sigh, clearly not in the mood for their usual antics, as he begun twisting the lid around his cup. "Not that it's any of your business, but if it'll make you go away, he had to make-up a test after school.

"Thanks. And no, it won't make me go away, but I appreciate you being presumptuous." Sebastian spoke as he pulled out the chair across from Kurt and eased himself into it. Kurt gave him an incredulous look, no longer playing with his coffee cup. He continued to just stare at the boy for a good ten seconds before asking:

"What're you doing, Smythe?"

Sebastian shrugged, reaching over to pick up Kurt's own coffee. "Free country, a guy can sit wherever he wants." He took the lid off himself and sniffed it before taking a sip, placing it back in front of Hummel right after. Black. Plain, black coffee. "So how's life?"

. . .

'How's life?'

. . . maybe he should have thought this plan out before actually doing it.

Well, too late now.

The incredulous look on Kurt's face changed into one of slight annoyance. "Small talk? Please. That involves subtlety, which I can tell has never been your forte. Now if you don't mind, my boyfriend should be showing up any time now. So what do you want, Smythe?" He asked as he pushed the coffee aside. What, did he think he'd get an STD from drinking it, now?

Sebastian shrugged. "To talk. I mean, Blaine's not here yet, and I'm not in the mood to hunt down a new coffee patron to harass 'til he shows up. At least with you, I can enjoy watching you squirm to think of not-so-witty insults."

"Don't think I'm too keen on acting as your entertainment for the afternoon."

Whatever had him on edge was making this more difficult than Sebastian had anticipated. Not that he had anticipated much, seeing as this was a spur-of-the-moment decision. Really, when had those ever gone well for him? God, he seriously needed to work on that whole 'think before you act' problem.

Too late to back down, though. Sebastian was stubborn. He had already make up his mind, and damned if he didn't at least figure out what was up with the kid. If he was wrong, well, thank God for that. He would probably buy Hummel an apologetic drink if it was just paranoia.

He doubted that, though.

Besides, Hummel had been right: Subtlety was not his forte. "You know, as painful as if is to admit, you seem smart, Hummel. So, you've got to know that not eating isn't going to give you that hourglass shape you want before bikini season, doll face."

Kurt looked at Sebastian as if he had just sprouted a tail and began juggling babies. "What the hell are you going off about, Smythe"

"Does Blaine know you've been starving yourself?"

Kurt's mouth dropped open. He quickly pulled himself together, looking at Sebastian disbelievingly. "What?" He gave him a (clearly forced) amused smile. "Look who's being presumptuous, now. You been spiking your own coffee again?" He reached to the side to pick his coffee cup back up, bringing it to his mouth for a drink.

"Enough, Hummel. Seriously." Sebastian made it clear from his tone of voice that he was no longer skirting around his suspicions. Kurt lowered his cup. The one thing Sebastian had figured out about Kurt was that the kid was an awful liar, evident by his (poor) attempt to hide his anxiety at the sudden conversation change. "You wanna talk like big boys for a minute?"

Kurt drummed his fingers along the cup. "No offense, but I think you're a bit out of it. I'm not starving myself. That's stupid for you to assume." Kurt gave Sebastian a (forced) look of confusion.

"Look, Hummel, I'll admit it: my flaw is jumping to conclusions. Though to be fair to myself, it is my only flaw. So here's this: You explain to me why you look the way you do, I'll drop it. Hell, I'll buy you a muffin to say I'm sorry."

Kurt didn't answer him. At least, not immediately. "Look. . . what way?" His tone seemed legitimately inquisitive, his face showing the slightest show of anxiety.

Sebastian mentally face-planted. "Like you haven't actually eaten in days." Kurt clearly tenses at this. God knows I couldn't care less if you made me getting Blaine in my bed that much easier. But not because you were an idiot who let yourself die a skeleton. Now," he paused for Kurt's sake, half-expecting him to have butt in, "you can either lie to me about it and I 'accidentally' drop a line to Blaine about it, or-"

"Don't talk to Blaine." That had caught his attention. They locked eyes, neither one letting up on the ferocity. Keeping his stare, Kurt continued, "What does it matter?" He pronounced each syllable crisp and clear, making his impatience evident.

Sebastian took in a deep breathe, unsure of how to respond. He didn't like Kurt, Kurt didn't like him. Usually, people who dislike each other aren't' too helpful. But this was different. And if Sebastian wanted Kurt to listen, he would need to be upfront.

"Maybe we're not so different after all."

Cliché, but it was the best he could think of without avoiding. Kurt raised one of those sculpted eyebrows of his, as if trying to fit puzzle pieces together.

"Wait, you. . ." Kurt cut himself over as he looked over Sebastian's shoulder to the counter. "Shit."

Sebastian turned around to see what had Hummel paling even more. Blaine was making his way to the up the the counter, sending a wave and look of confusion in their direction. "Well, looks like I won't need to text Blaine making sure you ate."

"Bite me, Smythe."

"Don't tempt me." Sebastian said, deciding now was as good a time as any to make his exit. If he hadn't managed to get anything through to Hummel by now, it was a lost cause (as much as if pained him to admit that.) Besides, humiliating Kurt in front of Blaine could only end in more mistrust between the rivals. That would definitely not be helpful with this whole ordeal. "Just keep what I said in mind. You can get my number from Blaine, or you can Facebook me, or whatever you want if you need to talk. Which you do."

All there was left for him to do was hope (pray?) that he had said something of value to make Hummel come back.

"Oh, and try ordering something with actual sugar in it next time. You look like you haven't slept in a week."

Kurt wanted to jump over the table and smack that smug little grin off the kid's face, but managed to keep his composure in front of his boyfriend. "Hey, Sebastian. What's going on?" Blaine asked when he came over to the pair.

"Just leaving, actually. Sorry, babe, but I'll have to ring you later." He threw in a wink to Blaine as he started to walk away, looking over his shoulder briefly to send a message to Kurt. "Remember, Hummel."

"What was that about?" Sebastian heard Blaine ask as he went back to his original table for his bag. Hummel made up some quick lie Sebastian couldn't quite make out (there was probably an insult buried under it,) and he could feel himself being watched as he left.

This could take a while.

* * *

Alright, so story time: this is the first fanfic I have attempted to write in -literally - YEARS. It is also my first venture into the Glee category, so I do apologize for any OOC'ness or just poor writing anywhere on my part. This also seems a bit rushed to me, but I couldn't find a way to make it slower-paced without dragging on.

This is what happens when I can't sleep at 4am and my mind gets thinking. I don't really have a specific time set for this, just that it takes place before _Michael_, but after Sebastian's first appearance. Enough time has passed for Blaine and Sebastian to get o know each other and for the Kurt-Sebastian animosity to grow. It's winter, that is as specific a time line as is needed. Just know that it will clearly be AU between those two points. Rather or not this will be a romance or simply a friendship is yet to be determined. I could go either way.

If you like it, please review. I plan on continuing this regardless of low reception, just to let you all know.


	2. Chapter 2

He couldn't be catching on.

. . . Could he?

Of course not, there wasn't even anything to 'catch on' to. Kurt immediately tried to shake the thought from his mind. No, there was no way people could be getting suspicious, least of all Sebastian Smythe. His body hadn't changed noticeably enough. Hell, despite the shrinking number on his scale, he had been discovering fat in more and more places. He was just waiting for Shue to suggest he move up in costume size.

Meerkat had mentioned something about his sleep. Yeah, he had been struggling with that lately. It was difficult to sleep when his stomach kept him up until 4am, not to mention the rest of the stress in his life.

He sighed down at his French assignment, pushing it to the edge of his bed and reaching for his laptop. He was not in the mood to be translating at the moment. Ignoring the deep rumble in his stomach, he opened his browser homepage to Facebook. Almost without thinking, he typed Sebastian's name into the search bar. They weren't friends, so Kurt could only see the basic information. Attends Dalton Academy, speaks English, French, and Dutch (Dutch? That was new; maybe he would ask Blaine about that), born December 5th. . . He noticed it still said he lived in Paris, France.

Kurt snapped himself back to attention, moving his mouse to click the message button. "What am I even doing with myself?" He wondered out loud. He had no idea if Sebastian was online, or even if he actually used his Facebook daily. He typed his message and hit 'send' before he could change his mind.

_Are you online?_

He stared at the newly opened message box for a few seconds before switching tabs, checking his e-mail. Afterwards, he grabbed his cell phone and sent a quick text to Blaine.

**Hey babe, how's studying? **That reply came almost instantly.

**Long, it better be worth it though lol **Blaine had been required to take a placement test for Spanish, due to an issue with the credit transfer from Dalton to McKinley. He has been studying like a madman at the library for the last week or so for the test on Friday, trying to remember as much as he could so as to not be forced to relearn it in a lower level class.

**You got an A last year, you know it just fine. I'm sure you can let up one night. Like tomorrow?** He heard a small beep from his laptop as he sent his text, indicating a message there.

**Don't wanna risk it. Sry, I need to get back. Call you when I get home?**

** Holding you to that**

Kurt sighed as se slid the keyboard shut. He had said he'd call last night, too. He couldn't hold a grudge, though. Cram sessions were a bitch on sleep schedules.

He moved back to his Facebook and clicked the read icon showing his message

_Yeah_

_ Did you want something?_

At the least, Kurt could appreciate Sebastian's frankness. Though if he was honest with himself, he didn't quite know where he intended to go from here. He could throw out a quick insult and end it there, pretend he had a question about French, or Blaine. . . but . . .

_We need to talk._

He could practically feel Sebastian's confusion through the laptop. He watched as the icon showed a message being typed, then halting for a good minute. Kurt's heart rate sped up, and he bit his lip. Then:

_Meet me at the Lima Bean. Tomorrow. Your choice when. But tomorrow._

Kurt didn't know rather to be relieved or terrified at the response. This would either end badly or. . . nope, this would just end badly regardless of the outcome. But there really wasn't a way to back down now.

Blaine would be at the library tomorrow starting around 5:30. That seemed like enough time to figure out just what the hell he had been thinking when he sent the first message.

_6 okay? _

Sebastian's reply came right away.

_That works fine._

Kurt sighed and leaned back before he heard another message alert from his laptop.

_Now go eat dinner_

_I mean it_

The light by Sebastian's name changed from green to white, showing that he had gone offline. Kurt bit his bottom lip, a habit he had picked up as of late with his recent anxiety. He didn't know what he was going to say to Sebastian, or if he would just let him do all the talking.

Sebastian's words had been what was on his mind throughout the day. 'Maybe we're not so different.' Kurt knew he had the tendency to read into things that weren't there, so that could be the problem. But the way Sebastian had said it, the tone of his voice and his expression...

It terrified him to think someone would catch on to his "diet". He knew it probably wasn't the healthiest idea out there, but it had done almost nothing so far. He didn't look any different, and that was what mattered. It didn't matter how small the number on his scale got, he just did not see any improvement. But if someone knew, they might make him eat. They might think it was a problem, when it wasn't. He was only thankful that no one had seemed to figure anything out so far.

Well, even he had to admit that wasn't completely true. He had noticed Santana keeping an eye on him, though with her, it could be for a number of reasons. Sam had as well, ever since he moved back from Kentucky and had started staying with their family. He was constantly asking Kurt if he was feeling alright, and had been making comments about him not looking well. Always to Kurt directly, never in front of the other Glee members or the Hummel-Hudson clan, which he was at the very least grateful for. Mike and Tina had invited him to join them at lunch at least once a week, but he always declined, coming up with some excuse of needing to practice or study or meet Blaine.

Blaine.

Something seemed off with his boyfriend lately. It seemed cliched to say he was being distant, but that was what it was. They hadn't had a chance to hang out - just the two of them, alone - in weeks. Apparently, there were issues with the credit transfers between schools, so now Blaine was stuck studying to show he knew the material. Kurt would not fault him for that. Blaine was a straight A student, and he wanted to keep it that way. Though even before he had told Kurt about that, Blaine seemed to be wary.

It was understandable, though. Everyone seemed to have changed their game as of late. The Glee club had been focusing on Regionals, with his fellow seniors also running through their post-graduations plans with one another. He was getting anxious over his NYADA callback, though it had only been a few weeks since he sent out the application. Rachel had been hounding him every chance with information she found online (Kurt wasn't entirely unsure she had obtained all of it legally.) He loved the girl, really he did, but even after three years, he still had moments of wanting to strangle her with a scarf. Especially now. It wasn't like he was unaware of just how much was depending on him getting into NYADA. Everything he had been imagining since he was a kid, all of his hopes and dreams would be decided by a stupid piece of paper.

A knock on his closed door dragged him out of his thoughts. "Hey, Kurt, your dad ordered pizza. Want some?" Finn's voice carried through the wood.

He glanced at Sebastian's last message, which he still had not closed down.

"No thanks, I already ate."

* * *

So I check my e-mail earlier to find that this has been added to story alerts by 11 people 0.o Um, okay, how do I say this. . . ? Gracias, merci, 谢谢，and thank you guys for actually liking it ：）At least I'm hoping you do, based on the alerts and reviews I received. Seeing as how the last thing I wrote was an essay on _Journey to the West,_ I'm glad to see my creative writing skills aren't totally non-existent. Although, this chapter alone is longer than that entire essay had been, so not sure what that says about my academic writing skills. . .

Anyways, reviews make me smile. Just keep that in mind :)


	3. Chapter 3

"Standing in this room, will I wonder what comes now? I know I have to help her, but hell if I know how." - I've Been, Next to Normal

* * *

The planet is pretty much out to destroy your life.

Well, that was Sebastian's theory, at least.

His classes seemed to drag on more so than usual, and he was pretty sure his drive to the Lima Bean was taking way longer than it should have. He had gone home to change and attempt to waste a few hours before his and Kurt's meeting, but that had only frustrated him every time he checked the clock. Instead, he decided to just drive to the coffee shop early, and actually plan out how this was supposed to go.

To say he was surprised at Kurt's IM last night would be an understatement. Sure, he was glad his words had somehow managed to get through to Hummel, but Sebastian had been expecting to stalk the kid until he admitted what his problem was. If Hummel was as stubborn as he seemed, Sebastian had already been planning on sending a message to Blaine in a worst case scenario. But no, Kurt had saved him the trouble of all that.

Kurt was sick. Sebastian didn't know if he was just more susceptible to notice it, or if the rest of those McKinley dweebs were just stupider than they looked. Keeping that in mind, Sebastian didn't have a clue how long it had been going on. It wasn't like Hummel had been anything but thin when Sebastian first met him, and the kid did tend to layer his clothes. If Sebastian found out the kid had been going on like this for a long time, he would mentally punch himself for not noticing beforehand.

Sebastian sighed and moved to flick his radio off. Whatever teeny-bopper pop song it had been blasting was only putting him in a worse mood. "Hummel, you better not make this too difficult, or so help me God…" He gave a sigh of relief when he finally pulled into Lima Bean, after what had seemed like hours of driving. There was a light snow fall, enough to lightly cover him between his parking spot and the shop's entrance. Taking his phone out of his pocket, he noted the time as 5:42. He also found a text from Thad an hour earlier wondering where he was (yeah, sorry Thad, but he had bigger things on his mind than Warbler's practice,) Sending a quick, not-so-truthful apology, he approached the counter to place his order.

It was just a few minutes to six when Hummel walked through the door. He raised his eyebrows at Sebastian, as if surprised he had actually shown up. Kurt started to talk to the counter when Sebastian shook his hand and waved him over. "You owe me $3.35." He told the kid, pushing the non-fat mocha he had added to his usual order across the table as Kurt sat down.

As Sebastian had expected, Kurt eyed the cup warily. "You got me coffee?"

"Well, I figured you probably hadn't had anything today, and that is a big no-no in my book, Princess Peach. No worries, I didn't poison it."

Kurt seemed tentative to wrap his hand around the drink, and once he did, that was where it stayed. "So, what did you want?"

"You messaged me, so I assumed you already had that part covered. Did you eat last night?" Kurt bit his lip and began drumming his fingers against the cup. Clearly, he was as clueless as Sebastian as to how this was supposed to go. "Kurt."

"What kind of question is that? Yeah, I did, you didn't need to tell me to like I was a six year old."

"What did you have?"

"Pizza." Kurt answered a bit too quickly.

Sebastian figured pushing a bit more couldn't do harm. "What kind?"

Kurt glared at him. "What does that even matter?"

"It matters if you're lying to someone you don't even like about this. Friends, family, I get. But if you're lying to everyone now, that tells me something."

The finger-tapping halted as Kurt finally seemed to form words. "Okay, let's just get one thing out in the open here: whatever you think my 'problem' is, you're wrong."

"How's that lie you're living working for you?"

"Oh, shut it, Chipmunk." Kurt quickly retorted. The bags under his eyes weren't as noticeable, though Sebastian knew that could have been the help of make-up, His shirt was high collared, so the collarbones Sebastian had been able to spot yesterday were hidden, but the fact of the matter was that the shirt was too big on him. If memory served, he had seen Hummel in that shirt during one of their more intense verbal spars, and it had fit fine. "Whatever you're aiming at by convincing people I have some weird food issue, just stop. You'll make a fool of yourself, and as much as that would please me, I don't want my name dragged through the mud because of it."

"You think I have some hidden agenda?" Well, that explained the nervousness and denial. Then again, so did the disorder."Please, Hummel, give me a bit more credit than that. If I wanted to ruin your non-existent reputation, I could think of a lot better ways than exposing your eating disorder."

Kurt flinched at the last words. "I don't have an eating disorder."

This was definitely more difficult than Sebastian had been hoping.

What exactly had he been hoping? That the kid would downright admit to starving himself and then Sebastian could magically help him before the week's end? Of course not. He himself had never admitted to having a problem, not even after he was whisked away to another country for three years.

Sebastian sighed, noting that Kurt had yet to take a sip of his coffee. "Okay, I'll give you a proposition here." No one ever said Sebastian Smythe was kind, and they were not about to start now. He reached into his pocket to pull out his phone and opened his contact list, flipping it around so that Kurt could see. "You and I are going to talk. No denial. And no lying, either to me or to yourself. Otherwise, I call Blaine up right here and now and ask him when the last time he saw you eat was. Something tells me I won't like the answer he'd give me, but- -"

"Don't you dare."

"Choice is yours, princess. Talk to me, or I talk to your boy toy."

Kurt just eyed him across the table, letting his grip up on his cup to place his hand on the edge of the table. "Why do you even want to know? Your enemy missing a few lunches is none of your business."

Sebastian couldn't deny he had a valid point. "Like I said, no lying. Guess that counts for both of us." Kurt's expression remained the same, waiting for an answer. "I've had issues, too. Food issues. It's like I told you the other day, maybe we're more similar than we want to think."

"So? What should it matter if you had. . . whatever eating disorder you're imaging in me? You hate me, Sebastian. I hate you. That is not going to change. So why torment me with this whole thing?"

"Because it's Hell, Hummel. Hell on Earth, and the longer you stay, the further in you'll be dragged. Maybe it doesn't seem like it now, but give it enough time, and it will. No, I am not your biggest fan. But no one deserves this. Not even you." Sebastian seemed shocked by the words out of his own m mouth, though not nearly as surprised as Kurt's expression showed. "I won't tell Blaine, or any of your other little friends, if you just tell me the truth."

He could almost see Kurt admit defeat. Was he a bastard for threatening with Blaine? Of course he was. But desperate times called for desperate measures. "Okay? We're gonna try this again: did you have dinner last night?" No answer. Hummel's eyes seemed to be glued to the table.. "Kurt."

"No." Hummel's voice was soft, with the slightest hint of shame buried in his words. "And before you ask, no, I didn't have lunch or breakfast yesterday, either."

"And the day before that?" The silence was enough of an answer for Sebastian to keep going. "When did you last eat? And don't count gum or anything in there, I mean something with enough calories to actually sustain human life."

"Someone made me eat four days ago." Kurt felt himself go back to when Sam had found him in the library during lunch, and had given him the shiny red apple after another one of his comments. 'You look sick, man. Can't skip lunch if you are, here you go.' Eating it was the only way not to cause suspicion, although Kurt had felt weighed down the rest of that day. He doubted Sebastian would consider one apple 'life sustaining,' but it was honestly all he could think of that would count.

He heard Sebastian sigh, then the still-warm coffee cup was being pressed to the back of his hand. "Drink it. You look like the walking dead, so just humor me." His voice seemed softer than it had been before, and Kurt could almost sense Sebastian repressing a 'please.' He picked up the cup, and took a sip. It took actual will-power not to spit it back up, the sweetness of the chocolate making him want to gag. He could almost feel the sugar and calories rushing down his throat, and only once he was sure it wouldn't come back up did he bother looking up at Sebastian. The boy's eyes were lacking their usual sense of superiority, and his trademark smirk was also absent. In fact, for the first time since the two had met, Sebastian was silent. He was just. . . watching Kurt, his expression blank.

Kurt took another three small sips before he felt sick and pushed it to the center of the table. Sebastian pulled it closer to himself without a second thought, and took a drink for himself. "Give me your phone."

"Why?"

"Just do it." Kurt begrudgingly handed it over, watching as Sebastian entered his number into it. He then pressed a few more buttons, resulting in his own phone vibrating. "There." He said, handing it back to Kurt. "Now you have to text me tonight with what you had for dinner. And we're meeting here tomorrow, too."

"What?" Kurt let out, seeming surprised. "Smythe, I almost didn't come today. I was honest with you, I told you the truth, and now you want to torture me some more?"

Sebastian couldn't help but laugh. "Look, Gay-face, I'm actually saving you from torture here." He looked at his phone for the time, stopping to save Kurt's number. 7:53. He still had homework to finish up, and a lie to think up for the Warblers explaining his absence today. Plus, he wanted to make sure Kurt couldn't use an excuse of 'I was too tired' to get out of eating tonight. "I think we should call it a night." He said, pushing himself out of his chair.

"I think that's the smartest thing I have ever heard you say." Kurt quickly stood up from his own chair, stopping suddenly to balance himself on the table. "Damn..." Sebastian heard him mutter.

Without thinking, Sebastian moved over closer to him. "Dizzy?" Kurt just stood there for a bit, eyes tightly shut and breathing deep. "Damn it, Hummel, you're going to be the death of me, wait here." He instructed, before making his way over to the counter. Normally, Kurt would have thought up some sarcastic little retort before outright defying the order. This time, though, he just kept still, carefully holding himself up with the table.

"Not exactly nutrisous, but if it's all you'll have, then it's better than nothing. I don't want to see that you passed out while driving and hit a girl scout or something." Sebastian returned, a new cup in his hand. "It's black, don't freak about me forcing calories into you." Kurt mumbled his thanks and downed half the cup before letting go of the table.

Once Sebastian was satisfied that Kurt wouldn't black out, he turned to leave. "Hold up." Kurt stopped him, reaching into his coat pocket. Sebastian felt himself smirk, getting what Kurt was aiming for.

"Keep your money, Hummel. Not like I need it." He replied, taking his leave without looking back. "And remember to text me."

* * *

This was written while listening to a mixture of the Next to Normal soundtrack and the French soundtrack for Mulan. That has absolutely no relevancy towards this story, I just felt like sharing. I'm not quite sure about the characterization here, rather or not I wrote them well in the context of the story...But I guess I'll find out, hmm?

Next chapter will actually have some explaining in, both on Kurt's and Sebastian's parts, and also show another issue going that they share. I'm not quite sure when that will be out, though. Hopefully by Tuesday, but I really don't know. Maybe reviews will spark my creativity? :3 Oh, and from this point on, I'll be including lyrics at the beginning of the chapters, and I may decide to go back and put them there for the first two chapters.

I think I should say put it out there that, if there are any mis-portrayals of eating disorders in this, I sincerely apologize. I have never been diagnosed with an eating disorder, but professionals have told me that I do have the mindset where one could develop. I have met many people with eating disorders, and I am a psychology student, so I am not at all clueless when it comes to them. I am also not a "master" of them, either. Anything that seems offensive is completely unintentional, and I really am sorry.

Well, I just hope you all enjoyed this.


	4. Chapter 4

It's fair to warn you all that bits of this chapter could be triggering. I had a hard time writing it without triggering myself, so I don't want to risk it with anyone else. Please, PLEASE tread cautiously if you are easily triggered.

* * *

"Make up your mind to live stronger now  
Make up your mind let the truth be revealed  
Admit what you've lost and live with the cost  
At times it does hurt to be healed." - Make Up Your Mind/Catch Me I'm Falling, Next to Normal

* * *

He hoped Sebastian was naïve enough to believe the list he sent of his "dinner" that night. In actuality, Kurt had just asked Finn what he had, and then texted the chipmunk about half of what his step-brother told him. He had told his parents he had eaten at Blaine's (since that's where he had told them he had been,) and he was grateful they bought it unquestioningly before he headed up to his room.

Kurt was exhausted. Maybe it was the emotional drain of the day, or maybe it was just due to his recent inability to sleep. He suspected a mixture of the two. It was Friday, so at least he didn't need to worry about getting up at a specific time for school. A quick little nap wouldn't hurt any. . .

Next time Kurt opened his eyes, he could see the moon through his window. The house was quiet, and his phone was brightly illuminated with missed alerts. Six texts and a call. The call was from Blaine, time-stamped just before 9, and Kurt wanted to smack himself for missing it. Without thinking, he hit redial

"'Ello?" The voice on the other line sounded groggy, and was what made Kurt realize that his clock read 3:18am.

"Shit, Blaine, I'm sorry. I fell asleep and missed your call. I didn't mean to wake you."

"S'okay, it happens."

"Go back to sleep. Just. . . call me back tomorrow, when you get a chance, yeah?"

"Yeah…" It sounded like Blaine had already started falling back asleep.

"Talk to you later. I love you."

Blaine mumbled what Kurt suspected was meant to be 'Love you, too,' before he ended the call. He sighed and moved to lay on his side while checking the texts. Two of them were from Blaine, asking if he was awake (Kurt figured the phone call had been enough of an answer there.) There was one from Tina, seeing if he would like to meet her for lunch on Sunday (he would text her back a polite decline in a few hours, in case her phone woke her up.) The last three messages were from – to his actual shock – Sebastian.

_Did you really eat that, or are you just lying to me again?_

_I'm still making you meet me tomorrow, just let me know when._

_Hummel?_

Kurt decided to respond immediately, saying that, yes, he had eaten (another lie on his part), and that he didn't care when –or if- they met. Not wanting to move out of his bed, he tossed his phone onto his nightstand and buried his head in his pillow. He had slept for a good six hours, but he still felt exhausted. It wasn't much help that he had woken up with a headache, either. Those had become more and more frequent the past few weeks. He wasn't going to risk wandering downstairs for some aspirin, in case it woke anyone up.

He kept his face in the pillow, not wanting to move. There was a near constant throb of pain in every muscle, his stomach felt like it was in a vice grip. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he had become use to that part. And the near constant cold he felt, no matter how much he wore. And the dizzy spells that were becoming more and more frequent. . .

No. Stop it, Kurt, those are just small prices to pay. You need to suck it up, man up. He had to prove to everyone, to himself, that there was at least a small part of him that deserved the love that was given to him.

Blaine could have any guy he wanted. He knew it, Blaine knew it, every gay man this side of the Mississippi knew it. Kurt was still clueless as to why Blaine had actually chosen him. If Kurt was a religious person, he would have thought that Blaine was a gift from God.

And here Kurt was, doing absolutely nothing to deserve what Blaine gave him. He wasn't the smartest, or the most talented, and he most definitely was not the best looking. Hell, he didn't even deserve the help Sebastian was offering. He was a coward, who switched schools instead of facing his problems. Who let his friends get hurt for him. Who should have been there for someone clearly in need, but was too afraid. He was weak, pathetic, hideous. . .

He stopped thinking and let his body run on autopilot. Ignoring the ache throughout his entire body and the still-present headache, he walked over to where he had discarded his bag after school. He didn't even need to dig through it, his hand just instinctively wrapped around the small, metal case.

Kurt didn't remember when he had actually bought the Altoids to eat, or if that had even been his intention when buying this one. No, actually, he specifically remembered dumping the mints into the trash. Just the tin, that was all he had needed.

The shine of the silver caught his eye in the still dark of his room. Holding it in his hands already relieved a huge burden he felt in his chest. Carefully sliding it into his pocket, he tip-toed across the hall into the bathroom. The main bedroom had direct access to this one, so he made sure to both doors before taking the razor back out.

His heartbeat sped up, and he felt another dizzy spell coming on. He decided to sit on the floor with his back against the counter,

Blaine had noticed the pale white scars (they had been together in every sense of the word, of course he would have seen them,) and could only look at Kurt with obvious sadness.

Then again, that was before Kurt had picked the habit back up again. He was grateful that they had been too consumed the night of West Side Story for Blaine to pay attention to something as bland as Kurt's forearms.

And now here he was, in the same position he once told himself would never be again. He rolled his left sleeve up, glancing at the ceiling so as to not have to look at his own self-inflicted wounds. He let his mind go blank, focusing on nothing except the sudden movement of his right arm until he felt the sharp pain in his left. He dropped the razor before looking at the damage he had done. There was a rather wide, clean cut with the ones from previous sessions.

There was just a white line for a few seconds before blood began pooling in, dark and thick. "Damn it." He muttered, not having meant to go as fast as he had. He pulled himself off the floor, but had to lean against the countertop when a massive wave of dizziness hit him. Blood loss mixed with a stomach full of just coffee was never a good combination.

Kurt closed his eyes in an attempt to regain himself, while simultaneously groping around for the towel he knew was on the countertop. When he felt his fingers wrap around it, he reopened his eyes and quickly made his way back to his room.

It took quite a bit of pressure to stem the bleeding, and Kurt regretted grabbing a white towel to do so. There was no way the blood stain was coming out of that; he would need to toss it. And sneak back in his parents' bathroom and replace it before they woke up. And make sure there hadn't been any blood drops between his room and the bathroom. . .

Well, no use trying to fall back asleep.

Kurt ended up attempting homework in the time it took for the rest of the house to wake up, though he found himself lacking the ability to focus. His calculus assignment gave him a headache, and his history textbook may as well have been written in Greek for all he understood. Eventually, he just tossed the half-completely worksheets into a pile on the floor, figuring he had the whole weekend to comprehend and get them done. He spent a good hour just lying on his bed, blasting the _Chicago_ soundtrack in his ears, ignoring the pain in his stomach.

He was brought back from his trip to the Cook County Jail by the sound of the shower across the hall pumping water through the house's pipes. His phone now told him it was just past 8am, meaning his step-mother would be up and ready to head off to her shift at the hospital, and his father would be getting ready for the day. There was a good chance Sam was already awake as well, a habit he had gotten into back in Kentucky. Kurt himself typically woke up around 9 on the weekends, enjoying the few extra hours of sleep he could get.

The phone also told him that Sebastian had texted him sometime while he was too focused on Renee Zellweger to notice. _6:12..._ Meerkat got up early on weekends.

_Meet me at the Lima Bean around 11._

Sending back a confirmation, he quickly got himself out of bed and changed into a clean outfit before moving onto the rest of his morning rituals. He used just a bit of cover-up for the circles under his eyes, and added a bit of bronzer to his moisturizer to cover the sickly white tone of his skin. He stared at himself in the bathroom mirror, glad he kept the door open so as not to have to look into the full-length one on the back. After a good minute of looking into his own eyes, he sighed in defeat and made his way downstairs.

* * *

Black coffee from a shop, Sebastian estimated that somewhere between five and ten calories.

The few sips of the mocha he had given the kid yesterday probably boosted the intake to around 40, though Sebastian did not think that could actually count.

Based on what Hummel looked like and his reaction to drinking the sweet drink before, there was no way he would have been able to eat what he had texted Sebastian. So that kept it at 40. If he had been drinking at least a few cups of plain coffee daily, Sebastian guessed that put him somewhere around (maybe?) 120 total.

120 calories.

Total.

For a **minimum** of four days.

Unless it turned out Kurt was a total caffeine junkie and drank it non-stop, but even then, no one could sustain themselves on coffee alone. Sebastian knew, he had tried. After a while, even that had become hard for his stomach to handle, and he had just wound up throwing it up after the pains became intolerable. Though, to be fair to himself, that had been after refusing everything else for almost two weeks. . .

_Digressing, Sebastian. Focus, _he told himself as he took the keys from his ignition. He would get Kurt to talk this time, as opposed to breaking him down until he admitted the truth.

He was surprised to see Kurt already inside, sitting at a table in the back and fidgeting with the sleeve of his shirt. He seemed to be reading his phone, and hadn't noticed when Sebastian entered and moved to sit across from him. "Don't you think it'll look suspicious, sitting in a coffee shop without coffee?"

"I'm not worried, they'll probably just think we're making a drug deal or something. Besides, you have some." He noted the cup in front of Hummel. "Maybe they'll think we're sharing some for an oh-so-romantic date

Kurt made a disgusted face. "Not even in your dreams, Sebastian."

Sebastian shrugged. "Your loss." He let Kurt drink, sitting in silence for a few minutes before deciding to initiate an actual dialogue. "So, talk to me, Kurt."

He watched as Kurt took his gay ol' time with the last bit of coffee. When it was clear he couldn't force any more out of the cup, Kurt sighed. "I really don't know what you want me to say, Sebastian. You're the one who decided to all but stalk me. And THEN you blackmailed me into spilling my guts."

"If I remember right, you're the one who messaged me asking us to meet yesterday. And you're the one who decided to 'spill your guts' to me. I didn't make you do anything."

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "You threatened me with my boyfriend."

"Again, I didn't force you to do anything. Not my style, believe it or not."

"'Or not' works for me." Kurt mumbled under his breath, noting that Sebastian looked genuinely offended. He seemed to perk up a bit as a thought occurred to him. "I have a proposition." He mimicked Sebastian's words from the previous day.

"Give it to me, Hummel."

"Again, not in your wildest fantasies." Sebastian couldn't help but grin at this. "I'll answer whatever you ask me. Just as long as you stop threatening to tell Blaine. Or anyone I know, for that matter."

He did not necessarily like that deal, but if it was the only way he would talk. . . "How long?" That had been the one question Sebastian needed answered. If he hadn't noticed before, he would hate himself for it. Sure, he had been a bit preoccupied with getting Blaine naked to pay much attention to Kurt, but he liked to think he would have noticed something so personal. He should have, at least.

Kurt bit his lip in pause, before realizing it would get him nowhere. "It started back up again in February. From what I can think of."

Wait, what? "What do you mean 'again'?" To think he had been doing it before Sebastian knew him was a bad enough thought. Thinking that it had been dormant and then reemerged. . . That was downright demoralizing.

"When I was a kid, I stopped eating for a while after my mom died." Sebastian felt his eyes widen a bit; he had not known that. "My dad noticed and I couldn't stand to see him cry the way he did. . . so I started again because I realized that it wouldn't make anyone feel better. Not me, not my dad, and definitely not my mom if she could see what I was doing."

"Then it happened again, right after high school started and the rest of my classmates decided that it was a good idea to pick on the kid who was flamboyantly still in the closet. I got. . . pretty small, but luckily by then my fashion sense had kicked in and layers became my best friend so my dad and none of the teachers noticed. That lasted. . . I don't know, maybe a little more than eight months?" He seemed to be talking to himself at this point, voice still hushed so no one else around them could hear. "I think my dad picked up on it, but figured it had something to do with a growth spurt. But, once sophomore year started and I joined Glee, it seemed to get better."

Sebastian was a bit shocked that he had been so honest, but he was nonetheless grateful for it. Maybe it was just fear of Blaine finding out that had made him tentative in the first place. "Okay. . . and now?"

Kurt went back to chewing on his lip before shrugging. "I'm really not sure. Honestly, the other times, I didn't even realize I had been doing it until none of my clothes fit anymore, and someone started crying. This time. . . I know I was aware of doing it, cutting back on food more and more each day. But I'm still not sure why."

That seemed honest enough. There had to have been way more going through Kurt's mind than he was unaware of, for it to have gotten to this point. "So you know it's wrong. You put a stop to it before, why not now?

"It's not. . .wrong. Okay, maybe I don't eat as much as I should. But it's not dangerous or anything, I've barely changed any. As long as it doesn't

Sebastian could only give him an incredulous look. "Kurt, you almost passed out yesterday. I saw you, I see you right now and you don't look healthy. Sure, you looked like a pre-pubescent girl when I first met you, but now I'm pretty sure you can see bones. That is not okay, and if you weren't in so deep, you would know that. If Blaine looked the way you do, I doubt you would call it 'not dangerous.'"

That finally managed to break through to Kurt. "Blaine is perfect, there is nothing about him that needs fixing." He sounded horrified at the mere thought of Blaine starving himself. "If it wasn't for Blaine. . . I don't know where I would be. Most likely not even here. I probably would have stopped eating altogether after the whole Karofksy ordeal.

"Karofksy? That big bear kid who hangs out at Scandals?" What did he have to do with anything?

Kurt felt himself tense up. Of course Sebastian wouldn't know about that, he hadn't even been in the country when it all went down, and Kurt doubted Blaine or any of the Warblers would have shared something so personal with him. "Yeah. He went to McKinley last year, and we had some issues with one another. He's. . .probably the biggest reason I switched schools in the first place."

"I'm just lucky I had already met Blaine by then, or else I don't know what I may have done. " At this point, it was almost as if Kurt was simply speaking out loud. He was no longer looking at Sebastian, his eyes weren't really focused on anything. "He's the only one who knows the whole story, he saw what I was going through and he. . . I don't even know how to put it."

"He saved you?" Sebastian piped in, reminding Kurt to his existence.

"Yeah, he did. He saw something that I didn't even know existed, and he fixed it and stopped me from all of. . . this without even knowing it." For the first time since they had begun these little discussions, Sebastian saw Kurt smile. Smile at the thought of his boyfriend, at the thought of unconditional love.

Time to put a damper in that. "Not that any of that matters now, because you're back to starving yourself. Basically, you're going backwards. If Blaine worked so hard to put you back together, why are you going back to this thing?"

Kurt's eyes flickered down, trying not to look ashamed in front of someone he all but hated. "I don't know." He whispered. He exuberated an air of self-assurance, but it was becoming clearer just how fragile that confidence was.

"So do you want to let him see you've destroyed yourself?" Sebastian knew he was beginning to sound like a dick. He didn't really care. He wasn't going to dance around the truth, what Kurt needed was brutal honesty. "Because if you keep going like this, you're going to end up in the hospital, being force-fed before being shipped off to a mental hospital which won't do a damn bit of good because none of them know what they're doing."

Kurt snapped his head back up. His facial expression seemed softer, less humiliated and more curious. "What happened with you?"

To be honest with himself, Sebastian should have seen that question coming. Still, he hesitated before answering. "The usual, self-hatred with a dash of control issues. I started cutting, too." He noticed the way Kurt's eyes became more attentive at that. That was something he hated sharing, probably more than admitting to the disorder. "As stupid as it was, those were the best sources of help I was willing to take. And that's what my parents did to me, forced me to get help. But you know what? In the end, I gave up on that. Or maybe it gave up on me, I don't really know. The shrinks and doctors they sent me to were clueless, so how could they help me? Ultimately, I had to realize for myself I could either get better, or die."

He didn't feel the need to tell Kurt that it had been one of the most difficult choices he had ever made, and initially, he had chosen the latter. He didn't tell Kurt it took almost dying more than once to admit that things needed to be fixed. And he most definitely did not tell Kurt that he had hit a rock bottom beyond his conception before he was willing to pick himself up.

"I didn't want that. But no one else had a chance of helping me, so I had to help myself. And now, I'm gonna help you. So it doesn't take a near death experience to see how deep you're in here."

Kurt went back to his lip-biting (that was starting to get on Sebastian's nerves.) "Sebastian, look, I'm grateful, and a bit. . . shocked, that you want me to 'get better'. I appreciate it, I really do. But I don't need –-"

"Kurt, shut up. Don't tell me you don't need help, because I can see that you do. Even if you can't. And soon, everyone else is going to see it, too. Then you'll be exactly where I was, and no one want to be there. I think at this point, you need help more than anything. Now, you can either take it from me, or from a bunch of crackpots who make their living convincing people they have an Oedipus complex. And you can break Blaine's dweeby little heart in the process."

He didn't want to know what was going through Kurt's head at the moment. Gay-face was obviously in an unstable mindset, and Sebastian knew this meeting would either make or break him. Quite literally, he already looked like he would shatter at the slightest touch. If Hummel refused, the only other resolution was to tell Blaine, or anyone else who would force him to eat. And that may be even more harmful than leaving him on his own.

"Okay."

Sebastian needed to assure himself. "Okay?" Kurt gave a small, almost undetectable nod.

"Okay. I need help this time. Blaine doesn't deserve to see me like that, my family and friends don't. I. . .I can't do it my own this time. And since you're willing and have. . . done it before, I'll. . . let you help me."

Sebastian felt himself smile. Not grin, not smirk. A genuine smile, a smile for Kurt. A feeling of relief went through him, before one of realization set in.

He knew this was where his job began.

And damned if he let himself fail.

* * *

I was writing the self harm scene when my iPod decided to start playing 'Not the Boy Next Door' from Kurt's NYADA audition and it made me feel like an awful person. I feel like a sadist for putting him through this, but it needed to be explained… and then I put the song on replay because I am apparently a masochist. . .

I realize that this chapter seemed to point in the Klaine direction, but I have plans for that. I have seen many fics that make Blaine out to have been a total dick throughout their entire relationship, and I'm trying to avoid that. It won't remain a little paradise forever though, so if you're worrisome about that, don't be.

I also have the desire to shamelessly whore myself out here: I do have an obsession with tumblr, so if you would like to, follow either wonderlands-misplaced-habitant OR missmarie-in-wonderland, depending on what sort of blog tickles your fancy.

One final note: I see y'all favoriting this and putting it on your alert lists. I know y'all are out there. Please love me with reviews? They make me smile. I like to smile. Help me out here, dearies. Things will be picking up pace next chapter, with a bit more heart-to-heart, a bit of New Direction interaction, and all that jazz. So stay tuned.


	5. Chapter 5

_"From facing your failure,_  
_Facing your loneliness_  
_Facing the fact that you live a lie_  
_Yes, you live a lie - Tell you why_  
_You're always preaching not to be numb_  
_When that's how you thrive_  
_You pretend to create and observe_  
_When you really detach from feeling alive" _- Goodbye Love, Rent

* * *

Their meeting the next day merely consisted of Sebastian laying down a few rules. Well, that's what they were essentially. To use his exact words, "If you don't want to brake Blainey boo's little heart, you need to actually do what I say." He had not been lying when he told Sebastian he needed help. The issue was telling himself it when he was alone. Sebastian was having him text him twice a day with what he has eaten (he had originally demanded a photo message sent to him, but Kurt convinced him taking a photo of his every meal would probably catch someone's attention.) He had obeyed, of course, though as much as Kurt hated himself for it, he was not always as honest as he should have been. Case in point, he had sent a text at lunch saying he had eaten a small bowl of soup and an apple. Half the apple and two spoonfuls of soup later, he found his stomach (naturally) rejecting the food in the boys' bathroom. Well, maybe not so naturally.

A part of him knew it was wrong to lie. Not just to Sebastian, but to Blaine, his family, everyone. To himself, as well. There was a difference, he had long ago realized, between needing and wanting something. He **wanted** to be deserving of Blaine. He **wanted** to be lovely. He **wanted** to starve, to cut, to be so small it was as if he didn't exist. Was he proud of himself? On the contrary, he didn't think he could hate himself anymore. It'd be worth it in the end, though. This all served a purpose, and he knew Blaine would be grateful. Until then, though, he **needed ** to continue, before everyone realized just how pathetic he really was.

Glee practice was not at all kind to his situation, either. Mr. Shue had been making a bit of a fuss lately on how their choreography was getting sloppy, saying how they needed to step it up for Regionals. This meant spending one day a week focused solely on dancing, with Mike and Brittany front and center serving as examples. Kurt would have previously accepted this as a giant waste of time. He had never been a weak dancer, and normally this would just be unnecessary extra practice. But even he had to admit he was starting to slip. His timing was getting off. His limbs seemed to be heavier than ever before, and his body was moving slower. He tried not to think about that last bit, it meant he wasn't improving anything. It was a step in the opposite direction. . .

It's good for you, it's one step closer to where you need to be, he told himself as soon as rehearsal began and the music started playing. He kept his eyes locked on Brittany, doing everything to copy her move for move. Unfortunately, this was getting increasingly difficult as practice ran on. His head began pounding the minute he began moving, the lights above their heads being no help whatsoever (he wondered why, for the love of all things holy, Schuester decided to have the stage lights on).

The lights, the black stage, Brittany; it all began to mix together in his vision, with the music's tempo completely lost to him.

Next thing Kurt knew, he was lying on the stage floor. His eyes were still open, and he had felt himself crash into Sam when he had lost his balance. He could see, he could hear the others rushing around him. He just couldn't move.

"Oh my God, Kurt, are you okay?" Blaine had immediately come to kneel down beside him as Sam helped him sit up. It took Kurt a minute to snap back to reality, during which time all he was focus on was the look on Blaine's face. "Kurt?"

By this time, the whole Glee club was standing around him. Tina had bent down to help Blaine support him. He gave a small nod, knowing anything more would make the dizziness worse. "Yeah, I'm fine." Even though he was still sitting on the floor, his body began to waver, and Blaine reached out to steady him.

"No, you're not. Are you sick or something?" Finn asked. A few other voices piped in with similar statements, but they all just seemed to mix together in his head into one unintelligible screech.

"Kurt, you should head home for the day."

"No, it's okay." Kurt quickly rejected Mr. Schuester's suggestion. "I'm probably just a little dehydrated." At this, he felt someone (Mike, maybe? He didn't bother to look up) hand him a bottle of water, which he quietly accepted. Of course, dehydration. Mixed with insomnia. And a stomach with less food in it than the average two year old. But saying it was dehydration didn't technically make him a liar. "I'll be fine."

His teacher eyed him warily. "Okay, well, at least sit out the rest of practice. We don't want you getting hurt." Before he could reply, he felt Blaine pull him to his feet and lead him off the stage. He was still holding the water bottle, not yet having drank from it. The club watched them go down the steps, mixed expressions on their face. "Okay, guys, back to work."

"Blaine, I can walk just fine." Kurt told his boyfriend when they had reached the middle of the auditorium. He let himself fall back into one of the seats, noting how Blaine's eyes looked up and down his body. He felt himself dry swallow.

He waited for Blaine to move back to join their fellow club members, and gave him a questioning look when it didn't happen. "Are you sure you're okay? You've been looking awful lately, and I say that with as much love as possible."

Love he didn't deserve. "I'm alright. Just. . . you know, all this NYADA stress and school is starting to get to me, I think I'm getting sick or something. " Again, not technically a lie. Blaine's eyes turned sympathetic. No, don't do that, it isn't worth sympathy.

"You're way too close to your limit, babe, this isn't healthy." No, it wasn't. It was a necessary evil, all for you, though. "I think you need a night to just relax." Saying this, Blaine smiled. "We still on for tonight?"

Kurt couldn't help but smile himself. Ever since his dad won the election, he had been splitting his time between Ohio and DC, often taking Carol along for company. This meant that the three teenage boys of the house were often left alone. They had made agreements as to exactly how the time would be spent, too. For example, Sam and Finn had let Kurt have the house to himself for a date with Blaine, while Finn went out with Rachel and slept over at Puck's. Sam had decided to borrow Kurt's car for the night and spend the weekend visiting Kentucky. "Of course. It feels like we haven't seen each other in forever."

"Well that's cause we haven't. Tonight, though, I'm all yours." Kurt couldn't help but think about the vast amount of innuendos one mister Sebastian Smythe would make if he was present. "I'll probably be over after 7, I want to get a bit of studying in first."

"You're not one to talk about overworking yourself, _querido." _ Kurt said teasingly, feeling some of his energy returning to him.

"Then I guess tonight will be a relaxation date for both of us."

"Hey, Frodo, stop eye humping Kurt and come suffer with the rest of us. He's incapacitated, you're not." They heard Santana yell at them from the stage.

"Guess I'll see you later." He quickly placed a kiss on Kurt's lips. "And drink that." Blaine watched as Kurt unscrewed the cap and took a drink. Blaine smiled before rushing back to the stage, and Kurt mentally slapped himself. Stupid, stupid boy. Now they would be worried about him, and that would be a waste of their time. And if they found anything out, he was a dead man.

No, be more careful, Kurt. Try to keep a bit more down. More water, more coffee. You can do this, you can fix this.

* * *

Finn and Sam had been pushing him to call off the little date, saying that they should just stay in tonight and relax if Kurt wasn't feeling well. He had practically forced them out the door, saying a little dehydration never killed anyone, and that they had people waiting for them. Not ten minutes after they left, Blaine showed up at his front door. Half an hour (and a forgotten Gilmore Girls rerun) later, they both found themselves in the familiarity of Kurt's bedroom, locked in a long-awaited make out session.

God, Kurt had missed Blaine. He missed his small hands and soft hair. He missed how he made him feel protected and safe, and just all around loved in a way he had never thought possible.

Which he was promptly reminded of as soon as he felt Blaine's hand creep under his shirt and up his bare back.

Kurt quickly pushed himself away, causing Blaine's hand to withdraw. "No, um. . . "

Blaine gave him a look, something between hurt and anger with a dash of 'what the hell.' "Kurt, what has been up with you lately? It's like whenever we're together, everything is fine until we start to move past clothes and then you just freak out. We've had sex, Kurt, it's not like we've never done anything."

You hadn't seen him in the light, you hadn't seen his disfigurement. You wouldn't be able to handle it; I'm trying to spare you. Just for a while, just until I actually deserve you.

No, he couldn't explain. Blaine didn't need to know. "It just isn't a good time. Finn or Sam could come back at any time, I'd rather not have them walk in on us." Keep lying, sweetheart, you're becoming a pro.

"They gave you the house for the night. Sam's probably not even in the state anymore, and I'd rather not know what Finn is up to. I'm pretty sure they won't just walk back in." Shit, had he told Blaine the boys would be out? He couldn't remember. God, his head was pounding. "Kurt, please don't lie to me. I'm sorry, did I do something wrong?" No, baby, you are perfect, you are far too perfect. "Why don't you want to be close?"

"Because I just don't want to. God, why won't you just accept that and drop it?" He didn't bother to hide the irritation and sharpness behind his words. His eyes were stinging, trying not to cry, and he just knew he had said the wrong thing.

Blaine looked over his face, as if staring at it long enough would give him the answers Kurt refused. "I think I should go." He finally said, pushing himself off of the bed and looking around for his school bag.

"Blaine, please don't go." Kurt had meant for it to be a plea, but his voice was lacking in emotion. For the first time, Kurt realized just how exhausted he was. He wanted to just close his eyes and keep them closed until this was all over. That was all he wanted. No, that wasn't true. He wanted Blaine. He needed Blaine to stay. This was all for him, he couldn't just leave.

"I'll call you tonight, okay?"

Kurt didn't answer him. He just lied back against his pillows and watched his boyfriend leave. As soon as he heard Blaine's car pull out of the driveway, he felt himself begin to shake. It was all he could do not to race after the car. A dizzy spell hit him (he was getting fed up with those), but he got off the bed anyways, reaching for his messenger bag.

Kurt felt his heart beating in his ears, his skin grow colder than before. The razor felt just as cold as he went back to sit on the bed. His hand was still shaking when he pressed it to the soft skin just below his elbow, causing it to run jaggedly across. It was not as deep as he would have liked, but it bled. A lot. _Not enough, I just fucked up so badly, I'm sorry. _He brought it back to his arm and repeated his action, harsher and faster, over and over again until he felt a healing scab being ripped through with the razor.

The intense stinging sensation from both the scab and the several new cuts eventually brought him back to his senses.

He noted the blood running in thick droplets to his carpet. _That's a lot. That's too much._ He thought as panic set in. His breathing sped up, and the room seemed to go on a sudden tilt.

Before he could think, his phone was in his hand, typing his address and a quick plea before hitting 'send'

_Door's unlocked_

_Come help me_

_Please_

* * *

To say Sebastian was taken aback by the text would be an understatement.

More accurately, he had to use every bit of his self control not to Google Map the address and take off in the first car he could see. As it so happened, his split second of shock was quickly brought back down by sheer will power. He put his phone back in his pocket and stood to leave. "Sorry, gents, I have another engagement to get to."

"What's his name?" He heard Nick joke as he pulled his jacket on.

Sebastian forced himself to smirk. "Please, names just overcomplicate things." He gave one last farewell to his fellow Warblers, silently thanking whatever higher power existed (as opposed to Jeff having made the suggestion in the first place) that they had all decided to get coffee after practice today of all days.

He was not familiar with the majority of Lima, and he found himself cursing whenever he lost his way. He realized there was very little likelihood that has was obeying the speed limit, not that he cared. Hummel had been downright refusing help until just a few days ago. Sebastian couldn't even be sure he was eating since then, with no way of knowing if Kurt was being honest with him. But here he was, begging Sebastian for help. That was a warning sign if he ever saw one.

Eventually, he managed to stop swearing at other drivers and his GPS enough to actually track the house down. He could not help but hesitate before exiting the car door. Whatever was up with Gayface had to be big, and he felt frightened about what he would find inside. The door was open, just like the text had said, and the first thing he saw was Hummel, sitting on a sofa, eyes wide with an emotion he couldn't name.

Sebastian took in the boy, noting how he was curled in on himself, in too large clothes in a too quiet house. Noting the way he was shaking, and Sebastian doubted it was from the cold. Noting the white towel wrapped tightly around his left arm and the way it was practically being dyed pink right then and there.

"Damn it, Hummel."

* * *

I have mixed feeling about this chapter, but it is what it is. Things WILL pick up next chapter, and hopefully it will be out in a day or two, so long as my life does not decide to freak out of contro (again)l. Oh, not sure if anyone out there cares or not, but when Kurt said 'querido,' that's Spanish for beloved/sweetheart, I believe. I was trying to be cute. I'm sorry for my failure.

Kurt and Blaine will not be together for the whole story (or for veryy much longer, for that matter), so if it seems like this chapter in any way hinted towards Klaine endgame, know it is because, from Kurt's perspective, they are. But I'm the author, and I say no, so Kurt can suck it. (It =/= Blaine, by the way).

Coming Soon to a Story Near You: Sebastian will knock some actual sense into Kurt, more trouble will emerge with Blaine in Kurt (though that may take until the chapter afterwards,) and I will get everyone's favorite meerkat talking on a personal level. All these goodies and more could be yours, by simply pressing that little button saying review.


	6. Chapter 6

"I won't let you give us one less heart to break." - Patent Pending

* * *

If the look on his face was an indicator, Kurt seemed to have lost the ability to form words. He just watched, wide-eyed, as Sebastian walked into the house and sat beside him. He opened and shut his mouth a few times, trying to get his mouth to work.

"I. . . I'm sorry, I didn't know what else to do, and I ju. . . you said you did before, so I figured you. . . I don't know, I'm sorry."

"Shut up." He didn't bother trying to tone down the sharp edge in his voice. "Okay? Let me see." He reached for Kurt's arm, but the (much) smaller boy instantly pulled back. "I can't do anything if you don't show me." Kurt gave no sign of approval, but did not recoil when Sebastian lightly grabbed his arm and unwrapped the towel.

He gave a deep sigh once he saw the marks, also noting the older cuts and healed scars. Most of the new ones had stopped bleeding as badly, but about four or five were still dripping after the towel was removed. He laid the towel flat on Kurt's knee, and then moved his arm on top of it. "Where's your kitchen?"

With Kurt's direction, Sebastian managed to track down a bottle of water and a clean hand towel. When he went back to the living room, he had found Kurt sitting properly now, using the edge of the towel to press against the cuts. He sat back down next to him, using the water bottle to wet the clean section of the blood-soaked towel and pushing it towards Kurt. "Here, clean yourself up."

Kurt wordlessly did what he was told, and after a few minutes, there was only blood occasionally pooling in the wider cuts. When he was sure nothing required stitches (maybe he should find some butterfly sutures, just in case. . . ), he spoke again. "I don't know if you have bandages or whatever, but if you do, wait a bit before using them." Kurt nodded, and it was only after Sebastian was sure he wouldn't freak out that he realized exactly what he had gotten himself into.

Here he was, standing in Kurt Barbie-Doll Hummel's house, after walking in on the princess bleeding out on the couch. Even he was having difficulty believing it. Not because he was the sort of person to leave someone in that state, because despite popular belief, he wasn't a total bastard. Was he nice? Hell no, he wasn't. He was a downright dick more often than not, who had a tendency to speak before thinking and was way too careless with both other's feelings and his own body. He was rude, crude, and downright manipulative at times. He was not, however, heartless.

He did not pretend to like anyone, and Kurt was no exception. Yet no matter how he acted, how grating the kid's speaking voice could be and the fact that he was the only thing standing between Sebastian and a naked Blaine, he did not deserve this. Whatever was going through his head was obviously wrong, because nothing could ever validate this type of self-destruction. Then again, Sebastian understood far more than he ever wanted to admit. Even he still struggled, though he knew telling that to Kurt would only make him look like a hypocrite. No one had been an example to him of just how badly he was fucking things up for himself, and he had to learn the hard way. And no matter what sort of history he shared with Hummel, no matter the animosity between them, Sebastian refused to sit there helplessly and watch as he dug himself an early grave.

There was a rather long, awkward silence as they both seemed to take the situation in. Kurt was using the clean towel to dab at his arm whenever blood began to pool out; Sebastian was sitting back against the couch, watching out of the corner of his eye.

Sebastian hated quiet, so he decided to put an end to it. "When were you going to tell me you cut?"

Kurt sniffled softly. "I guess I figured if you found out, you found out. If not, then there wasn't a reason to tell you." His voice was unnaturally soft.

"Sort of like how you weren't planning on telling people about not eating unless they found out?"

"Yeah, sort of like that." Sebastian sighed again. Hummel was a lot more difficult than he had been expecting. Nonetheless, this all had to stop. One way or another. "I almost passed out during Glee rehearsal."

"What?" Sebastian sounded so pissed, it actually made Kurt flinch.

"I had, um. . . gotten sick after lunch so there wasn't anything in my stomach. Then our choreography was all over the place and the stage lights were on, and I guess it was too much, and next thing I know, I was on the floor." By this time, Sebastian had turned to look at him, but he was keeping his eyes focused on his own lap. He didn't want to make eye contact, he couldn't make eye contact, he must not make eye contact. "I told everyone it was just exhaustion, that I was sick from stress and all that jazz. I'm pretty sure some of them didn't believe me, but most of them did, so no one questioned it."

"Are all public school kids stupid, or is McKinley just special?"

"They trust me." Kurt retorted a bit too quickly. Once his own brain registered what it had said, he went quiet. "They shouldn't, but they do."

_They trust me way too much. . .if they ever find out, it'll kill them, they'll hate me. . . _"You said your stomach was empty because you were sick?" A nod "Were you actually _sick_ or did you make yourself get rid of it?" The guilty look and silence was answer enough. "Kurt."

A sudden wave of recognition seemed to hit Kurt. "Thank you for stopping by, Sebastian, and I'm sorry for making you go out of your way. I'll. . . I don't know, pay for the gas or whatever, but I'm okay now. You can go home."

"Not happening, Liberace, You see, now I'm a part of this. And if I get a phone call from Blaine in the middle of the night saying he found you bleeding out or in the hospital with the same weight as a nine year old girl, I just might have to kill you myself." Sebastian needed to get through to Kurt, and he needed to talk. "So, do you want to tell me why you decided to carve yourself up this lovely evening?"

Kurt wrung the clean towel in his hands, biting his lip in his nervousness. "Blaine and I had a fight. Sort of, I actually just started saying some stupid things and he got mad and -."

"Don't start with that. Just tell me what happened."

Kurt nodded, realizing he was emotional and that would not bode well. Facts, stick to what went down. "I have the house to myself for the night, and since we haven't had much alone time lately, he came over. Things got a little. . .intense, and I freaked out because I didn't want him to _see_ anything. Then he started asking why I barely even let him touch me anymore, and I just yelled at him, and he left."

"And so you decided hacking your arm to pieces would help?" Sebastian knew that wasn't fair for him to say, since he understood how it seemed the best, if not, only solution in intense situations. Before Kurt had a chance to answer him, he asked another question. "Okay, say Blaine decided to come back after you fought and found you instead of me."

Kurt's eyes immediately grew wide, and he snapped his eyes up to look at Sebastian for the first time since his arrival. "That can't happen." Sebastian could feel the fear in his words. "I don't want that, he can't find out."

"Well, eventually he will. Eventually, everyone will find out. Maybe it'll be an accident, maybe you pass out again and they take you to the hospital and they find it there. Or maybe a coroner discovers it because you were stupid enough to let your body shut down from starvation. Doesn't really matter how, but they will find out."

"God, must you be so pretentious?" Kurt snapped. "Just because you understand your own issues doesn't mean you understand mine. I'm not like you; I know what I'm doing with my life. I'm not going to kill myself."

"Yet."

"Shut the hell up." His throat hurt. His head hurt and his arms hurt and he wanted nothing more than to just go upstairs, call Blaine to apologize, and fall asleep. But that wasn't likely to happen. God, he had really fucked up. Had he been so careless that even _**Sebastian fucking Smythe**_ was able to see it? And now Blaine was mad at him, and honestly, Kurt couldn't blame him.

He watched as Sebastian leaned his head back. "So explain it to me, then. Whatever you need to say, say it. I won't use it against you, I'm not going to go tell Blaine or your blind little idiots of friends. Just tell me why, that is all I want. Tell me and we can both move on from there."

It seemed like the air suddenly grew thicker. Despite their obvious animosity, there was something about seeing Sebastian like this that made Kurt want to trust him. "Last year was probably the worst year of my life. Well, second worst, after my mom died. My dad almost died in the beginning, and then there was this. . . guy who seemed to make it his life's mission to make mine Hell. He actually kissed me, he was constantly assaulting me. At one point, he even threatened to kill me. I mean, I know now that he was just _extremely _confused about himself and insecure. I don't hate him anymore, but back then. . . I was so scared every single day. I guess the only person I hated more than him was myself. That's when the not eating started up again, and the cutting got to its worst point."

"And then after I met Blaine, everything seemed to fall into place. He's the reason I decided to transfer to Dalton, he explained the first day we met how it had been his escape, and it could be mine, too. I thought everything was getting better."

Sebastian had been listening intently at this point, his brain working at a rapid speed. He remembered Kurt mentioning something about trouble with Karofsky last time they'd met. Had that been the kid who attacked him? Sebastian could feel his blood start to boil. "What happened?"

Kurt smiled softly. "I started thinking. I mean, my family loves me, and Blaine loves me. I have great friends here, and I made more at Dalton. There is just so much good in my life, and. . . I realized that I don't deserve it."

Sebastian could hear his voice crack. "I'm not the smartest, or the most talented, and I'm definitely _**not**_ the best looking." Was he really explaining all of this to his enemy? "I'm a coward, I ran away from David when he clearly needed someone, and I left my friends to fight for me. A few of the guys from Glee confronted him for me and wound up getting hurt. I wasn't even able to make things okay enough to transfer back to McKinley, it's really all because of Santana I did. And even after transferring back to McKinley, I felt guilty for leaving the friends I'd gained at Dalton, like I had just used them until it was okay not to hide. And Blaine. . . Blaine has done so much for me, I can honestly say he saved my life. And he deserves someone perfect, because that's what he is. He should never settle for less."

"I can at least make myself physically perfect for him. For everyone, and then they'll finally have something worth loving. It'll give them what they deserve, and it'll give me what I deserve for being such a weak person."

That seemed to strike a chord in Sebastian, and he began putting pieces together. "So. . . it's both for everyone else to give them something back, and a punishment for you?" Kurt hesitated before nodding. It seemed he hadn't exactly realized that until this moment. "Alright, I can get that. It's total crap, but I can get it."

"Go to Hell."

"Been there, done that, sweetheart. Lookie here, Hummel: maybe you think you have control over this whole thing, but you don't. Don't interrupt me." He said when Kurt started to speak. "I think the fact that you chose keeping it a secret over hopping on your boyfriend is proof enough that it has control over you. Because I thought the same thing. I had everything under control. I would stop when I wanted to, when things got way out of hand. But I didn't." Kurt seemed to listen more when he brought up his own experiences, he had come to realize, and now was no exception. "Twice I wound up in the hospital because I was way too thin, another time with stitches from cutting too deep, and. . . I was in there one more time before things started making sense."

Kurt had remained absolutely silent, but attentive nonetheless. Sebastian was being honest with him, and that to him showed a certain level of mutual trust. Trust between two people who could only understand the desire to slowly self-destruct from the inside out.

And maybe that was enough.

"Don't get me wrong, I am a total bastard who probably deserves a few punches to the face for general asshole-itude But that doesn't mean you deserve _**any **_of this. If people love you, then it's for a reason. And finding out what you are doing? That's gonna kill them."

"I'll stop."

Sebastian raised an eyebrow at Kurt's abruptness. "That's what you've been saying for the past week, and it's been a lie. If you're just going to fuck with my trust, then I'm not going to waste my time. But if you honestly say you will try to stop, and trust me to help you, then that's what you'll get."

"Yeah. I will. I mean it; I honestly need to get better."

"Alright. Wait here, I'll be right back." And when he came back, Kurt saw he had found the fruit they kept stored around the kitchen "Eat this." Kurt just eyed the fruit incredulously. "What?"

"Sebastian, you are the LAST person I will eat a banana around."

Sebastian looked at the fruit for a few seconds, before he started laughing."Believe me when I say I hadn't even thought of that. God, I'm even more of a sex addict than I thought." Kurt laughed now, too. And it felt good to genuinely laugh.

He forced himself to eat it (avoiding Sebastian's facial expressions as he did so,) and the meerkat insisted on waiting another half an hour to make sure Kurt didn't throw it up. He wouldn't have, though. He really wouldn't. After Sebastian was convinced he was in a much improved mental state, he decided to head back to Westerville.

Before he left, he insisted Kurt continue with the meal texting "If you send me nothing because you ate nothing, so be it. Just don't lie to me anymore." The two of them made a deal to meet Monday at the Lima Bean to talk about things in person, when both would have much calmer heads. He also had Kurt make a promise. "If you want to cut, call me. I don't care what the reason is, or what time it is, or any of that shit. And don't give me some crap about bothering me. Call me, or I will find out and I will beat your ass."

And Kurt promised.

This was a long night. His arms still ached, and he managed to track down some bandages in the upstairs bathroom to cover them. Not for the first time, he was grateful beyond all comprehension that it was Winter in Ohio, so he at least had another month and half before wearing long sleeves 24/7 became suspicious. Finn and Sam wouldn't be back until the morning, but he felt that was okay. He returned to his bedroom ready to pass out, finding one missed call from Blaine. He sent a text, promising they would talk in person at school, before he completely fell asleep.

The rest of the weekend went by in a blur. He did as Sebastian asked, texting him the little food he did manage to eat. He did get a rather.. . intimidating text Sunday morning after saying he had thrown his lunch up (_Keep the rest down or face my wrath, Princess.) _Finn had called their parents Friday evening to notify them about passing out, and they had both freaked out on him upon their homecoming Sunday evening. After repeating his 'stress' excuse, they had all had a quick chat about him needing to calm down, and that he had done everything he could up until this point. While he didn't exactly believe them, he convinced them he did and would follow their advice.

When Monday did arrive, his first course of action was finding Blaine and apologizing. Blaine apologized as well, and Kurt suddenly thought himself an idiot for having cut in the first place (_was that an improvement?_) The Glee Club kids were keeping an eye on him after his little fainting spell, but most of them seemed to be convinced he was okay after watching him for the first few hours.

He was not fully comfortable with eating in general, let alone in front of his friends, so he decided to have his lunch in the peace and quiet of the choir room. Well, he had hoped

The sudden slam of the choir room door and the sound of heels on linoleum made him look up from the piano bench. "Alright, My Little Pony, here's the deal. You're going to come with me to eat, or else Auntie Snix is going to have to pay you a little visit, get me?"

There were times when he forgot just how intimidating Santana could be. Times like this were when he remembered. "What are you talking about. . . ?" He asked tentatively.

Santana crossed her arms. "Don't play dumb with me, I know you haven't been eating. And yeah, maybe I wasn't happy about it, but I figured you at least had enough brains to eat when it became necessary. But that little fainting stunt you pulled on Friday was it for me. Mm-mm, not happening. You're eating if I have to spoon-feed you myself."

After knowing the girl for three years, Kurt had learned when she was about to go into full-on rage mode, such as now. He decided honesty was the best policy when it came to everyone's favorite Devil in Disguise. "Okay, Santana? Thank you for the concern. Really, thank you. But I'm taking care of it."If he didn't know any better, he would have though Santana was about to slap him. Actually, he wasn't convinced she wouldn't, with the look she directed at him. "No, Santana, I'm being serious. See?" He showed her the orange he had half peeled and eaten, and the murderous look stayed on her face. "You're right; I haven't been eating much lately."

"Understatement? Kurt, you look like a well-manicured version of my Aunt Consuelo right after she stopped doing crack."

. . . "_Anyways, _I'm taking care of it. Someone confronted me about it a while ago, and he's been… helping me." It was still weird for him to think that Sebastian was actually **helping** him, but that was the most simplistic truth.

"Who?"

Well, there was no way this could end well. "It's Sebastian Smythe."

Kurt watched her gorgeously shaped eyebrows rise. "Bitchlet? What the hell, are you suicidal or something?"

_Yes. _"He figured it out and harassed me about it, and convinced me it had to end. He's helping me, he's checking in on everything I eat. Not much, yet, but I'm getting there." _I'm hating myself with every single bite and forcing myself not to throw it back up, but I'm getting there._

Santana still looked at him, her mouth slightly open. "Fine. As long as you quit looking like a Halloween decoration, then I'm okay. But make sure to tell Pretty Boy that if he messes with you in the slightest, he's going to wake up the next morning in a crate headed for Bangkok, and I can promise it'll be a lot less fun than it sounds to him." Kurt had to laugh at this, and he saw her smile at the sound. She leaned back against the piano to get a better look at him. "So I'm taking it Bilbo Baggins doesn't know?"

"No. And please, Santana, I'm begging you not to tell him. If the time comes where I need to, I will, but just don't."

"Relax, I won't tell him. Or anyone else, but I'm pretty sure a few other people have noticed. If they start giving you crap about it, let me know and I'll sort them out. And give Smythe my message." She turned to leave, her skirt swishing as she walked. "By the way, just take care of yourself. No one messes with my gays, not even themselves. Got it?"

"Yes ma'am."

* * *

I love Santana. I honest and truly do. She's like a mama bear. A mama bear with sass. And Naya does have great eyebrows, I couldn't help but mention them. I know how next chapter will go, and it shall begin the downfall of Klaine. I don't know about the rest of you, but it's supposed to be pushing 100 degrees on Thursday here, so that means I should be spending that day in my nice, air-conditioned bedroom typing up that chapter. I don't know how long winter in Ohio is, but I live in Michigan, so I'm guessing the two are pretty close, hence the whole 'at least two more months of long sleeves' deal.

Don't worry, there will be plenty more angst, the chapter after next will have Sebastian giving more on his own history, and neither of them is really close to being considered recovered. I don't know how long this story will be, but it looks like it can get to at least 20 chapters with the way I'm planning it. (Unless that seems too much? I can scale it back if need be.)

Also, I feel like it's totally uncalled for to love people on the internet you have never met, but I'm not exactly the sort of person who cares about inappropriateness, so to those of you who have favorited or alerted this, I love you, and to those who reviewed, I may legit be IN love with you. Feel free to do so again, or for the first time. Or not, as you wish.


	7. Chapter 7

_"And I will hold on hope, and I_  
_Won't let you choke_  
_On this noose around your neck_  
_And I'll find strength in pain, and I_  
_Will change my ways" -____The Cave, Mumford and Sons_

* * *

Sebastian had to force himself not to spit his coffee out from laughter. "Oh my God, what is her deal?"

Kurt joined his laughter. "I swear, that girl needs her own reality show or something." He had figured it would be much more entertaining to watch Sebastian's reaction to Santana's comments in person, and had decided to let him know on their Wednesday coffee meeting – which Sebastian insisted they have, as well as a Sunday meeting.

Sebastian used a finger to brush a few drops of coffee off of his mouth. "Hell, I'll fund it." He heard Kurt chuckle once more time before switching gears. "Seriously, though, she, uh. . . she figured it out?"

"Yeah. She said other people were noticing it as well, but they didn't want to say anything to me." Sebastian scoffed in annoyance. He had taken to insulting the New Directions "I don't know. The only people I can think of who seemed like they knew anything are sort of soft spoken about personal matters . . . well, except Satan."

"Really, now? So who are the select few left at McKinley with brain cells?"

"Um, Tina and Mike kept trying to get me to eat with them, so I'm sure they figured something was up. Or more than likely, one of them noticed and then told the other. And Sam keeps giving me weird looks whenever I make en excuse at dinner. Then again he lives with me, and unlike Finn, isn't busy cramming his tongue down someone's throat, so he's a bit more attentive."

Sebastian took a drink of his coffee before thinking. "Wait, Tina and Mike, they're. . . the only two Asian kids in Ohio, right? Hello Kitty and the jellyfish? 'Cause I've seen him dance, and I swear that guy has no bones. Well, maybe Tina knows otherwise, but I digress."

Oh, lord, that was a rather descriptive image of Mike he could have gone without. "Yes, that's them."

"And Sam is. . . ?"

"The blondest boy in all of Ohio. Well, excluding Jeff."

A look of realization hit Sebastian. "You mean the dude with the mouth?"

Why was he not surprised that's what Sebastian picked up on? "Yes. The dude with the mouth."

"I know who you're talking about now. Yeah, he's probably got Jeff beat in that department, at least. Not that it's that hard to do that, though. Not gonna lie, I was always curious. . . ."

Kurt wrinkled his face in disgust. "Okay, one: ew. Two: I don't want to know how you know that about Jeff, and three: Sam is one of my best friends, please don't objectify him."

Sebastian shrugged. "Don't take it personally, I objectify everyone." Kurt eyed him with a mock warning. "Okay, fine, Frog boy gets a pass."

"Thank you." Okay, maybe he was a bit sterner about Sebastian's crude comments towards Sam, but at least it was justified. Sam had defended him against Karofsky without even being asked, and it had earned him a black eye. Even afterwards, when he had moved states, they still kept in touch. Sam had been his confidant, though he was still in the dark about the eating (well, maybe not the eating so much anymore) and the cutting. And when Kurt found out just what Sam had to do to keep his family alive, it broke a part of him. Sebastian could make comments about whoever he wanted, just not when the person had been degraded enough.

"Can I at least talk about other pretty little people's mouths?" He asked, eyebrows raised in faux mischief.

"I'd prefer it if you didn't."

"I'm not hearing a 'no.'" Kurt laughed into his coffee. Someone really needed to turn a hose on this kid.

* * *

"Hey, Kurt, can I talk to you for a sec?"

In all honesty, he should have been expecting Schuester to pull him aside eventually. What, with his sloppy dance moves and obvious exhaustion, Kurt was a bit surprised it hadn't come sooner. Or maybe it was something else. Oh, God, maybe he was going to tell him he had to move up in costume sizes? At this thought, Kurt felt his heart began to race. Not that he hadn't been expecting it, just not now, _not now, **not now**_

Once everyone else had vacated the choir room, he approached his teacher. "Yes?" He tried not to let the anxiety in his voice out, but he had no idea how well that was working. Luckily, his teacher had a tendency to miss not-so-subtle personal characteristics, and just continued straightening sheet music on the piano as he spoke.

"I just wanted to check in on how you're doing lately. You freaked everyone out when you passed out last week, are you feeling any better?"

Kurt felt himself relax, realizing he was still in the clear. "Yes, thank you. Like I said, just too much stress probably made my immune system weak and I got a cold, no big deal."

"Well, you make sure to take care of yourself, we need you in perfect shape for Regionals."

Kurt nodded. "I know, Mr. Shue. Hopefully, you know, after all this NYADA business is figured out, I'll be better." Probably not; he knew a rejection from NYADA would very likely be his breaking point. The mere thought of it made him want to puke. "And after I stop worrying about Blaine's tests are done, that should be a major help, too."

His teacher furrowed his eyebrows in concern. "Wait, what about Blaine?"

"Just with all the placement tests the teachers are having him take, it's stressing him. Which is stressing me out more, but like I said, it'll sort itself out." He forced a semi-reassuring smile on his lips, preparing to jet out of the room.

Shue gave him a look of pure confusion. "Kurt, Blaine isn't taking any placement test."

"I. . . what?"

"As far as I know, all of his credits transferred fine. I'm actually pretty sure he has his language requirement filled at this point. . . are you feeling alright?" He noticed Kurt seemed to have grown paler, and was clutching his satchel tightly.

It took Kurt a second to register the question, but he nodded when it did. "Yeah, I'm fine. Um, I need to go." And before Mr. Schuester could call after him, he was out of the choir room, heading down the empty hallway.

Blaine was studying. He had been studying Spanish and history and math _because none of the credits transferred. I need to show them I know the work. They won't tell me when the tests are, so I have to be ready._

. . .

What the hell?

No, seriously

**What the hell?**

No, stop it. Calm down, Kurt, there has to be an explanation.

Oh, dear Gaga, let there be an explanation.

If Blaine had lied to him, it must have been for a good reason. He wouldn't just lie to get out of spending time together, especially with how mad he got when they finally DID get a chance to. No, there had to be a reason behind it. Blaine didn't lie to him. Blaine loved him, he wouldn't hurt him. . . He had to call him, ask. But what if the reason was something Kurt didn't want to hear? What if it was something awful, or something Blaine didn't want to talk about? Or what if it was nothing, and Kurt asking about something so trivial just made him angry again and they fought _**again?**_

His head was spinning by the time he reached his car, grateful he didn't have to drive Sam or Finn home. They both had plans. His parents were home that weekend, but he couldn't go home right now. He felt his heart speed up, his skin was cold and a familiar burn set in. His Altoids box was buried in the bottom of his bag, and the parking lot was empty. He could just quickly fix things and go home. . .

No, nonononono. He made a promise. The Chipmunk would be so pissed, Kurt would be so pissed. He couldn't break it, but it was just so appealing.

At this point, he had climbed into the car and had started to leave the McKinley parking lot. He pulled his cell phone out of his bag, not caring how dangerous TV insisted his actions could be.

"Kurt? What's wrong?"He never thought he would feel so relieved to hear Sebastian's voice. He must have immediately sensed something was up, based on his words and the urgent tone in his voice.

"_Kurt? Wait, who are you talking to?"_ Kurt heard a vaguely familiar voice ask in the background.

"Are you at Dalton right now?"

"No, we decided to go for coffee after practice, I'm in Lima. What's wrong?" His voice had taken on that tone of voice Kurt had grown accustomed to, the one that seemed to show Sebastian trying to regain control of a situation.

Kurt choked back a sob, trying not to cry. "Can. . . I need to meet you. Please, you said if I needed to cut, to call you, and I need to. Or. . . I don't know, I need to do something."

Sebastian took a few seconds to register his words. "I can borrow Nick's car and come get you. He drove, so mine's at my house. I'm sure he'd let me use his to come get you if you need it. Are you at home?"

Kurt shook his head before realizing it was a phone, moron, he can't see you. God, you're stupid."No, I'm going to the Lima Bean. I can't go home just yet; I'll screw everything up more if I do."

"Okay, calm down. Don't freak out while driving; just take your time getting here. It'll be alright."

No, it wouldn't be. Something was most definitely _not alright_, he told himself after he hung up. His head was still reeling, trying to put pieces together. _Blaine has spent every night at the library for the last month. But he doesn't need to study. Maybe he's trying to get ahead? No, he's already in advanced classes. _

He knew he was being rather careless, driving while his head was so unstable, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He was pretty sure he had ran two red lights, a stop sign, and possibly running over an already dead squirrel before arriving at the Lima Bean. He ripped his keys out of the ignition before walking in, keeping an eye out for the familiar blue blazer.

He was a bit taken aback to find not one, but four dapperly dressed young Warblers at a back table. _Of course. That voice in the background was Nick._ If he hadn't been focused on controlling his thoughts, he would have realized Sebastian had mentioned him, and any other day, he would have been ecstatic to see his old friends. As it was, right now, he was only focused on Sebastian, who stood up as soon as he saw the way Kurt was holding himself. "Kurt? What the Hell?"

"Shut up, Nick." Sebastian walked closer so he was right in front of Kurt, speaking so only the shorter boy could hear him. "Kurt, what happened?"

On any other occasion, Kurt would have berated himself for being such a wreck in front of Sebastian. Then again, this was the guy who had seen him with blood soaked arms. He needed to not cut. He needed someone to help him. . .

_**He needed Sebastian.**_

"Sebastian, what's going on?" Trent asked, and Sebastian looked over his shoulder to see him, Nick, and Jeff giving him mixed expressions of confusion and concern. He debated what to do for a second before turning back to Kurt.

"Hey, listen to me." He put his hands firmly on Kurt's shoulders, so he had no choice but to pay attention. "Do you want to get out of here?" He was pretty sure Kurt didn't want to breakdown in front of the others, but he was not going to risk moving him if he was unstable.

Kurt nodded his head before switching to a shake. "I don't know, I can't go home, it's just my parents, and if they see me like this or if I'm alone. . . I don't know." His voice was shaking; he was not being as silent as Sebastian.

_Of course you don't know, you're a mess. _When Kurt was shaking, he looked even smaller than usual. Sebastian knew he was terrified of something, He had absolutely no idea what was wrong, but leaving Hummel on his own would lead to him doing something utterly stupid, and _he had actually listened._ He had told Kurt to call him, and he had. There was no way he could send him off to god knows what to his body.

Sebastian made a split second decision. "Alright; you don't have to go home. I don't want you on your own, either. My parents are out for the weekend, we have a spare room. You can stay with me until you've settled down."

Kurt didn't make any effort to protest; he didn't think to, as if not realizing he had just agreed to an impromptu slumber party as his enemy's house (_was Sebastian really his enemy even more?_). "Okay."

"Good. Give me your keys." Kurt handed them over, and Sebastian moved to head back to his table, being met with three pairs of bewildered eyes. "What?"

"What's wrong?" Jeff questioned, making a move to get out of his chair. Sebastian shot him a look –_sit your ass down or you're a dead man – _though he really couldn't blame them. Kurt was their friend, and chances were they hadn't seen him in months. And here he just showed up, shaking and looking like he was about to break, heading home with the guy who never hid his desire to get in Blaine's pants.

"He'll be alright, believe me on that. Look, guys, I need to go. I'll. . . I don't know, I'll explain later." Before they could further question him, he had grabbed his bag and threw an arm over Kurt's shaking shoulders to lead him out, leaving three high, leaving three highly confused Warbler's in his tracks.

* * *

"You want to tell me what happened, or no?" Sebastian asked after they had been on the road for fifteen minutes of silence. He had turned his phone off, getting tired of Nick blowing it up with texts demanding an explanation. The only reply he had sent was one telling -maybe it could be viewed as a threat, but that was irrelevant - the three of them to keep it to themselves, to tell no one (ESPECIALLY Blaine) and that he would explain on Monday. Well, he would think of an excuse to tell them on Monday. Right now, though, he needed to know what he was dealing with.

Kurt had ceased his shaking after the heat had kicked in, and was now just sitting limply against the seat. He was holding his own phone, and Sebastian could see that he had gotten a few texts himself, though they all looked unread. Kurt shook his head and kept staring forward. "Blaine has been lying to me."

"Lying is a part of every relationship. I'm pretty sure it's the sole basis for my parent's marriage, so you two are right on track.."

"Not like this. He's been lying for weeks. Well, I don't know it it's lying, maybe he was just. . . I don't know, I think I over-reacted. I should just call him and sort things out. . . Yeah. . . I'm sorry, you can just drop me off and I'll get home."

"Kurt?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up. You can go home tomorrow, when I know you won't hurt yourself, 'cause I'm still not sure you won't. Plus this way, I can actually make sure you eat."

"I've been eating." Kurt quickly defended himself.

"Well, I can just see for myself, can't I?" Kurt didn't bother responding, just went back to staring at his phone. "Besides, even if I did take you home, I'm pretty sure the guys have left the Lima Bean by now, and Nick's the one who drove, so I'd just be stuck there for the night. Don't want me having to sleep on a park bench, do you?"

"Please, like you wouldn't just find some middle aged creep to share a doghouse with for the night."

Sebastian smirked, keeping his eyes focused on the road. "So what did Blaine-y Boo lie about?"

"He told me he's been studying." He heard Kurt scoff at this. "He said there were issues with the credits when he transferred so he had to take tests to get them back." "God, why would he lie about that? If he doesn't want to spend time with me, all he has to do is say it."

Sebastian frowned. "Has he been acting weird lately?" Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kurt start, and then stop, shaking his head.

Had he?

Truthfully, Kurt couldn't tell. They had both been so . . . _preoccupied_ lately that he hadn't noticed. Yeah, Blaine had been turning down plans a bit more than usual, even when Kurt knew he hadn't been _studying_. And yeah, when they were together, there was something missing. . . a bit of that initial spark Kurt had gotten watching him sing _Teenage Dream,_ the warmth throughout his entire body when every they touched. . . Not that they had been doing much else lately, but Kurt knew that was partially his fault.

"I don't know, I really don't know." He felt his eyes begin to burn, and he decided he would _not _cry now. "Why do all you Dalton kids insist on driving so far just for coffee? I know Westerville has it."

He heard Sebastian snicker. "Hell, it's not like we need to worry about paying for the gas. All the places in Westerville know people have money, so they don't need to actually make it taste good to charge what they do. Lima actually serves something that's worth the cost. Besides, you should be grateful I love loitering around your little coffee shop."

"Oh? And why is that?" Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sebastian smile. Not one of his usually snarky-ness, but one with more warmth than Kurt had thought he possessed. Maybe not evident to any other person, but to Kurt. . .

"Because if I hadn't, who knows where you'd be right now?"

* * *

While the Smythe house was rather large, it was not the mansion Kurt would have thought Sebastian lived in. Yes, it was much bigger than his own (or any other house in Lima, for that matter,) just not what he had associated with Smythe. He had half-excepted to see a mote and gargoyle statues, with vultures circling the high bell tower. "What is it?"

"Hmm? Oh, nothing, I was just expecting something. . . bigger."

Sebastian laughed. "I can honestly say that's the first time ." He said, digging through his pocket for his keys. "Take your shoes off; I'm not having my mom kill me because you tracked snow throughout the house. "I need to change out of these clothes or I'll kill someone, so you can just relax for a minute."

The inside seemed pristine as well, though Kurt only had a few seconds to look at it before Sebastian ushered him upstairs. Sebastian immediately walked over to his dresser and grabbed clothes, and then went into an attached bathroom. His bedroom was spotless, and from the looks of it, Kurt had a pretty good guess that Sebastian like the color green. There wasn't much other than a room's essentials, and if Kurt didn't know any better, he would have thought it looked like it belonged to someone with some form of OCD. There was only one thing that seemed out of place. . .

"You have a cat?" At the mention of its species, the orange pile of fuzz uncurled from it's spot on a pillow and looked –_god, that thing has Sebastian's glare – _at Kurt.

"What?" Sebastian asked, sticking his head out of the bathroom. Kurt could tell from the angle he was standing that he was shirtless. "Oh, no. My mom has a demon who thinks he sleeps here and graciously let me share." He turned back into the bathroom. Kurt smirked and made his way over to sit on the bed. When he reached out to pet the cat, it immediately stuck it's nose up and hopped off the bed, tail in the air.

"Dear lord, please don't tell me it's one of those prissy, fuzzy Aristocats with some rich white man name, is it?"

He could practically hear Sebastian's hesitation. ". . . of course not."

"What's the cat's name?"

". . . Caledon." Kurt just nodded to himself, trying not to laugh. "Quiet, Betty White, my mom was watching _Titanic_ when she named it"

"And so she decided to name it after the villain?"

"She also may have been completely plastered at the time. I stopped wondering why she does what she does when I was four."

"Alright, so what's her excuse for the name 'Sebastian'?" At this, Sebastian decided to make his exit from the bathroom, shutting the light off as he did.

"Well, it's better name to scream out than 'Kurt.'" He sarcastically muttered, walking over to t o the dresser. "Hey, you got that little bastard off my pillow." Kurt rolled his eyes, taking in Sebastian's appearance.

He had seen Sebastian out of his Dalton uniform once, and then, he had been a bit preoccupied with the meerkat eye-screwing Blaine to pay him much attention. He was skinny, though that looked to just be his body type. Though with the recent knowledge Kurt had learned about him, he wasn't so sure it had always been as it looked. Sebastian had changed in the bathroom, now wearing black sweat pants (_rich kids knew what sweat pants were?) _and a loose grey wife-beater. He seemed to have washed the product out of his hair, and did he wear contacts? Probably, since he was now wearing black-rimmed glasses.

Kurt only briefly took in his overall appearance before noticing the more subtle aspects. He had always had an eye for detail, and that carried over into his keen people-observing abilities. Or maybe it was just the vast difference between this Sebastian and the one he had gotten use to seeing in uniform. When he wasn't trying to look the part of a conniving little schoolboy, he seemed. . . softer. Maybe it was his natural hair, maybe it was the glasses, or maybe it was just the new light Kurt was starting to see him in. Either way, he looked much less threatening, less evil, than when they had initially met.

There was another thing that was (quite painfully) obvious with his wardrobe change. The top he was wearing showed his arms. From the distance, Kurt couldn't see his forearms, but the wide, pink scars on his upper arms showed evidently on his skin. "Hey, Sebastian?" His voice had grown soft from the bickering tone it had two minutes prior.

"Don't comment on the outfit or you're sleeping on the porch. I'll do what I want in my house." The taller boy retorted, moving back to where Kurt sat and holding out a small pile of clothes. "I doubt you want to sleep in your . . . clothes. . .? I don't even know what those should be considered. You can just change later. No way in hell they'll fit, but that's your own fault."

"Oh, thanks." Kurt took the clothes, but made no motion to go towards the bathroom. He just set the piled next to him and looked up at the ceiling so as not to make eye contact.

Sebastian leaned back on his desk, eyeing him rather cautiously. "What?"

It was better to be straight to the point when it came to Sebastian, Kurt had learned. "What happened with you?" He knew Sebastian could tell what he meant. His face looked genuinely taken aback by the question. His eyes wondered up, as if trying to process it.

After a good minute of silence, he pushed himself off the desk and started heading towards the door. "Tell you what: since I know you haven't had dinner yet, we'll go downstairs, find something to eat, and I'll talk to you. Alright?"

Kurt bit his bottom lip, which Sebastian was beginning to realize showed a mild sense of nerves. He had no desire to eat after finding out about Blaine, and the mere thought of it made him want to be sick. Plus, he had no idea how much Sebastian would make him eat, or even if he was comfortable with eating in front of him. At the same time, his own curiosity was growing. With all the talk Sebastian was giving lately, he had barely divulged any of his own history. Kurt had an inkling that he had never even meant to say as much he had. He knew Sebastian wouldn't force him to eat more than he could handle, and this may be his chance.

Sebastian had stopped in the doorframe, watching him. Waiting for an answer. "You coming?"

"Yeah, let's go."

* * *

Do you know what sucks? Typing a few hundred words that seem to fit perfectly and flow beautifully in your head before realizing your computer decided to switch languages on you and now you have a few thousand words of Chinese gibberish. 'Cause that's what happened. And then I lost the beautiful passages I wanted from my head, and here's what you have. I know it may not be the best writing, but I tried to get in what information was needed before next chapter. If you don't know what Grant Gustin looks like in glasses, then I am sorry you have not seen the beauty of it. I needed to mention it, because it is just. . . so beautiful.

Let me just say: I love Blaine, I really do. Well, my love for him decreased after the second half of season 3, but it's still there. It's just Klaine that is getting on my nerves. Honestly, I am partially misusing them to let out my frustration over my own friend's relationship, which is out of control. So this chapter actually came at a good time so I don't blow up at her and just abuse the emotions of fictional characters instead.

Thank you all for the reviews, alerts, and such. They really do make me happy :)


	8. Chapter 8

_"I am flame and I am fire_

_I am destruction, decay, and desire_

_I'll hurt you_

_I'll heal you" - _I'm Alive, Next to Normal

* * *

"You're not going to poison me or anything, are you?"

"If I wanted to poison you, I wouldn't do it in my own home. I don't want to break a nail disposing of the body. Sit." Kurt did as he was told, setting himself at the kitchen island while Sebastian began looking through his fridge. "I think it's only fair to warn you that the last time I tried to cook, we had to call the fire department. My mom says I'm not allowed to anymore, but I don't think she really thought that rule through."

Kurt nodded, and began fidgeting with his hands. Looking down at the marble countertop, the realization of his situation hit him: He, Kurt Hummel, was sitting in the kitchen of renowned man-whore Sebastian Smythe. And neither of them had any intention of pushing the other into the oven and cranking it all the way up.

Yep, this was perfectly normal.

Kurt looked from Sebastian down to the floor when he felt a slight pressure against his leg. He peered over the chair's edge, only to be met with a pair of giant, yellow eyes. "How many cats do you have?"

"Again, I don't have any cats. My mom, however, has three. Who's over there?"

What, did he expect Kurt to know what the thing was called? "Um, I think it's just a kitten. Yellow eyes, white with black spots."

Sebastian looked over from the stove to where Kurt was sitting. "That's Celeste. Just to warn you, she'll try to jump on your lap as soon as there's food in front of you. Feel free to kick her, she's used to it by now." He laughed at Kurt's dropped jaw. "God, do you really think I'm cruel enough to kick her? That giant orange demon, yeah, I'll punt him through a window, but that one's fine."

"Well, it's nice to you know you have some decency." Kurt mumbled. "Even if it is for a little pussy."

"Now now, Kurt, that is no language for a young lady."

Kurt couldn't help but snicker. Sebastian shot him a glare as he placed a bowl in front of Kurt, holding one of his own and standing across the island from him. "What is this."

"Oatmeal." Sebastian said. Kurt eyed it suspiciously, half from the pains in his stomach and half from his own doubt in Sebastian's culinary skills. "I told you, I can't cook if my life depended on it."

"If this sends me to the hospital, I'm suing you." Kurt said hesitantly, taking a bite. "Deal's a deal, Simon. I eat, you talk."

Sebastian seemed a bit reluctant. "Simon? What, is that a Cowell reference?"

"Chipmunk, actually. Nice glasses, by the way." Kurt teased. "Now, go."

"Simon? Please, I'm Alvin all the way, sweetheart."

"Are you trying to change subjects?"

"I'm just trying to tear apart your pathetic excuse for an insult." He answered in a mocking tone. Which pretty much meant, yes, he was trying to change the subject.

"I don't care. Talk, Smythe."

"Fine." Sebastian said in mock resignation. He paused for a minute in though before putting his spoon down and speaking. "Alright, so I'm not going to give you some bull about how my mother put too much pressure on me to be perfect, or how Daddy didn't love me enough, 'cause neither of those is true. I brought all my issues on myself. Yeah, my mom is a bit . . . over-bearing, but for the most part, I got to live the life of the privileged, only child. I had a great life, but I had to go and fuck it all up when I was about 12.

"I don't really know what it was, but I just started getting . . . _very _controlling about everything. I figured the reason my parents were always either working or at some party was because there was something wrong with me, that they didn't want to be around me. It didn't help that was around the time I realized . It was pretty simple really: I disgusted myself, and food just became unappealing. I couldn't control how I felt, so I figured I may as well control what went into my body. I could control what I looked like, and hell if that was anything less than perfect.

"At first it was throwing up after eating, but then it dawned on me that my parents weren't around to monitor it at all, so I just stopped eating almost completely. I had days when it was okay, and my parents were home and I ate like a normal person, but those days never lasted too long. I started cutting about a year after the disorder started. I never really felt it was a problem, because I still thought I was way too big and everything else was way out of control. I kept going because, what else could I do to fix myself?

"When I was 14, we went to a dinner party my dad's friend was hosting. Maybe they were catching on to something by then," _yeah, after their son had been starving himself for two years, _Kurt couldn't help but think, "because they all but shoved food down my throat. I think that's the first time I ever actually _hated _them. I half wanted to have a breakdown right there in the dining hall in front of everyone, just to humiliate them. But then I realized that would make me look just as bad. So, when they became preoccupied with socializing, I snuck upstairs, actually crying because I felt so. . . _disgusting_, and threw everything up." At this point in time, Sebastian's voice had grown softer than Kurt thought possible. "And then I just kept throwing up over and over because I didn't think I could get it all out. . ."

It was odd, seeing him at such a loss of composure. Well, to a normal person, he looked perfectly fine. But this was Sebastian, not any normal person, and Kurt was beginning to see that he was not as in control of himself as he would like others – or himself – to believe. "Next thing I remember was waking up in a hospital with a tube shoved down my throat and a doctor telling my parents their kid was about 20lbs underweight. He must have told them about the cuts, too, now that I think about it, but they never mentioned it. They never mentioned any of it. They kept me there for about two weeks because they didn't think I would be able to survive on my own. After I got out of the hospital, we never actually talked about any of it. They sent me to a bunch a therapists, but you already know how I felt about those creeps. Mom and Dad just quit after I reduced the fifth one to tears.

"My parents thought a change of scenery would help me, so that's why we moved to France. My grandparents lived there, and it just seemed like a good opportunity. Honestly, I hated the place at first. I hated that the only reason we had moved was because they thought I had a problem. I didn't think I did; I hated them for thinking they could force me to get better. Back then, I remember being grateful my parents had such an obsession with public image. I wasn't forced into therapy, or to see a nutrionist, or any of that crap after the first time in the hospital. They spent the first few months trying to establish the socialite status that they'd lost in the immigration, so I was pretty much left on my own most of the time. Which would have been fine. If their kid hadn't been dealing with an eating disorder in a giant house in a foreign country."

Kurt couldn't help but feel a bit angry. "So they just _left you_ to deal with it on your own?"

He shook his head. "It wasn't like that. They aren't abusive, or neglectful, they just. . . My parents aren't exactly the most empathic people. I don't think they ever really got the severity of the situation, but I also think it got extremely downgraded in their minds after finding out I was gay."

At this, Kurt felt his heart skip a beat. "Did they not handle it well. . . ?"

"Oh, I'm sure they would have dealt with it better if I had actually _told_ them. Now, I figure having your parents walk in on you with your French tutor's dick in your mouth isn't the most ideal coming out method." He chuckled at Kurt's expression. "Yeah, that didn't end well. My dad beat his ass and then my mom beat mine and they didn't speak to me for about two weeks. It got their minds off why we actually moved, because I stopped eating again without them realizing. I also learned after that how easy it was to sneak out of my house and make my way into the sweet Parisian night for a little fun. And I got my control back." Kurt felt a little unnerved by the small smile Sebastian got from saying this. It seemed almost nostalgic. "I liked knowing I could get guys to do whatever I want whenever I want. I sort of replaced sex for starving. As long as I could do that, I was able to eat without wanting to throw myself into the Seine right after..

"Eventually, my parents came around. Well, they started talking to me again. I remember my mom apologizing to me about it once, but it was four in the morning and she was drunk and crying, it doesn't even count." Kurt nodded his head, showing he was still listening and processing. "I think France was both the best and the worst thing that could have happened. Things went crazy there. My dad had a great political career here, and my mom's entire family still lived here. She became resentful, but she never really acted it. I'm pretty sure if the circle our family was in didn't look down on divorce, she would have left my dad's ass and moved back to the States. She's bipolar, like actually diagnosed with it when I was a kid, but she wasn't around much for me to catch on to it. Having to leave her home country because her son was a fairy who refused to eat. . . she didn't cope well. Most of her nights were spent at some social event, or having one of her many affairs. My dad didn't seem to care that she was cheating, he still doesn't. He just became wrapped up in his work, trying to avoid his borderline alcoholic wife and his anorexic son."

Kurt wanted to interject, to say _something_ because the look on Sebastian's face looked conflicted. But he had to know how the story ended, and interrupting Sebastian now might make him lose it. "And that all made it easier for you not to eat."

"You got it. It was easier to not eat, it was easier to keep cutting, and it was easier to get as much ass as I wanted. I was put in the hospital twice when I was 16, once for needing stitches, and then again because I passed out in the middle of my grandfather's 60th birthday party. My mom yelled at me after I was brought home, telling me to stop humiliating her and to get over myself. I yelled back, because I'm defiant as fuck, and told her that maybe she should actually be around to make sure I ate. Then it turned into a giant yelling match between us, and my dad went upstairs because he was so sick of it. I don't blame him, I would have left to if I wasn't terrified of my mom. She said I was tearing the family apart and destroying her, and I told her that keeping her legs closed might help with that. She slapped me, threw out a few more self-pitying insults, and then left."

Sebastian scrunched his face up before leaning back. He brought his hand up to his temple, and Kurt was pretty sure he must have a headache by now. "And when my dad came down to see what was going on, I had already downed half a bottle of wine as well as all of my mother's Zoloft and was dying on the kitchen floor."

Kurt immediately felt his breath hitch. Had Sebastian just admitted to trying to _kill_ himself? His mind began racing, recalling every conversation they had ever had. Sebastian had said he hit rock bottom, that he could either die or get better. . . clearly, it had not been an exaggeration. Yes, Kurt would admit to having considered suicide when things reached their worst, especially right before his transfer. Like he had told Sebastian, he had no idea what would have happened had he not met Blaine. Yes, he daydreamed about how it would be done, rather it would be on purpose or by "accidentally" cutting too deep. But he had never actually _acted_ on the thoughts. Sebastian had, though. Sebastian had made a conscious effort to die. Sebastian had drank wine and unscrewed a bottle of pills and _Sebastian had attempted suicide._ If he hadn't heard the boy say the words, he would not have ever believed it.

He realized that Sebastian had paused his story to give him time to process. Once he got a clear signal to continue, he did. "I was tired of never being enough for myself, and of driving my parents away. I hated that I weighed less than my mother, and it was still too much. I hated that everything I had was slipping out of my grasp, every bit of control I had worked to gain. So I decided to take matters into my own hands and take control of my life by ending it.

"Obviously, it didn't work. I woke up in the hospital while they were pumping my stomach, and they said if I had been found a few minutes later, I would be dead. I wasn't even thinking at that point, I was just done. They, uh, tried to get me to talk with the therapists there, but I refused. Then they tried to make my dad put me in a mental hospital, but I begged him not to. I said I would get better. And I don't think he really believed that I would, I just think he was done with everything. So he told me I had to either deal with my own issues, or die. I didn't want to die. I thought I did, and when I was actually taking the pills, I did. But not after realizing how out of control I had made myself. And I all but forced myself to get better."

Though he had no idea if Sebastian had more to say, Kurt finally found his voice. "Sebastian. . . "

"No, don't talk." That tone was back. That sharp, razor-edged tone that told Kurt he had better obey. "My mom showed up a week after I got out of the hospital, and didn't flinch when my dad told her what happened. I had to do it on my own, I had to convince myself to eat until I didn't hate myself. Then, just as I was feeling better than I had in years and enjoying France, my dad gets a phone call and we all board a plane to this Hellhole. I'll be honest with you, I still can't go a few weeks without wanting to just stop all together. And a lot of the time, I make myself be around people during and after I eat because I'm afraid I'll throw it up if I'm alone. But compared to where I was a year and a half ago? I'm a healthy size, and I don't completely despise it. My doctor says it's a miracle I didn't fuck up my bones and throat. But for the most part, I'm okay.

"I didn't do what I did for some shallow reason. I know I'm good looking, I've always known that. I didn't have body dysmorphia, because as soon as I _decided_ it wasn't okay, I saw exactly what I had done to myself. And that was what I hated more than anything. And I may think you are the gayest little elf I've ever met, but I can't let anyone else do that to themselves." He paused once more, taking it as a chance to stare Kurt down. "So do me a favor, and don't act like I have no idea what I'm talking about. Please."

"I won't." Kurt knew he didn't need to say it, but he couldn't stand the impending silence. He noticed Sebastian hadn't touched his food during his tale. He had said it had started when he was 12, and he was 17 now. If he had been "recovered" for a year, then that put it at four years. And from what was painfully obvious, there had been no support. Sebastian wasn't like him; people had noticed. They just didn't do anything other than ignore it. People had noticed it about Kurt, too. Santana had. Tina knew, Mike knew, Sam knew. They didn't do anything. They were starting to, because (if the way Sebastian had been talking about his body,) he clearly needed it. But if they had confronted him before Sebastian, would he have bought it? What, would they have told Ms. Pillsbury, ending in him being in therapy? Sebastian said that had not worked for him, maybe it wouldn't have worked for him? Then he would be helpless to himself, he would keep hating himself and hurting himself and breaking and God knows what he would do then.

Did he actually owe Sebastian his life? Maybe, if he hadn't found it in time.

Sebastian shrugged, finally returning to his oatmeal. "So there you go."

"Does anyone. . . I mean, other than your parents, do people know?"

"A few friends I met back in France, but I've since lost touch with them. And a few people I've met here know I used to cut, but I'm pretty sure no one outside of my immediate family and the doctors I saw know about the disorder or the suicide attempt."

Kurt nodded in understanding, still thinking about all Sebastian had said. One other thing dawned on him. "You said that, at least for a while, sleeping around helped with the control thing. Is that why you. . . still do it?" It wasn't as if Sebastian hid his extracurricular activities, so Kurt considered it a legitimate question.

Sebastian's head turned a bit to the side. "Partially. Also partially as a big 'fuck you' to Mommy and Daddy, and partially because, honestly, who doesn't love no-strings-attached sex?"

"Look, I know I'm not one to preach proper self-care to you, of all people, but isn't that sort of. . . holding yourself back from getting entirely better?"

"You're right, you're not one to preach." Sebastian said defensively. "I like it, it doesn't interfere with my day to day life, and it keeps me from completely relapsing. If anything, you should thank each and every one of those little beauties for keeping me around long enough to help you."

Kurt didn't want to say anything to push Sebastian into anger. That was the last thing either needed right now, and if the slight slump of his shoulders was any indication, Sebastian seemed a bit worn down. So Kurt simply nodded. "Alright, I'm sorry."

Another few minutes of awkward silence passed before Sebastian reached across the island. "Are you done?"

Kurt was confused for a minute, before realizing Sebastian meant his food. Looking down, he was a bit surprised to see he had finished the entire bowl during Sebastian's story, more than he had eaten in a few days. "Uh, yeah, I guess I am."

After throwing their dishes into the sink, Sebastian lead Kurt back upstairs. He changed his clothes (realizing that, despite Sebastian being thin himself, they were still far too big) once he was shown to the guestroom, and only then did he realize just how tired he was. It had been such a long night, had he really been sitting in the McKinley parking lot ready to cut less than six hours ago? It was rare for him lately to fall asleep before midnight, but as soon as he laid down in the barely used bed, he felt himself drifting off.

When his eyes snapped open, it was pitch black outside. As soon as he was awake, a familiar desire began creeping upon him. The air grew thick, his insides felt heavy, and _dear lord he hadn't cut. He wanted to._ His swirling emotions from the parking lot had returned, undealt with, as if begging him to slice them out.

His bag. . . he had left it in the car. Would going to get it wake Sebastian? What if it didn't, but Sebastian woke up later and found him? He couldn't risk that.

He couldn't breathe. He began rubbing at his arms through the too large shirt, suddenly finding the bed uncomfortable. He finally settled on scraping his fingernails up and down his arms as he quietly hauled himself out of the bed and into the hall.

There was soft grumbling before Sebastian opened his door, blinking a bit in surprise. His eyes took in the way Kurt was rubbing his arms, the slight shake in his body, and the way he would not make eye contact now that they were face to face. Finally, he took in the soft pink scratches over the older cuts and scars.

Kurt didn't say anything, and neither did Sebastian, as the taller boy lead him into the room and shut the door behind him. "You're sleeping here." His voice showed he had been woken up, but it also made sure to let Kurt know there was no arguing.

Not that he would have.

Sebastian went over to his bed and plucked the small white kitten (Celeste? Was that its name?) off of the right-side pillow before ordering Kurt to sleep. He wanted to protest, go back to the spare room and dig around the nearest bathroom for something sharp and lovely, but his body obeyed Sebastian.

Once he was under the blanket, as close to the edge as he could get and curled up into a small ball, he heard Sebastian rummaging around in the bathroom. He could also feel something small and warm against his side, and a soft 'meow' alerted him to the cat. After a while, he felt the other side of the bed sink from the weight of another body, and only then did his eyes close and he let himself go.

* * *

Not too sure about the ending, but then again, I never am. Also, Sebastian has a cat. Because I say so.

As always, reviews are much appreciated. Oh, and I wrote a completely unrelated little drabble that I would be most delighted if you went to read that's about the Warblers. So, pretty please?

I don't know when the next chapter will be up, since I have another story idea rattling around in my brain that I want to work on, but I can tell you it will be before Thursday. Until then, thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy the story thus far :)


	9. Chapter 9

The part that made Kurt freeze up wasn't the waking up in a strange house, because he easily remembered where he was after a few minutes. The awkward part was when he realized just who he was curled up next to.

Seeing that he was practically attached to Sebastian Smythe made him, for lack of a better term, freak the fuck out. He didn't take into consideration that the taller boy was still asleep, or that his arm was still looped through Sebastian's; he immediately jumped backwards, resulting in him landing on the floor with a squeak.

From his spot on the carpet, he heard a groan and a bit of shuffling before he saw Sebastian sit up. ". . . t'hell's your problem?" His voice was groggy as he reached to grab his glasses from the nightstand.

Kurt just sat there for a moment, trying to remember how to form words. During the time, his mind began remembering the previous night in full detail, and he stumbled out an explanation. "Um, I. . . uh. . ."

"Stop acting like a prude, princess, I didn't take advantage of you in your sleep or anything." Sebastian seemed to have woken up rather quickly, grabbing his cell phone from the stand and checking the time. "Not that you probably would have noticed, you were out cold. Did you know you talk in your sleep?" He asked with a sly smile.

"I do not!" Kurt retorted, pulling himself up off the ground at the same time Sebastian was climbing out of his bed. Okay, maybe Blaine had mentioned that once or twice. . .

"Yeah, you do. Hmm, I wonder if Blainey Boo knows about those little dreams of yours." Kurt immediately felt his face turn hot while Sebastian laughed. "Shit, Hummel, I was kidding. Maybe I should have paid attention to what you were saying, it may have come in handy."

Kurt glared at him as he sat himself on the bed, watching Sebastian rummage through his closet. "Um, Sebastian. . . .?"

"Nothing happened. I figure you must have had a freak out in the middle of the night and came here. You fell asleep, and once I was sure you were out for good, I did as well. No worries, your virtue is still intact." He said as he made his way to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Kurt took this opportunity to hurry back to the guest room and change into his outfit from the other day (he would be taking a serious shower once he was home.) By the time he had managed to find his way around to get ready and was back in Sebastian's bedroom, the meerkat was already dressed, hair styled, contacts in, looking as pompous as usual.

After a bit of mild convincing (aka, threatening), Sebastian all but dragged Kurt to the kitchen and placed an apple in his hands. He himself peeled an orange while conversing with the younger boy. "So, we may need to figure something out."

"What is it?" Kurt asked, taking a small bite of the fruit. They had taken the same positions as last night, Sebastian standing across the island while Kurt sat in one of the chairs.

Sebastian pulled his phone from his pocket and slid it over so that Kurt could see. "Trent and the Wonder Twins have been texting me since we left the Lima Bean last night. I convinced them not to go texting you or Blaine, but I did tell them I'd give them an explanation." Kurt picked the phone up to check out the messages. Jeff(12), Nick(6), Trent(9). "I have no idea what to tell them that won't make them go running to your boyfriend, and something tells me you don't want him knowing you crashed here last night."

"God, no." Kurt pulled his own phone out from where he'd pocketed it the night before, turning it on for the first time since his arrival in Westerville. He was expecting the slew of missed calls and text messages, both from the three Warblers and his friends. He was just grateful he had enough recognition to text his dad, saying he was staying the night at Mercedes'. "Shit."

"What is it?" Kurt passed both phones to Sebastian, silently giving him permission to read the texts, ignoring the ones from their drive over.

_**Blaine(7:42): Hey babe.**_

_**Blaine(7:58): Are you awake?**_

_**Blaine(8:14): Are you alright?**_

_**Mercedes(8:19): Blaine just texted me asking about you. Your dad called, too, asking if you were here. I covered for you, but you owe me. Call Blaine, he's worried. And you have some explaining to do. Call me when you wake up wherever you are.**_

_**Mercedes(8:21): Please, baby?**_

_**Blaine(8:23): Kurt, what the hell?**_

_**Blaine(8:27): You dad says you're with Mercedes, she says you're not**_

_**Blaine(8:47): Kurt, you're scaring me.**_

_**Blaine(8:54): I don't know where you are. Please just tell me you're okay. I love you.**_

_**Rachel(9:01): Blaine says you're not answering his texts and no one knows where you are?**_

_**Finn(9:04): Dude, where are you?**_

_**Blaine(9:16): Seriously, Kurt, I need to know you're alright.**_

_**Tina(9:20): Is everything okay? Let me know if you need anything.**_

_**Nick(9:34): Blaine just texted a bunch of the Warblers asking if we'd seen you. We said no, but he sounded really worried. Kurt, are you okay? You looked sick. Did Sebastian do anything? Call one of us if you need anything, I mean it.**_

_**Jeff(9:39): Call me. Now.**_

_**Blaine 3(9:48): Kurt, please, I'm really worried. I know you're not at Mercedes', we told your dad you are to in case you're doing something important. Please just let me know you're okay.**_

_**Trent(9:48): Kurt, what's going on? Are you okay? Please let me know.**_

_**Sam(9:53): Where are you?**_

_**Mike(9:57): Do you need any help? Let me know, we're freaking out, man.**_

_**Jeff(10:08): Seriously. Call me. NOW.**_

_**Jeff(10:10): I MEAN IT!**_

_**Satan(10:14): Hobbit called me, I told him you were here and sleeping. You better not be dead in some hole, or I'm dragging you back up from hell myself and kicking your ass. If you don't call me back by noon, I'm letting him know.**_

_**Blaine(10:15): I'm sorry for freaking out. Santana says you're there. I was worried, please tell me next time, even if you're lying to your dad. Please just tell me. I love you.**_

_**Blaine(10:16): Good night **_

_**Satan(10:17): You better be okay.**_

There were a bunch of missed calls as well, and Kurt just sat with his head in his hands while Sebastian read through them. "Damn, babe, bit of an overreaction here."

"What time is it?" He asked out loud as he took his phone back. Seeing that it was just after nine, he took a shot in the dark assuming Santana was up and dialed her number.

He should have been expecting her answer once she picked up. He wasn't, but he should have. "Tell me where you are right now, Elton, so I can come and beat your sparkly little ass."

"Santana, thank you _**so much**_ for covering for me." Sebastian raised his eyebrow, listening. Kurt pulled the phone from his ear and hit speaker. "I'm alright; I was with a . . . friend?" He really had no idea if that was the word.

"Well, seeing as how no one knows where you are, I'm not buying that 'friend' line." Santana bit harshly, and Kurt began to wonder just what she had been thinking after talking to Blaine. "Be straight with me. I get that's a stretch for both of us, but you owe me for lying for you."

"He was with me." Sebastian answered before Kurt could even open his mouth.

". . . who is that?" He was able to hear a razor sharpness begin forming in her throat.

Kurt swallowed, knowing that this would not end well if he let the meerkat talk. "It's Sebastian."

"What the fuck, Kurt?" Yeah, that was her mad voice. She quickly began ranting in Spanish before switching back. "Tell me what he did and I'll be right there with a pair of lawn cutters to castrate his little - - ."

"He didn't do anything." Kurt quickly interjected, seeing that Sebastian was about to speak up himself. "I had a problem last night, and I couldn't be alone. He let me stay at his house," at this, he heard her mutter something that made him wish he'd taken Spanish instead of French, "and I didn't think to text Mercedes asking her to cover for me."

"Kurt, Hobbit was _**freaking. Out.**_ You'd better feel lucky he didn't go straight to your dad, I think he even texted some of the rich boys from your little prep school."

"Yeah, I know, I woke up to everyone's textual concerns. I'm about to text them back, but I figured that, since you know about Sebastian, and you covered for me. . . I owed you the truth. Is it okay if I tell everyone else I was at your place?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Am I on speaker?" He nodded before remembering it was a phone, and vocally affirming her. "Listen here, Smythe: No one messes with my gay, I don't care what you're doing for him. I'm glad his skeletal, idiot self is eating because of you, but understand that if you hurt one hair on his fabulous little head, I will go all Lima Heights on that pretty little white boy ass of yours. Get me?"

Kurt was used to normal people being intimidated by Santana (he was still terrified of her after being in her class since elementary school), so he expected the same from Sebastian. However, that would imply Sebastian was normal. Instead, he just raised an eyebrow and put his Cheshire smile on his lips. "I think a lesbian complimenting my ass is a rather good confidence boost, don't you, sweetheart?"

Kurt was going to smack him one of these days.

* * *

I realize almost NOTHING really happened here and it was almost entirely filler, but I originally had this combined with the next chapter and it all seemed like way too much if I kept it. I should have the next one up either later today or tomorrow, and I apologize beforehand if it lacks in adequate writing skills, but I'll explain that then. It is 104 degrees outside and I have absolutely no desire to leave my nice air conditioned bedroom, so I will be writing pretty much nonstop for a bit.

NEXT CHAPTER will actually have Blaine's little actions revealed. And angsty Kurt, which my masochistic soul loves with a unholy passion.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this little piece of nothing, lemme know and I will update ASAP.


	10. Chapter 10

_"I know exactly how that is. To love somebody who doesn't deserve it. Because they are all you have. Because any attention is better than no attention. For exactly the same reason, it is sometimes satisfying to cut yourself and bleed. On those gray days where eight in the morning looks no different from noon and nothing has happened and nothing is going to happen and you are washing a glass in the sink and it breaks accidentally and punctures your skin. And then there is this shocking red, the brightest thing in the day, so vibrant it buzzes, this blood of yours. That is okay sometimes because at least you know you're alive." -_Augusten Burroughs, _Running With Scissors_

* * *

Sunday evening found Kurt standing in the Anderson living room. Or rather, the threshold of the Anderson living room, currently being suffocated by the family's second child.

"Blaine, sweetie, I sort of need to be able to breathe."

"Mmm, no, this is what you get for scaring me like that." Blaine retorted, but released his arms from around Kurt so his boyfriend could actually enter the house.

Kurt smiled once he was in the familiar warmth of the home. Blaine's parents were out (not exactly a rare thing,) and he had been invited over. "So, to what do I owe this little request?" He asked as both boys seated themselves on the couch.

"I want to apologize." Kurt raised an eyebrow in confusion. "I was totally out of line last weekend, I shouldn't have just walked out like that."

"No, Blaine, it was my fault. Besides, we both already

Blaine smiled, reaching in to place a soft kiss on Kurt's mouth. "This is why I love you. So, I figured we could just. . . relax. Sit back, watch some crappy TV Land marathon, and just hold each other."

Kurt instantly felt a warmth spread through his body. God, he loved this boy. "That sounds perfect. Let me tell you, I need some relaxation after last night."

"Yeah, why were you at Santana's, anyways?" Oh, that's right. He _had_ been there. Maybe he should start thinking before he spoke.

"Oh, um, I figured we could spend more time together if I helped you study, and I know Spanish is the one you're worried about, so. . . I went to see if she could help me remember anything from the classes we had to take in middle school. I didn't think Dad would have let me go visit her neighborhood, so I just said I was at 'Cede's."

Well, that was pretty much the worst lie he had told in the past eighteen years.

Thankfully, Blaine didn't seem to have noted the hesitancy in Kurt's words, and simply smiled. "That's sweet, but don't worry yourself. I think they'll finally give me the stupid tests soon, so then I can just stop focusing on those, and started focusing on you."

He _really_ loved this boy. Kurt smiled right back and kissed Blaine. He felt Blaine's hand twitch from where it lay on his back, knowing it wanted to move further past the clothes. But it didn't, and he pulled it back.

They settled themselves into an _I Love Lucy_ marathon, Blaine curled up against the taller boy. Half an hour or so into it, they both heard a rather loud rumble, making Kurt laugh. "Does my big baby need food?"

"Apparently, yes." Blaine sat up. "You hungry?"

Yes. Yes, he was. Kurt thought for a moment. "Is it your mom's cooking?"

"Yeah, she made pork adobo last night and we still have some left. We can have that."

Kurt leaned his head back and made a noise of mock pleasure. "Oh, god, yes. Feed me."

"You just love me for my mom's cooking, don't you?"

"Well, what other reason is there for dating a half-Filipino?" Blaine chuckled and pushed himself off the couch, heading for the kitchen. Kurt could smell the food as it was being warmed up, and smiled when his stomach growled. He was hungry, and he wanted that delicious adobo.

While he could hear the microwave working, he also heard a vibration coming from the coffee table in front of him. Kurt instinctively grabbed the phone from the coffee table, unlocking and clicking to 'view' the text. They had never had any qualms before about reading each other's messages. Why should they start now?

. . .

Oh.

**Alfonso(8:39): He, want me to come over there? Good time? ;-)**

That's why they should start now.

". . . Blaine?" Kurt's voice was shaky, and he could actually feel the blood drain from his face.

The boy in question re-entered the living room, carrying a graciously-sized bowl with two spoons. From his spot on the couch, Kurt could smell the garlic and pork, and it instantly made him want to puke. "Yeah, love?" He asked, suddenly taking note of the phone in his boyfriend's hands. His eyes grew wide. "What is it?"

"Blaine, who's Alfonso?"

He didn't miss the way Blaine flinched, licked his lips, hesitated before answering: "He's. . . he's a. . . cousin. He just moved here, I've been showing him around for my mom."

Kurt didn't want to let his mind wander. He wanted to believe Blaine, to apologize for thinking negatively and kiss and make up and watch bad 70s television and just feel okay enough to eat the food, but he couldn't. "Is, um. . . is he the one you've been with when you say you've been studying?"

"What? No, Kurt, I'm at the library, or here."

"Schuester says you were never assigned placement tests. There's nothing wrong with your credit transfers." Blaine set the bowl he was still holding on the coffee table and took a step closer. Kurt immediately stood from the couch and backed up. "Blaine. . . please, just. . . "

"I told you, he's my cousin. . . "

"Can't I just have the truth for once?" It came out more of a shout than he had intended, but he didn't care. His eyes burned from trying not to cry, and hid grip on the phone still in his hands tightened. "At least give me that, Blaine. If you loved me, you would tell me the truth."

Blaine bit his lip, and Kurt didn't want to know what he was thinking. When Blaine finally spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper, but the words echoed through the room nonetheless. "He doesn't mean anything to me."

Oh.

Oh, God, no.

The phone fell out of his hands and landed with a soft _thump_ on the carpet. He quit trying not to cry, and as his face became hot, he began to shake. "No. No, no, Kurt, baby, listen to me." Blaine rushed forward to pull Kurt close, but the taller boy put his arms forward to stop him.

"Don't touch me." He demanded.

Blaine ignored him instead gently grabbing Kurt's forearms –_oh, lord, they needed to be ripped open so. badly –_ and looking directly into his eyes. "Kurt, please listen to me." His voice was shaking at this point, too. "Kurt, he means _nothing_ to me. He's the son of a friend of my mom's; it's just physical, I don't care about him at all."

"So what, is my body not good enough for you?" This time, Kurt full on screamed, ripping his arms out of Blaine's grip. Of course it wasn't, nothing about him was good enough. Especially not this hideous, grotesque, _monstrous_ body he was forced to call his own.

"Kurt, you know that's not it." Blaine looked like he wanted to walk closer to Kurt again, but stopped before doing so. "I love you, you are so beautiful that I can't stand it." Lies, lies, lies, why couldn't he just be honest? "But. . . oh, God, Kurt, please don't look at me like that. I love you more than anything else in this world. But. . . Kurt, I _need_ touch."

"We've had sex!"

"For what, three weeks? Now it's like the idea of us doing anything past making out repulses you!"

But. . . not yet, his body wasn't perfect yet. It wasn't worth Blaine to see again, when he would actually be aware enough to see how _repulsive_ he was.

But that's okay. Because Blaine didn't need him for sex. He couldn't wait for Kurt to be perfect, because Kurt would never be perfect, he would never be lovely enough for Blaine so he moved on to someone who would be.

He needed to leave. He needed to leave Blaine's house and call Sebastian and . . .

No.

No, he couldn't do that. Sebastian had told him before leaving for Lima, "_I'm going to Scandals tonight, so I'll be nearby. If you need me, call me."_ He needed him. So, so badly.

But he was probably too busy, on his knees in that disgusting bar bathroom with some man twice his age, letting himself be used for some sick, twisted sense of control. Because Sebastian was beautiful, and Sebastian's body was perfect, and _people_ _wanted Sebastian._ Blaine didn't even want him anymore, and all because he was disgusting and worthless and nothing nothing nothing to anyone and nowhere near close to perfection and never would be.

"I should leave." Kurt walked around the coffee table, his stomach lurching once he smelt the food still on the table.

"Kurt, please don't." Blaine begged, his voice a plea all in its own. "He means nothing to me, I love _you_. Please, we can fix this."

Kurt shook his head, grabbing his coat from the arm of the couch and leaving the house, embracing the sharp cold on his face. He could hear Blaine call after him, but he refused to look back. Because if he looked at Blaine, he wouldn't be able to look away. And that would kill him.

It was stupid of him to drive home with his eyes blurry from tears and the mini blizzard that had decided to hit the town. He didn't care. The weather had been the same way when his mother got in that crash, the last night he had seen her alive. Maybe he was hoping for a replay. His stomach wanted to be empty and then stay empty until it collapsed in on itself, and he wanted to grab the razors and tear ribbons into his skin until there was nothing left to cut. _They're still back there, idiot. Just grab them, stick your finger down your throat, and do it._ He told himself, remembering the bag still carelessly tossed in his backseat.

He had pulled his cell phone from his pocket and was holding it tightly against the steering wheel. It was already opened to Sebastian's contact, and he was so, so tempted to press call.

No.

Fuck Sebastian. Not that someone else wasn't already doing that, but seriously,_ fuck Sebastian._

Kurt didn't need him. Sebastian would just try to make him eat and not cut and be okay. No, Kurt didn't need to be okay. He didn't deserve to be okay.

The next thing he knew, he was walking into his house, the bag pulled from the backseat to his side. He shut the door and started slowly moving up to his room, not caring about the snow he was tracking into the house. He heard his father greet him from the kitchen, where he was sitting with Sam. Finn was with Rachel, Carol was working late.

He wanted to be alone.

"Hey, Kurt, what's wrong?" Before Kurt could register what was going on, Burt had gotten up from the kitchen table and walked to the living room, his voice laced with confusion and concern. God, did Kurt really look that much a mess? He was quickly by his side, and Kurt barely registered Sam approaching them as well.

"Kid, what happened?" Burt reached out to pull his son closer, but as soon as his hand was one his shoulder, Kurt had sank to the ground, pulling his knees close and feeling his face burn from his tears. "Kurt, talk to me. What happened? Did Blaine do something?"

At the mention of that name, Kurt just let out a strangled sob and curled further in on himself. He heard his father prod a little bit more for information, before realizing it was a fruitless effort. Kurt could tell he was angry, that he had figured out it was something to do with Blaine. But he also figured out that wasn't what his son needed right now, and Kurt was so very grateful he stopped asking.

He didn't know who it was- either his father or Sam-, but he felt someone's arm warp around his shoulder, and he fell back into whoever's embrace it was. He didn't want to be here. He wanted to be numb, to just stop feeling this anger and sadness and hunger. He wanted it all to go away.

He wanted to just go away.

* * *

So there you go. Blaine's a dick and Kurt's a mess and Sebastian's completely clueless. I know this chapter and last chapter are a bit shorter than the others, but I updated twice in the same day, so I'm okay'ing it with myself for that reason. This story may end up longer than I had planned, because there are still a few more things I want to explore, but I'm not entirely sure if it would drag things out or not, so I'm just going with what feels right.

I wanted to clarify real quick in case anyone is wondering: this chapter takes place Sunday evening. Last chapter took place Saturday morning, and the chapter before was Friday evening/early Saturday morning, so Kurt has definitely had time to calm his mind down. I was also seriously craving some Filipino food while writing this, and decided to abuse my desire through the fact that Darren is half Filipino and I don't care how white Cooper Anderson is, I'm making Blaine half-Filipino, too, so I can just pretend I have some adobo. Sebastian WILL be in the next chapter, and things'll be gooooood. Well, good in a completely sadistic, 'I should not be allowed on the internet for all the torture I put fictional characters through' sort of way.

I also wanted to quickly just say, regardless of the creepy level it may hold, thanks to all of you who are reading and alerting or favoriting this, and especially thanks to those of you who have reviewed. It really does make me smile, and ups my esteem a bit which is much needed at this point in time. So thank you, I love you all in a completely creepy way. Stay tuned, tell me how it went, etcetera.

And since it is only 4am here, I hope you all have a lovely day :) Again, thanks for reading.


	11. Chapter 11

_"And it's been awhile_  
_Since I can say that I wasn't addicted_  
_And it's been awhile_  
_Since I can say I love myself as well_  
_And it's been awhile_  
_Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do"_ - It's Been Awhile, Staind

* * *

If Sebastian had to sum his day up in one word, it would have to be: fan-fucking-tastic.

Well, any day that started with a hangover and being bitched out by your irate mother was bound to go swimmingly. He would be the first to admit that getting wasted on a school night was far from intelligent, but his parents had been home that night, so the liquor cabinet was out of the question.

And he needed a drink.

He had told his parents he was going out (good thing about parental negligence, they never questioned his whereabouts), gone off to Scandals, and _finally _resolved the week's tensions with the perfect mixture of alcohol and sex. He wasn't an idiot, he had called a cab to take him to and from the bar; unfortunately, he was a big enough idiot to not consider the idea that his parents would still be awake. Which resulted in being yelled at by his mother (him too drunk to yell back), and then a second argument in the morning (him with too much of a hangover to yell back).

Of course, that had just been the start of the day that would come to top Sebastian Smythe's 'Days When the World Can Hurl Itself into the Sun' list. Because, of course, God was deciding to screw with him after such a lovely evening. He had barely eaten breakfast, thanks to the shrill voice of his mother screaming in a mixture of languages, and then found out that Caledon had used his shirt for the day (aka, his last clean uniform shirt) as a bed the night before, resulting in Sebastian rushing to do the world's fastest load of laundry at 6am.

He had thought his day could only get better, until he actually _arrived_ at school, where he was promptly assaulted by one Nicholas Duval, who looked like he was just waiting for Sebastian to arrive. At least Jeff and Trent had the decency not to attack him, demanding an explanation first thing in the morning. Luckily, he had arrived late enough so that any argument Nick and he would have gotten into was prevented by the start of class.

He had made the stupid mistake of skipping lunch in favor of sleeping off his headache in the Warbler's meeting room, with the added bonus of avoiding his little stalkers. He texted Kurt before passing out, and couldn't help but feel a mixture of irritation and worry when he had still not received a reply by seventh period Calc. He had not heard from Kurt since the older boy had left his house; although, he had not been too concerned before this. Quite frankly, Sebastian was exhausted. All the stress he had been under with the whole Kurt situation, in addition to preparing for Regionals and keeping up with schoolwork was beginning to get to him. He felt a bit alarmed at how easily he had convinced himself to skip out on lunch, but the lack of sleep was getting to him. Small price to pay, right?

It seemed like helping Kurt was getting to him more than his self-preservation would have normally allowed, but he could not bring himself to care. He didn't understand this sudden need to protect Hummel, and he didn't entirely want to understand it. All he knew was that either he helped save Kurt, or he live the rest of his life in a deeper well of self-hate. It wasn't a difficult choice to make.

He was greatly relieved once classed ended for the day, ready to just hurry up with Warbler's practice, attempt to contact Princess just to ease his own mind, and then go home and sleep until tomorrow morning. Unfortunately, fate had other plans in mind for him. Mainly, entering the practice room to find Nick, Jeff, and Trent waiting for him. "While I realize my charm is hard to resist, I must say I'm beginning to feel a bit violated by all of this stalking."

"Let's just cut to the chase, Sebastian. You owe us an explanation." So any doubt he had before of Nick being the primary instigator of the three was now gone.

Sebastian smirked and threw his school bag into a nearby chair. "You're right, I do. So, ask what you want to know."

"What exactly happened Friday? What was wrong with Kurt?"

"See, that's the one thing I can't tell you." Nick opened his mouth to retort, but Sebastian cut him off. "It's not my place to divulge his issues. If you talk to Kurt and he feels alright with you guys knowing the full story, then fine. If and when that happens, either he or I will tell you whatever you want to know. Until then, I'm not going to be some rat who goes around sharing his secrets."

He hoped his words were earnest enough to convince them on that matter, and felt himself physically relax when Jeff piped in before Nick could speak again. "Alright, so then how do you know them? No offense, but Kurt hates you."

"None taken, Blondie. Let's just say I get what the little prima donna's dealing with." He made a point to give Jeff a look, conveying a silent message which Jeff seemed to get, if his raised eyebrows were any indication. Jeff, the one boy who had even the smallest idea of what exactly Sebastian meant by '_I get what he's dealing with.'_ "I saw him a few weeks ago, put two and two together, and talked to him about it. And he's agreed to let me help him, despite our differences."

"Does Blaine know?" Nick seemed to realize it was a dumb question to ask, as he already knew the answer, but he wanted to keep Sebastian talking.

"No, and I would appreciate it if he didn't find out. Again, if Kurt decides to tell him, that's his business. Or if things get out of my control, I'll tell Sexy myself. Now, realize I am not above blackmail to keep you three quiet about this little thing, but I figured I'd give you the benefit of the doubt."

There was an awkward silence in the air, and Sebastian _really_ didn't want to know what the others were thinking. It was true; if he wanted to, he could threaten them into silence, but he did not want it to have to come to that. "What was the deal Friday, then?"

Sebastian sighed, deciding it was nearing rehearsal time anyways, and sat himself down on one of the couches. "He had a bit of a. . . moment, you could say. He was upset, and didn't want the night to end badly, so I made sure it wouldn't."

"Did you do anything to him?" Well, that was a tone he didn't know Jeff possessed.

He felt himself smirk again. "I'm not that sex-crazed that I'd take advantage of a mentally unstable ballerina. No, I just stayed with him until he was okay." That may have involved an entire night of careful vigilance and Hummel curled up in his bed, but they didn't need to know that. He was about to groan as Nick began to speak again when all four were interrupted. David, ever the early arriver, entered the room and eyed the small group questioningly. Sebastian shot him a look to stay silent, and decided to bring this conversation to an end. "Well, boys, looks like I have some leading to do, so if there are no more questions - -"

"Is Kurt going to be okay?" Ahh, Trent. Sweet, soft-spoken, caring Trent had asked the most important question that neither of the other two morons had even contemplated. "Whatever is wrong with him, I get that it's bad. But. . . it is dangerous? Is he going to be okay with you?"

Sebastian bit his lip (damn it, he was beginning to pick up on Hummel's little habit!) He wanted to be honest, but he also didn't want to say anything that would sent them blabbing to Blaine. He seemed to have their confidentiality, but there was no way of telling how loyal they still were to Blaine, especially considering they had known Blaine much longer.

"I hope so." And that was that. The rest of the group decided to show up gradually over the next few minutes, and their practice began.

In all fairness, he still had a major headache from the previous night, and his little discussion had not aided that. His stomach was beginning to hurt (seeing as how he'd skipped dinner in favor of alcohol), and Kurt had yet to text back. He would almost say he was a little bit on edge, and maybe just a touch too harsh on the Warbler's.

_**Almost.**_

"Damn it, are you guys incompetent or just deaf?" He snapped after realizing their basses were flat, and the choreography was a beat behind the singing. "It's like you don't even want to beat those little public school losers."

"Cool it, Sebastian, we did it just fine last week."

"Well, then, you should be able to do it better than fine _this_ week."

If it were anyone other than David, Sebastian was sure he would have been slapped. Luckily, David had the patience of a saint plus a past as a council leader to know the right words so as not to start a riot. "All I'm saying is, it's a Monday, and everyone has an off day. Wouldn't you rather ours be today as opposed to competition day?"

Sebastian hated people trying to calm him down when he wanted to be angry, but he was willing to concede. "I'd rather we bring our A-game 24/7, but I can see that's too much to ask. Fine," He gave in, pulling his phone out of his pocket, "I'm going to be the ever-so-saintly boy I am and give you a break. 10 minutes, and then we're back in business." He attempted to look resentful at their sounds of rejoice, but he had to admit the break was as much for him as it was for him.

His anger at Kurt for not texting back was slowly becoming more worrisome than anything else. It was almost 4, there had to have been some point between lunch and now when he could had replied. He sent another message, and decided that if Kurt had not answered him by the time he got home, he would call. _**Are you not talking to me or something?**_

Leaning against a desk, he pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. God, he could use a drink. Or a fuck. Preferably, both.

"What were you guys talking about earlier?" If David had meant his query to be a whisper, it was a sad attempt at one. Sebastian opened his eyes to see the older boy standing close to Trent, clearly curious. Sebastian honed his hearing in on them to eaves-drop. "About Kurt?"

Trent looked anxious, and tried to keep his eyes from seeking out Sebastian for help. "Um, Sebastian was asking about him and Blaine, is all. Nothing in particular." Even from where Sebastian was sitting, he noticed a look of concern pass over David's face. Trent picked up on it, too. "Why, what's up?"

"It's just. . . Wes texted me this morning. Apparently, he was up all night on the phone. Blaine called him crying, I guess something happened with him and Kurt?"

Sebastian immediately stood up, making sure to cause a spectacle big enough to alert the rest of the boys. "Change of plans, I'm sick of looking at mediocrity. Since I doubt we're going to improve any, practice is over."

The rest of the Warbler's seemed joyous at the early dismissal, and jolted out of the room as fast as they could. David, Nick, Jeff, and Trent held back a bit longer with mixed expressions. Trent, who had heard both David's words and Sebastian's, sent him a look of concern, urging him to get in contact with Kurt. The Wonder Twins looked confused, not knowing what the others did but sensing something off. And David. . . clueless David looked like he was going to get violent, a trait Sebastian was beginning to actually believe he possessed.

Sebastian didn't have time to explain anything to anyone, he just grabbed his bag from where he had discarded it and told them not to make a mess before making for the door.

"Sebastian, wait." He was about ready to yell at David when he spoke. "I have no idea what's going on, but if you do anything to hurt Blaine or Kurt, I swear to God. . . "

"Relax. Believe it or not, I wouldn't dream of hurting anyone this time." _Until I find out just what the hell happened, that is._

He sent Blaine a text first, disguising his underlying question with a bit of sexual innuendo. When he got a quick text back, one stating that his prey was not in the mood, it was all the confirmation he needed. He tried Kurt's cell phone three times before he was even in his car, and so was quick to answer when it rang on his way home.

"Hello?"

". . . Sebastian? Listen, I'm sorry if I sounded like a jerk in my text." Blaine's voice was soft, and he could tell the shorter boy had been crying.

Sebastian wanted answers. But years of being groomed in the Smythe name kicked in, making him not reveal the true anticipation in his voice. "Don't sweat it, babe. Something up?" _Talk to me, Anderson, or you're dead._

"Actually, yeah. I'm sorry, it's just I can't talk to any of the guys here, they'll all hate me, and Wes has class. . . "

"Talk to me."

He heard the clear sniffles over the phone that told him Blaine was about to cry. "Sebastian, I screwed up so badly." At this, Blaine's voice broke and Sebastian stopped caring how accusatory he sounded.

"What did you do?"

"I lost Kurt, Sebastian."

He knew it was impolite, but screw manners, he ended the call as soon as he was in his driveway. Walking up to his front door, he dialed Kurt's number one more time. When, as expected, he didn't answer, Sebastian waited to leave a voicemail.

"Kurt, I heard what happened with Blaine." Not a total lie. "Call me NOW or I'm making my way to Lima. And if I find out you did anything to yourself, you won't be able to run fast enough, do I make myself clear?"

That settled that. He found his house empty (thank God, he did not have the patience to have another fight with his mother.) With that less of a hassle, he quickly changed his clothes and headed back out to his car, grateful he hadn't deleted the text with Kurt's address.

Half an hour into his drive (and just ten minutes after he had managed to quench his anxiety over the issue), his phone began to ring from the passenger seat. Glancing at the Caller ID, he sighed in relief. "Talk to me, Hummel."

". .. Sebastian?" Dear lord, that was not a good tone.

Sebastian could feel his anxiety begin rising again. "What happened, Kurt?" There was a rather uncomfortable pause on the line that made Sebastian feel the need to break a few traffic laws. "Princess?"

"Sebastian, I need a favor."

"Tell me what to do. I am your indentured servant."

The response came immediately this time. "Please don't. . . don't call me anymore. Don't text me, just. . . leave me alone."

The air in the car seemed to get thinner as Sebastian felt his chest tighten. "Sorry, Kurt, but we both know I can't do that."

"Sebastian, don't waste your time. Blaine and I are over, so threatening me into help with him would just be stupid." Sebastian did not miss the way the voice broke halfway through the word 'Blaine."

"Kurt, what did he do?"

"If you're on your way to Lima, turn around. I don't need help from some little whore who would be better off bent over behind Scandals than helping a pity case." He heard a click on the other line, signaling that Kurt had hung up, but he kept the phone pressed to his ear anyways.

His eyes snapped back to attention when he heard a loud honk in front of him, quickly swerving back into his lane before being hit. His mind was also brought to a focus, and he threw the phone into the back seat of the car, taking note of the white knuckles tightly gripping the steering wheel. No point in keeping it at standby, Kurt clearly did not want to talk to him.

Sebastian was pissed. And if he was being honest with himself, just a bit hurt. Okay, very hurt. His chest ached, and he felt the familiar desire to tear into his own flesh just to shut his brain up. He understood that Kurt was upset, but any attempts to convince his emotions of that were ending fruitlessly.

Sure, he was a whore. He would never deny that, but that didn't mean Kurt, of all people, had to reassure him of it.

Fuck it. If he was a whore, let him be a whore. With that thought, he changed his destination. May as well find out what Scandals was like at 6pm on a Monday.

* * *

I had intended on waiting to post this, but it brought itself together sooner than anticipated, so here you go. Please don't hate Kurt for this, he's already hating himself. I already have the next chapter almost entirely complete, so barring any unforeseen circumstances, expect that up soon. I hope you enjoyed my inclusion of the Warblers, and I promise it won't be the last you all see of them. I'm bringing in another ally for Kurt next chapter, so that will be there to look forward to.

I don't know if any of you watch the Glee Project, but I do, and when I saw that Grant was the guest mentor for next weekend, I freaked out. Literally, I was consoling my friend over Skype and trying to finish typing this, and then I saw him, I literally shrieked, and my friend started to laugh at me. It was worth it, though, seeing Grant's face for a total of 1.2 seconds gave me enough inspiration to finish this chapter.

Have I mentioned that I love you guys and the reviews I get? They seriously do cheer me up. Also, just throwing it out there, reviews are always a nice thing to receive four days before someone's birthday. Just gonna let that sit with y'all. Like I said, the next chapter will be here soon, so stay tuned and enjoy your day, dearies.


	12. Chapter 12

_"What have I become,  
My sweetest friend?  
Everyone I know,  
Goes away in the end." - _Hurt, Nine Inch Nails

* * *

_"If you're on your way to Lima, turn around. I don't need help from some little whore who would be better off bent over behind Scandals than helping a pity case." _

_. . ._

_Fuck._

_What the hell, Kurt? Why would you even say that?_ He had been berating himself ever since he had hung the phone up. God, he had pushed Blaine away, and now he was pushing Sebastian away. He hadn't tried to call back, that told Kurt all he needed to know: That Sebastian actually listened to him for once and wasn't going to call back. He was done with Kurt.

Maybe that was for the best though. Sebastian didn't need to be wasting his time worrying about Kurt when there was probably _so much fucking more_ he could be doing with his life. Sebastian had gotten his life on track, hanging around Kurt would only drag them both down.

Besides, it wasn't like Kurt was worth the help anyways. He hadn't had energy to go to school, so his dad had begrudgingly let him stay home ("Just today, though, you can't hide from your problems.") He had also made him promise to eat during the day, but that hadn't happened. He didn't want to eat. After he was sure no one was left in the house, he had dashed into the nearest bathroom to dismantle the first razor he found. His arm still ached (he was just glad he had managed to stop the bleeding before anyone got home), and his stomach was empty for the first time in days. And he hated the sick, twisted satisfaction it gave him.

"Hey, Kurt?" He looked up to see Sam in his doorway, holding a plate of food. "Carol sent me up since you weren't down for dinner." There was a rather tense few seconds of eye contact before Sam spoke again. "Can I come in?" He took the slight shrug of Kurt's shoulders as a yes. "If you're worried about word getting around school, don't be. As far as I know, Blaine didn't say a word to anyone today, and Finn and I just told everyone you were sick. Well, Finn told Puck something went down between you and Blaine, but that's the only other person who knows."

"Sam?" Excluding the conversation with Sebastian, it was the first he'd spoken since that morning. His voice was hoarse, and anything louder than a whisper hurt.

"Yeah?"

"Please don't make me eat." Sam felt a part of himself break at Kurt's words. The sobs that began raking the smaller body after they were spoken effectively tore him apart.

He didn't know what to say; he was still clueless about the whole situation. All he had to go on was Kurt's current state and the state Blaine had been in at school. He had acted like a zombie, wandering aimlessly from class to class, completely skipping Glee at the end of the day.

"Kurt, please? Whatever Blaine did, or whatever happened, it's not worth destroying yourself over." Sam moved further in the room, setting the plate on the nightstand before sitting on the bed.

"It's not just Blaine. I mess up everything good in my life."

"What are you talking about?" Kurt stiffened a bit before propping himself up on his elbows and digging under his pillow for his phone. He was a bit saddened to see a slew of messages from Blaine, but none from Sebastian since the phone call. "You haven't screwed anything up, Kurt."

Kurt let himself fall back into the pillows before handing the phone to Sam. "I know you know I haven't been eating."

"Yeah. Yeah, I do, but I was hoping you would get help before it went too far." Sam admitted, taking the offered phone, confused what he was meant to do with it.

"You know Sebastian, the guy from the Warblers who keeps going after Blaine?"

"Yeah...?"

"He knows, too. About everything, I don't even know how he found out about… the Blaine thing, but he does. And before now, he's been helping me. But he called, and I just… I don't even know why I said it, but now he's gone, too."

Sam felt his jaw drop. At the pause in Kurt's story, he instantly began looking throughout texts under the name 'Sebastian', taken aback by the amount. "Wait, how does he even know?"

"It's a long story. But none of it matters, because I lost him know. I wasn't good enough for Blaine, and I don't deserve Sebastian anymore after what I said."

Sam's curiosity was growing. "What did you say?"

Kurt just shook his head, feeling another rush of tears coming on. "Nothing good." he could hear San sigh before he began rubbing his back. He wanted to flinch back, to shrug the hand off and yell at Sam to leave him alone. Except he didn't want to be alone. He couldn't be alone.

"Kurt, I don't know specifics or anything, but none of this is worth tearing yourself apart over." He paused for a moment as Kurt let out a choked sob. "Whatever went down with Blaine, I can tell it's bad. I'm pretty sure Finn's downstairs trying to stop Puck from going to his house to kill him. That's something you have to decide if it's worth fixing, if it's tearing you apart this much. But this Sebastian guy? Sounds to me like that's just you speaking out of term."

Kurt snorted at the obviousness of that. "I _was_ speaking out of term."

"So apologize."

"He probably hates me, Sam! I don't blame him. First I'm not good enough for Blaine, and then I push away the one person who might have actually helped me. God, I'm such a fuck up."

"Kurt, you are not a fuck up. I don't know what Blaine did, but - -"

"He cheated on me." The words were softer, and if there had been any outside noise, Sam would have missed them.

As it was, he heard them perfectly clear, and halted his back-rubbing. "He what?"

Kurt quickly dissolved into another fit of tears. "I found out he's been screwing some guy for. . . I don't even know how long. He said it was purely about sex, that he doesn't care anything about the guy, but. . . I'm not good enough, he doesn't even want my body anymore." God, he wished he could talk to Sebastian. Sam was one of his closest friends, but he wanted Sebastian. He needed Sebastian.

But now Sebastian hated him, too.

"Kurt, you need help." Sam couldn't help the fear in his voice. "You need to tell your dad, or Ms. Pillsbury, or make up with this Sebastian dude. Please. I get hating your body and wanting to change it, but really. . . there's a difference between healthy change and an eating disorder."

"Sam, I don't know how to fix this." He pushed himself further into the pillow, before feeling his arm being pulled out (right arm, thank goodness) and feeling a weight pressed into it.

"First things first, call Sebastian. If he came to you wanting to help, this won't push him away. If he wants to help you, let him. Please. We hate seeing you like this, and you've just started looking like you won't break if we breathe on you." Sam pleaded. "We thought you were getting better, and if it was because of this Sebastian guy, I seriously want to hug him for it. And so what if Blaine cheated? It's his loss, and he's just an idiot for it."

Kurt wrapped his fingers around the phone and found a few more messages from the New Directions urging him to feel better, one more from Blaine begging him to call (he deleted that one right away), and one from Trent asking if he was alright. Sebastian had probably told him and the others some explanation that prompted the text. "Sam, I can't call him. I said some really nasty things. I'd be surprised if he _didn't _hate me."

"Kurt, take that risk." Sam ordered. "Call Sebastian. If he acts like a dick, well, Puck and Finn are right downstairs and ready to throw punches. But it's worth a shot, right?" He gave Kurt one last clap on the back before exiting the room.

Kurt had no idea how long he stared at the phone. If he called, chances were Sebastian would just throw out an insult and then tell him to stop whining. If he didn't, God only knows what Sebastian might do. Or what might happen to himself without Sebastian. Besides, he couldn't bring himself to not talk to Sebastian. Not after everything he had done for him.

Hesitantly, he pressed 'call' and waited for that familiar voice to answer.

"Yeah?"

"Sebastian. . . can you please come over? I need you."

* * *

This chapter was almost entirely typed on my iPod at 5am when I was too lazy to grab my laptop, and my self proof-reading skills leave much to be desired. So auto-correct may have messed up something here and there, but I rather like this chapter. Mostly because I love Sam, and I feel like he would just make a wonderful friend I would love to have. I told you it would be up soon, and I was right :) Next will have Sebastian finding out the situation from Kurt, and maybe a bit of affection beginning to show through? I don't know, you'll have to wait to see.

Thank you darlings for the reviews. Again, I always love getting them. I can't tell you when the next chapter will be up since the next few days will be a bit stressful, but I am doing my best to have it up by the 15th (it will be my birthday present from me. . . to you all.) I am also trying to get another work up and ready, which'll be a Dalton/Warblers based fic. There was actually a clue towards what it'll be about last chapter. . . or in my Wes one-shot if anyone was interested. Just shameless self-promoting here. Hope you enjoyed the chapter, enjoy your day (or tomorrow, depending on where you are) and I look forward to writing the next chapter :)


	13. Chapter 13

_"Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because there is no such thing as perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal. Additionally, perfectionism is more about perception—we want to be perceived as perfect. Again, this is unattainable—there is no way to control perception, regardless of how much time and energy we spend trying." - _Brené Brown

* * *

After ending the call, Sebastian sighed and leaned against the bar. He was sore, and the scent of drunk middle-aged closet cases and failure was beginning to make him nauseous.

He wanted to be mad. He wanted to tell Kurt 'no' and go find someone else to screw before heading home and falling asleep before his parents got home to bitch him out again. And yet he couldn't.

With a quick look around the almost empty bar, he pulled his keys out of his pocket and headed for the door.

* * *

_He needs to hurry up_. That was the mantra Kurt kept repeating to himself. His face was buried in his pillow, he had given up watching the time after realizing it would drive him insane. He needed to apologize and talk to Sebastian. If he didn't forgive him, that would be it. He would have lost two people in one day, and he did not have the capability of letting anyone else in. If he didn't have Blaine or Sebastian, it was all over.

"Knock knock, sleeping beauty." Kurt looked up from to find Sebastian leaning against his doorframe, hair slightly disheveled and out of uniform. "You're dad let me in and told me where to go. You wanna invite me in?" He waited for Kurt to give a small nod and sit up before shutting the door and moving to sit on the bed. Kurt saw him eye the untouched plate warily before turning his attention back. "Show me your arms, Kurt."

Of course, always direct and to the point. With a bite of his lip, Kurt could feel anxiety setting in. "I don't think my dad would appreciate me being alone with a guy he doesn't even know with the door shut."

"Something tells me you dad also wouldn't appreciate walking upstairs to find his son shirtless because he made a difficult situation out of something very simple. Show me." His tone left no room for argument. Slowly, Kurt rolled his left sleeve up and held it out. Before he had a chance to turn it over, Sebastian had (none too lightly) grabbed it and flipped it over himself.

The disappointment evident in the resulting sigh was almost enough to send Kurt into another flow of tears. Sebastian ran a thumb over the wide, red slits, and even the slight pressure made Kurt flinch. He looked from the cuts to Kurt, an unreadable look in his eyes. "I don't think I need to tell you how wrong this is, right? And I'm guessing it would just be stupid of me to ask if you had any intention of actually eating?"

With Sebastian leaning in so close to him, Kurt was able to detect the faint scent of alcohol on him. He grimaced. "Have you been drinking?"

"What? Oh, no, that just comes with the territory of being up close and personal with people who _have _been drinking." Sebastian shrugged. He let go of Kurt's arm, and brought his hand to lay at this side.

It took Kurt a few seconds to understand the meaning behind the words. "Being up. . . God, Sebastian, please believe me when I say I am _so sorry_ for what I said. I. . . I didn't mean it."

"Yeah, you did. But that's okay. I don't take it as an insult if it's the truth."

Kurt snapped his neck up to look Sebastian in the eyes. "What? No, Sebastian, it wasn't the truth, I was speaking completely out of term."

Sebastian shrugged once more. "So, do you want to tell me why you're like this, or do I need to fabricate an idea in my own mind?"

His avoidance of the question did absolutely nothing to stem Kurt's guilt, but there was no point in pushing him. "How did you even know something was wrong?"

"I overheard David say some guy was up all night consoling a crying Anderson, and then you were ignoring all attempts at contact. Sort of a dead giveaway that something was wrong." Blaine had been crying? Oh, god, he had really messed up. "I must say, I am a tad bit hurt that you didn't call me like Blaine called his little friend. I _thought_ you promised me you'd call next time you were going to hurt yourself."

Yeah, well, promises were meant to be broken. "I'm sorry, I guess I wasn't - -"

"Thinking? You're probably right there." Kurt winced. That was a bit harsh, but he would admit to it being the truth. "So we're going to try this again: What went down with you and Blaine?"

The only person he had actually admitted it to was Sam, and that had just been because he had been caught in a moment of vulnerability. He at least owed it to Sebastian, though. Voicing it, though, would make it all the more real. Sure, he had said it to Sam, but that had just been the basic behind the situation. "I went to his place the other night, and he apologized –again- for what happened last time we were alone. And then when he left the room, he got a text. . ." He had to bite back a cry. He wasn't going to have a complete breakdown in front of Sebastian, that would just be pathetic. "It was from some guy named _Alfonso_, pretty much asking if he wanted to fuck. And so I asked him about it, and. . . he admitted it."

Sebastian couldn't help it when his eyes widen. "Wait, Blaine's been _cheating_ on you?"

Kurt nodded, tilting his head back as if it would actually prevent the tears from welling up in his eyes. "Yeah. Yeah he has. And when I asked why, he said it was all about sex. That he still loved me, he just. . . needed sex, and apparently I wasn't good enough for him to just wait."

Sebastian raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Have you two actually _had_ sex?" Kurt gave a small nod. "And he. . . what? I don't follow."

"I didn't want him to have to see me. I mean, yeah, he's seen me naked before, but we were both. . . God, this is humiliating." Sebastian eyed him in a way that pushed him to continue. "Um, every other time we. . . did it, we were both caught up in the moment, so he didn't exactly take too much notice of what was wrong with my body. And now, if we. . . get intimate again, he probably will. And then he'll see how. . . I don't know, _disgusting_ it all is, and then he'd just dump me anyways. I figured if I could just make my body worthy of him, then it would be worth it. And I thought he was willing to wait again until I made everything perfect, but. . . "

Screw trying not to cry, it wasn't worth it. His eyes instantly became blurry and his skin warmed up. Sebastian inched himself further on the bed and reached around to rub Kurt's back. He flinched back at first, but quickly gave in. "He's smart enough to know that it'll never be what he deserves, so he went out and found something better - - "

"No. Kurt, shut up." He instantly fell silent while Sebastian leaned in closer to him. "Blaine may be attractive as hell, and his little shroud of innocence is a major turn-on, but that doesn't mean he's not a dumbass. If he loved you, he wouldn't be so quick to screw some kid all because you have this stupid delusion that something's wrong with you. Fucking some kid while he's already in a relationship? I may have just lost what little respect I actually had for him."

"You tried to get him to do the exact same thing with you."

Sebastian had to admit that was a fair enough point, and the honesty behind it hurt a little. "Yeah, but that's me. You said it yourself, I'm a whore." He didn't miss the way Kurt flinched at the last word. "Honestly, one of the _sexiest_ things about Blaine was knowing that he wasn't going to give in to me no matter what. I thought he was above using someone for sex, but apparently, I was wrong. Here I was, thinking he was better than me, but it looks like I gave him way too much credit."

Kurt sniffled, trying to avoid eye contact at this point. "No, he was in the right." Sebastian was about to speak before Kurt continued. "I don't blame him. I really don't. He should have . . ._whatever_ he wants, and there is no way he would want me like I am now. And he never will, because it'll never be enough for what he deserves, and I just. . . I don't know." It wasn't so much that he couldn't think of the right words to say, it was more so that he was crying too hard at this point for them to have made any sense.

Sebastian's eyes soon became full of sympathy, something rarely seen on him. "Kurt, seriously, stop talking. If Blaine loved you, _seriously_ loved you, he wouldn't have cheated. There is _nothing_ wrong with you, and even if there was, that is not an excuse for him to go mess around with this guy. If you ask me, I shouldn't even be here right now, because he should have noticed something wrong with you in the first place."

Kurt's words were so soft they were almost undetectable. "I've been trying to fix it." Sebastian blinked, before realizing the double meaning in what he had just said. When it dawned on him, he wanted to punch himself.

"No, Kurt. God, not that. I don't mean you being deformed, or grotesque, or whatever lies your mind is feeding you about your body." Finally, Kurt looked back at him, noting the raw emotion reflected in his features. "He should have noticed that you weren't eating or that you were cutting. Kurt, if you hear one thing I say, let it be this: Blaine has absolutely no excuse. He chose to do what he did, and that is not on you _at all_. I'm sure if you were to ask any one of your little friends about it, they would agree."

Kurt's mouth opened briefly as if to speak, but words were lost to him. He looked like he was about to cry again. Without thinking, Sebastian reached over to lightly grab Kurt's hand, making sure the smaller boy remembered he was there. "Kurt, there is nothing wrong with your body. Yeah, I completely understand why you'll find that hard to believe. You know why I understand, so at least trust _me_ on this. Blaine lost something good, and if what I've heard is any indication, he's realized that. He's going to have to deal with that on his own. But that does not mean you can blame yourself for his mistakes. You didn't do anything wrong, Kurt, and there is nothing wrong with you."

Sebastian wasn't an idiot; he knew it would take more than words for Kurt to actually believe what he was saying. Reassurance was all he could give, at this point. Hoping that Kurt would, at the very least, acknowledge what he had said, Sebastian moved so that he was almost completely on the bed, and captured Kurt's eyes in a deadlock. There was no more for him to say, so he kept his stare until Kurt spoke again.

His voice had returned to the soft volume it had originally been, but Sebastian was glad to find that it did not sound as broken. "Sebastian, I _need_ Blaine."

Had it been any other situation, Sebastian would have slapped Kurt. Instead, he settled for placing his hand firmly on his shoulder. "No, you don't, Kurt. If needing him means you have to destroy your body because of him, then you don't need him. And punishing yourself because you think you failed at this isn't the answer, either."

Sebastian fought back the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. He had never been all that great at comforting, and he knew he was a hypocrite for berating Kurt on something he himself had barely resisted falling back into. "Look, I get that you probably still don't trust me. I don't expect you to, after all the shit I've done to you. I get that no amount of apologizing could ever justify what I've done. All I'm asking is that, if you don't stop blaming yourself for me, at least do it for yourself. That's the only person you owe anything. Not me, and certainly not that little hobbit."

He was unable to read Kurt's face, it was completely blank. But he just knew that the kid's brain must be going a mile a minute, and with that plus the rest of the day's events, it must be a hell of a place to reside. "I. . ." Kurt sniffled. "I. . . okay."

Sebastian had no idea rather or not his wards had actually gotten through to him. He was beginning to realize it was always a hit-or-miss with Kurt. Nonetheless, he was choosing to use his seldom used optimism and give him the benefit of the doubt. The room was thick with tension, and Sebastian could tell Kurt was just as uncomfortable as he was. "So. . . your dad looked a bit surprised that some private school punk was here to play nurse."

Kurt smiled in appreciation at the attempt to calm the air. "What did you even say to him?"

"Just that I was a friend from Dalton. Not a lie, I just failed to mention we had never actually gone to school together."

"Yeah, he's usually wary with people who want to talk to me when I'm. . . upset."

"All I know is that Finn and some guy with a Mohawk are downstairs looking like they're on the verge of assault, and I'm a bit scared."

Kurt couldn't help but let out a small laugh, and Sebastian couldn't help but to smile at it. "Yeah, that's Puck. Finn let it slip that. . . he upset me pretty bad, and I think both of them are trying to defend my honor or something."

Sebastian had to bite back a light-hearted remark, knowing it was neither the time nor place for princess comments. "How about we meet for coffee tomorrow? You could probably use some time away from here and school, and I'm always willing to jump at the chance to get out of my house."

Kurt thought for a moment before nodding. "That actually sounds nice." He smiled at Sebastian, which the younger boy returned.

"Alright, then. I probably need to actually _attend_ Warbler's practice tomorrow since I cut it short today, so how about we meet around. . . 7?"

"7 is fine." Not that Kurt was particularly keen on thinking about the next day. That would mean he would have to go to school, and see Blaine. He would probably have some explaining to do, too, once people started noticing their distance from each other. He pushed the thought from his mind; it would do him no good for him. "Wait, you left practice early?"

"Yeah. I told you, I overheard about what happened, and I wasn't going to just leave you on your own for another hour.

"Oh. . . thank you." Sebastian had honestly been concerned about him. That was something Kurt would never have foreseen. "Um, did you talk to Trent and them?" He remembered Trent texting him during his talk with Sam; it looked like he knew something was up.

Sebastian nodded. "Don't worry. I told them the basics: that you were dealing with some things you didn't want Blaine to know about, and we formed a truce so I could help you. I didn't give any specifics." He added when he saw Kurt's eyebrows dash up in fear. "Just that I wasn't going to do anything to you, and that I was taking care of the situation. If it's any consolation, I'm pretty sure they would all gang up on me if I actually did anything to hurt you. Just more people willing to defend that beloved honor of yours."

"Yeah, well, what can I say? People flock to me." Their conversation was halted by the sound of a phone vibrating. Sebastian reached into his pocked, confused, and glanced at the cell.

"Shit." He said, quickly pressing the phone to his ear. "Allo? Yeah, what?". . . "Sorry, I went to visit a friend after school.". . . "It was sort of a spur of the moment thing, I didn't have time to - -". . . "I know. . . no, I don't know what's wrong with that little beast.". . ."Okay, but it'll take me a while to - - ". . . "No, I haven't! It's not like I want you to lecture me again.". . . "Fine, I'm on my way."

He added something that sounded vaguely like German before hanging up. "Cunt." He added before turning back to Kurt. "Sorry, my mom wants me home because the cat's acting sketchy and she thinks I did something to him." He pushed himself off the bed and stretched his arms out.

"Which cat?"

"Caledon. My dad and I hate the thing, but she insists that it stays."

"Well, did you?"

Sebastian turned back to look at him. "Did I what?"

"Do something to the cat?" Kurt asked, much more light-hearted than anything he had said all day. Sebastian looked incredulous for a second before laughing.

"Well, I may have accidentally thrown my school bag on the couch without realizing he was there, but that's his own fault. He was stupid to not move." Now it was Kurt's turn to laugh. "I should get home before she starts going off at my dad, 'cause then it'll be almost impossible to actually sleep tonight. See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah." Kurt was about to say goodbye when another thought came to mind. "Sebastian?" He looked over from where he was standing before the doorway, hand on the handle. "What I said earlier, when I said you were a whore? I'm so, so sorry - - "

He was answered with a small shake of the head. "I'm not mad about that, Kurt. It's alright." Sebastian made his way out of the room, but stuck his head back in a second after his exit. "Call me if you need anything, okay? And no more of," He pointed at Kurt's cloth-covered arm, "that. At least not without calling me first."

Kurt nodded. "Alright." Sebastian gave a slight smile as a farewell before heading out.

He knew his dad would be up in a few to ask who that had been, and to check up on him. He knew he would have to deal with everyone at school tomorrow. He knew he had probably dug his own grave by admitting to Sam that he hadn't been eating, as that meant there was now someone at home to monitor it. And he knew he would eventually need to talk to Blaine about everything that had happened. Despite the anxiety welling up at these realizations, he had to reassure himself.

Sebastian had forgiven him. He still had a chance of getting out of this. That was what mattered above all else.

Looking at his nightstand, he saw the now-cold dinner plate Sam had brought up. His stomach gave a deep rumble once he caught its scent, and he wrapped his arms around himself as if that would stop it. Sebastian had said something about it being pointless to punish himself. Not eating would just be a punishment, right? For not being good enough? God, he was getting so sick of feeling that way.

Biting his lip, he reached over to pull the plate onto his lap.

* * *

I hope this was a satisfying confrontation between the two. This was up a lot sooner than I had thought, but it's one of those things were you just start typing and you can't stop. Don't worry, this story is by no means coming to an end. I actually want to hold it out for quite a bit longer as their relationship deepens, plus anyone with basic knowledge knows things like this are not simply 'cured,' for either Kurt or Sebastian (yes, Sebastian is my baby and I will be angsting him up some. I am cruel, but it is as I wish.)

I don't really have much to say about this other than 1.) if you want, I will have the beginning of a new story up by tomorrow morning, so check it out once it's up if you so wish? and 2.) this is the last update before my birthday, which is tomorrow. So . . . reviews telling me what you think of the story are always a lovely thing to give :3 As always, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading this all so far, and favoriting, and reviewing and all that lovely jazz. Stay tuned, darlings, and stick around.


	14. Chapter 14

Don't be afraid to be human –- you're human, you're going to have emotional 're going to have days when things suck and then some days when things aregreat, but don't feel guilty because you're experiencing that. Don't feel guilty from being human." — Chris Colfer

* * *

There are some days you wake up and just dread it instantly, knowing you have to face some of your worst nightmares.

For Kurt, today was one such day.

At least, it had been when he first woke up. He hated the idea of going to school, of being around so many people, of seeing _Blaine. _He wanted to fake being sick to stay home, but there was no way his dad was letting that happen.

Luckily enough, the day went better than he had anticipated. Blaine and he shared no classes, and due to this fact, no one noticed them avoiding one another. Lunch was a bit more uncomfortable, what with the mixture of nausea and the fear of running into Blaine making a bad combination. If Sam hadn't been watching his every move (and he hadn't received a vaguely threatening text from Sebastian before leaving for school), he would have skipped eating altogether. He was just grateful that Blaine seemed to be avoiding him as well, and had gone to sit with Mike on the opposite side of the lunchroom. At least he was showing some level of decency. That may have raised questions amongst their group, but that was a price he was willing to pay for being able to avoid Blaine.

He forced himself to pay attention in class, resisting the desire to go to the nurse and ask to be sent home. He wound up spending most of the day pretending to know what was going on, and thinking up excuses to avoid glee practice. He was almost doing well. It felt good to be around his friends, even if they did try to press him for details on his now obvious aversion to Blaine. And even if it was forced, it felt good to have be specifically focusing on the words his teachers were saying. It gave his mind a nice break. Then there was knowing he would get even more of a break when he and Sebastian met for coffee. . . Sebastian may have brushed off bringing it up yesterday, but Kurt had some serous apologizing to do.

Dread began to set in again once the final bell rang. Sam and Finn were under direct orders from Burt to not let him skip Glee, so there went that plan. And it definitely did not help that he was the only glee member in his last class, so he wold have to make his way there on his own.

His heart rate sped up when the final bell rang. He was half-tempted to just run and face the consequences later. As it was, he had to muster all of his strength to even leave the classroom, let alone make his way towards the choir room.

He had closed his locker right when the moment he was dreading came up. "Hey, Kurt?" He froze. There was no point in turning around, since he knew the voice all too well. He did it, anyways, regretting it immediately afterwards. "Can we please talk?"

What exactly was there to say? ". . . Yeah." He followed Blaine into an unlocked classroom and leaned against the doorframe while Blaine sat on a desk near the front.

Neither of them spoke for a good couple of minutes. Kurt kept his eyes locked on Blaine, who seemed to be looking everywhere except at Kurt. Practice had already begun by the time either one spoke. "Blaine, I honestly have nothing to say to you."

"Say you'll forgive me. Please, Kurt, that's all I need you to say."

Of course he could say that, but it wouldn't erase what had happened. "I can't say that."

"Kurt, you have to." He wasn't sure if there Blaine's tone was more angry or begging. "I know I screwed up, and I can _never_ change that. But I love you so much. You can't let something like this come between us."

"Something like this? Blaine, you _cheated_ on me."

"And it is. . . one of the _biggest_ mistakes of my life. Kurt, I can't. . . you can't just let everything go like this." Blaine's sincerity was clear, and Kurt had to stop himself from throwing his arms around Blaine. "I love you. You know I do."

His breathing became rough, and he could feel himself about to cry. "Blaine. . . "

"Kurt, I just need you to forgive me."

". . . I can't do that. . . " He could see Blaine trying not to cry as well, and it killed him. "Blaine, I love you so much. But this. . . this goes beyond love."

"I don't care about him like I care about you!" Kurt flinched at the yell. "I'm sorry for sleeping with him, I'm sorry for lying, I'm sorry for whatever you want me to be sorry for. I screwed up, but please don't do this to me."

"You're right, Blaine, you did screw up." Not it was Kurt's turn to yell. "And I'm not doing _anything _to you, you're the one who decided to screw someone because I wasn't good enough." He realized his words after they had actually been spoken. Oh, god, no. Blaine didn't need to know everything, he had lost that right.

Not that Blaine bothered to think them through. "Kurt, it has _nothing_ to do with you not being good enough. I just. . . I needed _something, _and with your weird funk lately, I. . .was an idiot. I'm sorry, how many times do I need to say that before you actually understand that?"

That's what he thought it was? A _funk_? That was one word for it. "That shouldn't matter, Blaine. You can apologize as much as you want, but that's not going to change my answer. If anything, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I didn't give you what you wanted, but did you ever think maybe there was a reason behind that?" Take the fucking hint, Blaine! Take the hint and shut up. . .

"Yeah, clearly my boyfriend's a prude!" As soon as he had said the words, his hand shot up to his mouth. "God, no. Kurt, I didn't mean that." Blaine took a step forward to hold Kurt, but he immediately flinched back. By now, he was shaking, and the last thing he needed was to either collapse or punch Blaine.

"No. Blaine, don't. . . touch me."

"What the hell's going on here. . . ?" Both of them snapped their eyes up to see Santana standing in the doorway. Blaine brushed the tears from his eyes, muttering 'nothing' as he pushed his way past her. Kurt didn't move, instead he just wrapped his arms around himself and tilted his head back to hide his own crying. "Kurt, what just happened?"

"What're you doing here, Santana?" He wasn't in the mood to talk. He wasn't in the mood

"Schuester thought you two were having a quickie in the janitor's closet or something, so he sent me out to drag your asses to practice." She quickly explained, taking a step into the classroom. "What'd the pigmy do?"

She took a step back to look out the classroom door. "I think Blaine headed for the parking lot. Looks like you're in the clear." She informed him, to which she received no response. She gave a disgruntled sigh. "So are you and the little twink over, then?" At this, he simply nodded. After looking around the room a few seconds, he felt an arm wrap around his waist. "Come on, let's go sing about our feelings or some shit. That always seems to make things better." Before he had a chance to protest, she had and was leading him from the classroom.

* * *

"So looks like Blaine and I are officially through." Sebastian paused, drink poised right in front of his mouth.

"And. . . you didn't take finding out he was cheating to mean 'we're through?" "Kurt simply shrugged in response, idly playing with his own coffee. "Is he going to go hook up with that kid he was two-timing?"

"I don't know, Sebastian. And I really don't care." That was true. Was he upset that the last year of his life had been devoted to someone who was no longer there? Of course he was. And was he upset that the boy he had saved him had been so quick to replace him? Hell yes. But it wasn't as if being regretful would change what had already happened. Blaine had made his decision, and he had to deal with the end results. That was what Sebastian had said, and the words had been turning over in Kurt's head. "He said I was a prude, and that's why I'm acting weird whenever we're alone. He thinks I'm in a funk or something."

A prude? Well, there goes any respect Sebastian still had for the hobbit. "Okay, fuck Blaine. Cute can only get you so far in this world, and if he thinks he can have it all, then he's pretty much screwed in about five years."

"Yeah. . . " Kurt still sounded unconvinced on what Sebastian was saying, but he was at least trying to believe it. _No, don't get like this, again. Change the conversation, NOW._ "So. . . this means he's free. Gonna take your chances with him?"

"Hmm, don't think so, actually. It's no fun going after someone on the rebound, there's no challenge." Kurt laughed, and Sebastian smiled. "Besides, I got sick of waiting for him to come around. There are plenty other guys waiting for a taste of this."

At this, Kurt paused sipping his drink and placed the cup on the table. "Sebastian, look. . . what I said yesterday on the phone. . . I was upset, but that's no excuse for it."

"Kurt, I told you yesterday: I don't care. You didn't say anything I haven't heard a million times before. If you think hearing something from you is going to wreck me, then I'm sorry to disappoint you there, sweet cheeks."

He wanted to argue the point. At the very least, get Sebastian to accept the goddamn apology, but that wasn't likely to happen. Sebastian was stubborn as a bull, so Kurt may as well concede the point. Deciding that, he felt the need to bring up another point. One he doubted just as much Sebastian would actually discuss, but always worth a shot. "Are you alright? " Sebastian looked confused. "You look exhausted."

"What? Yeah, I'm fine." Sebastian brushed off the concern. Kurt opened his mouth to protest, but was cut off. "Seriously. Just been stressed out a bit lately, nothing to worry your pretty little brain about."

Kurt felt himself tense. "Um. . . is that because of me, or. . .?" To which Sebastian shook his head.

"Mm, don't flatter yourself so much, Princess. School work plus preparing for Regionals'll do that to a guy." He shrugged, obviously not in the mood to delve any further. "Speaking of which. . . " His tone was mischievous, and he leaned forward with Kurt following his lead so they were close. "Want to let me in on what the Nude Erections have planned?"

Kurt snorted. "Sorry, even if I knew, I would feel dirty telling _you._ We have an idea at the moment, but that doesn't mean anything. Chances are we'll waste a week practicing MJ, wrapped up in some drama a total of three people actually care about, and then change the artist four days before the actual competition."

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "That's pretty unorthodox. I've had the Warblers working on our final set list for weeks now."

"Well, our director is a bit. . incompetent." Oh, that was a nice way of putting it. If they weren't in public, Kurt probably could have gone into a giant rant about Schuester's teaching skills (or lack thereof.) Rival glee member and all that jazz, there would be less bias. He would have to remember that next time Sebastian and him were alone. . .

. . . why was that thought appealing to him? No. He shook his head, trying to clear it. Sebastian half-heartedly continued trying to pry information from him, all of which Kurt ignored. Eventually, they parted for their separate homes (or, in Sebastian's case, an hour and a half car drive home,) agreeing to meet again Saturday morning.

His dad asked him right when he got home how school had gone, and Kurt had to think it over before finding an honest answer.

"It was good." Which is was. Sure, he had confirmed being single and ended a relationship people envied. And sure, he had woken up that morning wanting nothing more than to crawl into a hole and live out the remainder of his days there.

But he had eaten. Sam had prodded him at lunch, but it wasn't force. And he had ditched the plain black coffee that had become his regular for his precious non-fat mocha. And he was looking forward to his weekend coffee (date?) with Sebastian.

It was good.

* * *

This chapter did not want to come together. At all, and I'm going to blame Blaine for that one, simply because I can. If it's any consolation, the next chapter is almost completely done, and if I don't fall asleep, it may actually be up in a few hours.

As always, thank you so much for the reviews and such. I thought I would get maybe 20 total by the time this is over (which it isn't yet, no worries,) but I'm almost to 70, and that is just fantastic. If I may also shamelessly promote myself, I finally posted the first chapter of my other story. It'll ultimately end up being a Niff story, so if anyone's interested, this is my leading you in the direction.

Like I said, next chapter will be up soon, and review if you so wish, and I thank you all ：）


	15. Chapter 15

There may be a slight trigger in this chapter, just as a warning; be careful if easily triggered, please!

* * *

"I've pinned a lot of demons to the ground  
I've got a few old habits left  
But there's still one or two I might need you to help me get  
Standing in the rain so long has left me with a little rust" - Better Than I Used to Be, Tim McGraw

* * *

For once, Sebastian was content to stay home.

His parents weren't home, rehearsal had gone well, and Kurt had seemed to be doing just fine in the two days since their coffee date. For the first time in weeks, everything was calm. And while getting drunk did sound like fun, he wanted to actually have a chance to relax. Review the Warbler's final set list, get his homework done, and get a proper night's sleep for the first time in he didn't even know how long.

This is the reason he found himself lying in bed, textbooks spread around him. Celeste had curled herself into his side, and he was absentmindedly petting her while working on (ie, attempting) his history assignment. Unfortunately, it is rather difficult to pay attention when you're going off three hours of sleep.

Sighing, he ceased the petting and looked at the cat. "I don't suppose you know why the Battle of Hastings is important, do you?" She answered with a soft meow, rubbing her head against his hand to start the petting again. "Didn't think so." He chuckled, throwing the pen down in defeat. He was pulling his Calculus book closer towards him to start that assignment, when a sharp voice shot up from the first-floor foyer.

"Sebastian Alexander Smythe, come down here NOW!"

. . .well, there goes any hope of actually finishing this.

With a groan, he climbed off of his bed and down to see just what his mother was bitching about this time. "What is it?" He asked once he had reached the bottom of the staircase. She was standing in the threshold of the living room, arm crossed. Instead of answering, she gestured with her head into the room. Sebastian walked over to look in, and saw his father lying on the couch. "Is he _drunk?"_

Sebastian drank. His mother drank. Alexander Smythe, however, did not. Sebastian had seen his father drunk only a handful of times in his life, and never had any of them followed good circumstances. The last time had been when they were in France, the day Sebastian was released from the hospital following his suicide attempt. Even when he did, it was never in a social setting. Considering the fact that his parents had spent the night at a state dinner, something intense must have happened. "Dad, what happened?"

"You humiliated him, that's what happened."

"I wasn't talking to you." He didn't want to be angry, but her interjecting was mixing that with the concern for his father. "What do you mean 'I humiliated him?'" He hadn't left the house since rehearsal got out, what had he done this time?"

Lydia Smythe, while appearing small and fragile, was anything but. In response to her son, she uncrossed her arms and placed her hands on her hips, giving him a glare he knew all too well. "Matthew Park."

"Who?" Sebastian vaguely recognized the name as one of his parent's acquaintances, but as far as he knew, he had never met the man.

"Matthew Park. He was having a lovely conversation with your vader this evening. . .about you." Shit, what had he done? "Apparently, his son Jason called him up last week, flaunting about how he made the little Smythe kid his _bitch._"

. . . shit. There wasn't even a point denying it, because that was a complete possibility. He had gotten trashed last weekend, and barely remembered what he had done or with who. "So?"

"_So?_" Alright, that's her pissed off voice. "Sebastian, Matthew Park said it in front of a huge group of people! Your father was embarresed."

"Isn't Jason Park in his 40s? What, no one think it's fucked up he screwed a seventeen year old and then told his daddy about it?"

"That's beside the point!" Thanks for your concern, Mother. "Now, half the state of Ohio knows how you spend your free time."

Oh lord, not this again. "Mama, I am _gay. _I like dick, so therefore I'm going to get dick. It's not like they didn't already know, anyways." Of course most of his parent's acquaintances knew he was gay. The only ones who actually cared were his parents, culminating in one of their more intense arguments. Well, an argument and a few cuts on his arm that probably should have required stitches had he not been too afraid to ask for a ride to the hospital.

"It's bad enough they know, but you going around flaunting it makes things so much worse. Damn it, Sebastian, why do you do this to us?"

He was starting to get a headache from her shrill voice. He just wanted to go to bed. "Do what, Mama? Accidentally have sex with some guy who probably shouldn't be allowed near children?"

"Keep _humiliating_ the family! If you want to destroy your life by being gay, so fucking be it. But _don't _go around destroying our name like an ingrate!"

Why did she have to turn every conversation into why he was a disgrace? Always acting like he did everything he did just to spite them. . . "It's not like I live to wreck Mommy and Daddy's life! How was I supposed to who he was?"

"Well, if you didn't go around sleeping with everyone with a dick and a beating heart in public, you wouldn't have this problem. God, Sebastian, stop acting like this. First you force us out of the country because you refuse to eat, and then try to off yourself, and now you're running around like a slut. You make everyone look down and pity us, and now we're parents of a tramp. What did we do to make you _hate us?_ "

Was she fucking serious? "God, Mama! It's called an eating disorder, and contrary to what you think, it is one of many things in this world that is _NOT all about you!_"

"Sebastian, don't talk to her like that. . . "

He was _not_ about to have them both ganging up on him. He almost never talked back to his father, but this night was already screwed to hell, so why not? "Dad, you're drunk, shut the hell up."

"Don't talk to him like that!" Lydia stomped over so she was standing right in front of her son. "Whatever the hell is wrong with your brain, fix it. It does not give you the right to run around town bending over like some two-bit whore!"

"Yeah, well, I leaned from the best."

If his head had been thinking rationally instead of filled with anger, he would have seen the smack coming. As it was, he wasn't aware of it until after he was on the floor. Due to its suddenness, he had been caught off guard, resulting in him losing his balance, bashing his face against the stair banister, and crashing to the floor. All he saw after the initial smack was red. It took him a few seconds to regain his composure, just in time to see Lydia slamming the front door as she left.

"Damn it. . . " Sebastian groaned as he stood up, cupping his cheek. It stung, and pulling his hand away, he saw a small line of blood from where the skin had been broken by the wood. He looked over to the living room to see his father sitting up, eyes glazed over.

"Sebastian, she doesn't. . ."

"No, Dad. Screw it, I don't care anymore." Without looking at his father, he stormed up the stairs and slammed his bedroom door shut. The sound sent Celeste, who had not left his bed, scuttling away into his bathroom. Well, there went his supposed night of peace and relaxation. . .

Grabbing his phone from off his bed, he tried Kurt's cell phone three times, each ending in it being sent to voicemail. He attempted to call Jeff once as well, resulting in the same conclusion. For a second, he contemplated trying to get in contact with Blaine, but then realized in his current angry state, he would most likely go off on the little jackass and say something that would only make matters worse. He through his phone back onto his bed, and turned to kick his desk.

Sebastian was pissed. His face hurt, he was pretty sure a bruise was already forming, and the pain radiating up his leg was only aiding his frustration. Alexander had probably fallen asleep as soon as everything downstairs calmed down, and there was no chance of Lydia coming back before 5am. Not that he wanted to see her again; if he did, chances were someone was going to call the cops from the uproar.

What right did she fucking have? It wasn't as if he did what he did just to spite them, he did what he did _for him._ And she still had to go around and act like everything wrong with their family was because of him. It wasn't as if he needed her to remind him of that, he knew he was a fuck up. He had done everything he could think of to prove her wrong, but clearly, it was a moot point. Because once things looked like they were finally looking up, he had to go and fuck everything up again. It wasn't as if he didn't already have enough on his plate without her reminding him how pathetic he was.

He didn't know when he had grabbed the scissors, but when he came to his senses, he was clenching them tightly in his right hand and standing over his desk. His breathing was heavy, and his arm stung from the bleeding slits he had carved into it. As soon as his current situation dawned on him, he buried the scissors in the bottom drawer (as far out of his reach as he could think of) and slumped against the desk. "Shit. . . "

There you go again, Sebastian. Fucking everything up.

After a quick shower to wash away the blood and calm himself, he was lying on his bed in his pajama bottoms, with Celeste eyeing him from her spot on his pillow. He rolled onto his side, not even having the strength to look a fucking cat in the eyes, when his phone started vibrating with a text message:

**Kurt (7:42): Sorry I missed your call, I was in the middle of dinner. What's up?**

Sebastian just groaned and ignored the text. He then preceded to ignore the two calls from Kurt and one from Jeff. He was not in the mood to act like a failure, especially not around Kurt. He was supposed to be proof to Kurt that he could overcome this all, but here he was, having just done precisely what he told Kurt to not do.

Wait to be an example, dumbass.

He was a hypocrite. He told Kurt to call him whenever things went south, but had the promise been reciprocated? He felt guilty for not telling him. Then he remembered talking with Jeff earlier in the year, when Jeff had made him make a similar promise. Alright, that was complete grounds for feeling guilty. The only admirable quality he had was his If only one of them had answered their fucking phones. . .

No. Shut up, Sebastian. It's not their fault, they don't live to stop you from being a moron. It isn't their job. You should have been able to take care of yourself. Just one other thing he was apparently incapable of.

Hell, maybe you're not better than this.

He must have passed out, because the next thing he remembered was waking up. Not in a too pleasant manner, either. Lydia must have come home sometime in the middle of the night, he discovered as she shook him awake. If he wasn't still so exhausted, he would have started screaming again. In his state last night, he hadn't set his alarm, and apparently she thought this was an acceptable way to wake him up.

Instead of ordering him out of bed, she decided to mumble. "Jesus Christ, Sebastian." She sounded disgusted, and he followed her gaze to where she was staring. The marks on his arm were still bright red, and due to his sleeping shirtless, fully exposed. He had completely forgotten about those. . . She scoffed, leaving the room without another word. Sebastian sighed, pushing himself out of bed and heading to the bathroom to start getting ready.

Well, today was going to be fucking perfect.

* * *

I said it would be up in a day :)

Story time: so this chapter was originally finished before 14 even was. But, being the idiot I am, my laptop died before I had a chance to save it. Then I had an inspiration for a scene I ultimately decided to move to next chapter, and began typing it on my iPod for lack of a computer, and then pressed delete when I meant to e-mail it. All in all, this chapter, though I love the outcome, just did not want to be posted. But I got it! I debated between ending here and going on to a little confrontation scene I had between Sebastian and one of the Warblers, but I decided that would take away from the feel of this chapter. Plus I'm cruel and sadistic and like to torment people without any resolutions int he chapters themselves.

I'm trying to decide right now rather or not I want the scene I cut out be it's own separate chapter (sort of like a chapter 15.5) and then continue to 16, or include it with the events of chapter 16 (which'll be a goody!) Just, y'know, in case I don't update for a few days, that's what i'm trying to decide.

As always, thank you all so much for the reviews. Seriously, I love them so much. Some of them just warm my heart and make me feel so glad that people actually like this story and can connect with it (though it saddens me that people other than me have to deal with these sorts of things.) Oh, and to anyone who followed what I asked and checked out my other fic (For the Nights,) thank you for that, too :)

Next update will be soon, stay tuned.


	16. Chapter 16

As predicted, this day was shit.

He spent the first two periods trying to stay awake, barely bothering to focus on the noise coming from the teachers' mouths. By third hour, he just said 'fuck it' and escaped to a corridor he knew to be almost always empty. If he had to spend another minute surrounded by people, there was a very high chance of him being suspended for assault.

He had texted Kurt before school started, saying he had called the wrong number and that he was sorry (misdialed three times? Oh well, it happens. That's his lie and he was sticking to it.) He also had a feeling Jeff would (at the very least) question it in passing, and that would involve at a bit of guilt-inducing lying. Come on, it was Jeff; even Sebastian felt dirty for lying to the goof. Sebastian definitely did not need to feel any more guilt unless he wanted a repeat performance of last night.

And so he found himself on a bench in the almost perpetually empty east corridor. He had earbuds in, and his iPod in hand, but nothing playing. He figured, if he did get caught, they would at least have the decency to realize he was not in the mood. Unless it was a teacher who lectured him on skipping. If that happened, than he would probably be in court the next day. He was probably going to be in enough trouble once the school called home and his parents found out he was cutting class. Hopefully, his dad would work late and his mother would do what she always did and not speak to him for a few days. That would be a nice reprieve. . .

With the empty hallway, it was almost impossible for anyone to sneak up on him. Maybe he gave them the delusion that it was possible with the headphones, but he heard the footsteps nearing him perfectly clear. "Shouldn't you be in Calc right about now?"

"Shouldn't you have your tongue halfway down Nick's throat right about now? Fuck off, Sterling." He knew Jeff didn't deserve him acting like a dick, but right now, he really could not bring himself to care.

Jeff didn't seem fazed by it, however. Instead, he shrugged and made his way closer to the bench. "Move over." Sebastian wordlessly obliged, and Jeff sat down. "You look like shit, Sebastian."

"Gee, thanks for that one. You sure know how to cheer a guy up."

"You know what I meant." Sebastian did have to admit he was right. A full night's sleep had been damn near impossible as of late, and the dark circles under his eyes must look horrendous by now. The sleep deprivation was probably also to blame for the pale hue of his skin (thought that may have something to do with his recent loss of appetite), not to mention he had a bruise from where his face had met the banister. He must look quite a sight. At least everyone had the decency to believe his quickly thought-up lie of getting into a drunken brawl. "Seriously, though, what's up with you?"

"Seriousness is not a good look on you, Blondie. Stick to clueless." He felt another twinge of guilt at seeing Jeff's look of genuine hurt. He was not about ready to push anyone else away. "Sorry. Just. . stressed from school and rehearsal, haven't been getting a whole lot of sleep."

"Everyone can tell." It sounded like Jeff was waiting for Sebastian to speak, but there was just an awkward bout of silence. "So why'd you call last night?"

And that was the reason he had been trying to avoid him. Sebastian didn't bother to answer, just lifted his arm enough to attract Jeff's attention. He saw Jeff frown out of the corner of his eye, and spoke up before Jeff could say anything. "I know it was stupid, so don't start lecturing me, or I am very likely to hurt you."

". . . I'm sorry." Sebastian looked right in Jeff's eyes, confusion etched on his face. "I'm sorry. You called me, and I didn't answer, and. . . "

"Shush. Don't be sorry. It's all about impulse control, and apparently mine is shit. Besides, it's no one's job to stop me from hurting myself. If I had honestly wanted you guys to, I would have driven to see one of you."

Jeff bit his bottom lip in doubt, reminding Sebastian of a certain brunette countertenor. "Who else did you call?"

"Kurt."

The blond nodded, as if he had already known the answer and had just been waiting confirmation. He remained silent for a good two minutes, letting Sebastian have a small reprieve. "So, Kurt. . . he does this, too, doesn't he? That's what you meant when you told us you know what he's going through. He's cutting?" There was sadness in his voice.

". . . among other things, yeah." It wasn't leaking Kurt's secret if Jeff guessed at it, so long as he didn't share everything else.

"What'd he say about. . . this?"

Sebastian just shook his head. "I'm not going to tell him." Jeff looked surprised, and Sebastian spoke before he could say anything. "If I say anything, he's just going to worry. He needs to focus on himself right now." That was what this whole thing was about, right? Kurt couldn't get to the point Sebastian had. That meant he had to be 100% concerned with himself and getting better. Sebastian brining up his own problems would be nothing but a setback. The only reason he had even attempted to call someone last night was because he had been freaking out. He wasn't thinking rationally.

"You know, it's okay to need help. That's why you have friends, Sebastian." Yeah, friends who he clearly kept failing. He couldn't stop Kurt from hurting himself, he couldn't keep his own promises. . . "Sure, you may be a total prick most of the time, but you protect what you care about. You're allowed to have people help you."

"It's not that easy. Kurt's the one who needs help."

"Yeah, all anyone here's been talking about lately is him and Blaine breaking up." Ahh, the joys of social networking. One person changes their relationship status, and three days later, half of West Ohio is talking about it. "I texted him asking if he wanted to hang out with me and Nick this weekend, but. . . "

"Something tells me he probably wasn't in the mood to watch you two eye-fuck one another." Jeff gave a small nod, not having thought his invitation through. "He's actually doing better than people seem to think; I'm making sure of that." He saw a goofy smile appear on Jeff's face. Sebastian made sure to give him a light-hearted glare that made it disappear. "I'm doing what I can to make sure he's going to be alright."

"But you're not."

"Listen up, Jeffery: If I spent time trying to fix every little thing that is wrong in my _own_ life, I'm pretty sure I'd have no social life."

"Yeah, but if you cut yourself over it, it's not that little." Sebastian took a sharp breath, not wanting to admit Jeff was right. God, he hated admitting anyone other than him was right. "The way it sounds, you pretty much harassed Kurt until he let you help him. I don't know, but if someone went to all that trouble to get me not to cut, and then went and did it themselves, I'd be pretty upset."

"Which is why he's not going to find out." He was trying very hard not to hit Jeff. If they weren't friends, Sebastian would have just done it and walked away by now. "I can handle it." No, I can't. "It was a slip-up, they happen." It felt so good, I wonder why I ever stopped. "It happens." I should just let it happen again.

"But if you had actually asked for help, it wouldn't have happened."

"Please. From what I've heard, you are not one to talk about fucking yourself over." Sebastian immediately slammed the back of his head against the wall. "Fuck. "

Great, now he'd fucked this up, too. Way to go, Sebastian.

"I'm not going to deny that you're right. Sebastian, just. . talk to someone." He tried to ignore the way Jeff's voice had softened. "Whatever's got you stressed enough to cut probably isn't going to go away by keeping it all in. Me, or Kurt can listen if you want. The Warblers have experience helping with this too. . . "

Sebastian sighed and leaned forward, placing his head in his hands. "I can take care of it myself."

Jeff let out a sigh himself, this one sounding more like defeat. He seemed to perk up a little right after and grinned. "At the least, you just need a break. Get some friends, get completely plastered, and zone out. And not at some cheap bar with pedophiles creeping all over you. You, some non-perverted friends, and lots of liquor. Best form of therapy for stress, by far."

Sebastian let out a small laugh. "Are you trying to use me to get yourself wasted? I think all that bleach is getting to your brain, Sterling, I'm not that negligent. "

"I will have you know this is all natural, man." There was a moment of light-hearted silence before Jeff pushed himself off the bench. "I should probably get back to class. I told Kenning I was going to the bathroom, and someone peeing for this long probably seems suspicious." He told Sebastian as he began speed-walking back down the corridor.

"You're an awful liar, Jeff." Sebastian chuckled. But he had to admit the blond dork was right. It wasn't fair of him to have Kurt make all these promises and tell him how wrong he was in thinking he was in charge of the situation. Or to tell Kurt that his general thoughts about himself were twisted into something completely untrue, no matter how hard that was to believe. . . He was a hypocrite, and a sad excuse for one at that matter. He had to at least make this little deal of theirs somewhat balanced if he had any hope of Kurt trusting him.

God, Sebastian was an idiot. "Hey, Blondie?" Jeff halted in his tracks and looked over his shoulder. "After school, tell David and whoever else was on that little council last year that they're in charge."

"Are you bailing out on that, too?"

Sebastian stood up from the bench himself, grabbing his own bag and heading in the opposite direction of the classrooms. "Yeah. I have a little something I need to take care of. Tell 'em not to let everything completely fall apart before tomorrow, would you?"

**To: Princess**

**Skip school; meet me at my house ASAP.**

* * *

While that was a bit less light than I had wanted, I figured everything had been angsting out of the control lately. Plus, Sebastian needs a friend to talk sense into him while Kurt is none the wiser. I know it's short, but this is just more of a quick interlude so Sebastian will stop thinking like an idiot.

I don't really have much to add here, other than the usual but always honest thank you for the feedback I'm getting from this story. And, as always, keep it coming if you do so wish. I know EXACTLY where next chapter is headed, so it'll be out in a day or two.

Thanks for the reading, darlings, and stay tuned.


	17. Chapter 17

_"If you believe that everything's alright_  
_You won't be all alone tonight_  
_And I'd be blessed by the light of your company,_  
_Slowly lifting me to somewhere new"_ - Stay, Mayday Parade

* * *

"Oh my God, what happened to you?" Sebastian immediately flinched back before Kurt had a chance to touch the bruise on his cheek.

"Hello to you too, princess. It's nothing, my mom just likes being a bitch." He explained, motioning for Kurt to come in before shutting the front door behind him.

"Wait, your _mother_ did that to you?"

"No, a banister did this to me. My un-medicated mother decided to test the law of gravity because, as I already said, she likes being a bitch." Sebastian led him into the living room, where he let himself fall back into an armchair. Kurt hesitated before sitting on the couch, back straight as an arrow. "You're looking well, Princess. No more eye bags, I see."

"Sebastian, why am I here?" It wasn't asked with any sense of contention or malice; it was pure confusion. It made sense: being asked by the guy who hated you less than a month ago to come to your house in the middle of a school day probably did not look like the most natural thing in the world.

"I don't know, Kurt. Why _are_ you here?"

"You asked me to be here."

"And you listened." Sebastian raised an eyebrow in triumph. "You could have just told me to fuck off and waited to see me until tomorrow. Am I really that irresistible?"

An unreadable look passed over Kurt's face before he repeated: "Why am I here?"

As much as Sebastian would have liked to keep avoiding this little confrontation, he knew better than to prolong the inevitable. Then again, what was he supposed to say? 'Sorry for dragging you out of school, but I almost hacked myself to pieces last night and we need to talk?' He had a bit more tact than that.

Instead of directly answering Kurt, he had a plan. He had immediately changed out of uniform when he got home: jeans, a white shirt, and a hoodie. Beautifully convenient. Keeping his stare with Kurt, forcing a smirk on his face, he shrugged the hoodie off and placed his left forearm on the chair clear enough to show the cuts.

Kurt's eyes grew wide "Oh my God, Sebastian, what did you do?" He stood up from the couch and leaned down next to Sebastian, lightly grabbing the arm to get a better look. After his eyes skimmed over the red marks, he let out a ragged breathe he hadn't realized he had kept in. "Why. . . what happened?"

"If I had to make an educated guess, I'd say I hurt myself." Kurt glared at him, not appreciating the sarcasm.

"I mean why. I thought. . . I don't know what I thought, but I assumed we had that promise you had me make about telling when I was going to cut went both ways." His voice gained an edge, though rather it was anger or hurt, Sebastian was not quite able to tell. "That's why you called me, isn't it? God, Seb, I am so sorry, this is my fault."

"No. God, why does everyone think it's their fault? Kurt, it was _my_ decision. I cut myself, I didn't want to have someone stop me."

"But you called me. That's what happened, right? You called me and I didn't answer, and I could have stopped you. . . " Kurt put his hand over his mouth; God, how pathetic. Sebastian always answered his phone calls, but when the situations were reversed. . . "Are. . . are you okay now?"

"I will be." Maybe. After they were done talking, he would be able to answer more accurately. "It was one slip-up, it's not like I plan to make a habit of it again."

Kurt's breathing was heavy as his eyes quickly scanned Sebastian up and down. "You've been eating, right?"

"Yes. I told you, I'm better." It wasn't entirely a lie; he was technically still eating. He had noticed he had been cutting back on food lately, but it was all unintentional. "It's just. . . I don't know, there is a lot on my mind lately, and I needed some sort of release."

"Do you.. . do you want to talk about it?" Kurt sounded as awkward as Sebastian felt. "Clearly, it won't.. . stop you from what you did, but. . . maybe it'll help you not do it again anytime soon?"

Sebastian sighed, running a hand through his hand. He was not someone to sit back and talk about his feelings; he was still uncomfortable from his conversation with Jeff. Hell, he was still uncomfortable from the conversation he had with Kurt the night he told him his disorder history. Sure, he would bring his problems up if they were vital in getting someone else to talk, but this. . . this would be a complete 180 from that.

Kurt looked just as apprehensive as Sebastian, but kept his eyes locked on the taller boy. "It's. . . an argument, with my mom. And partially with my dad, but he was too out of it to really do much yelling." Kurt's face remained impassive, telling him to carry on. 'Uh. . . they went to a dinner and some dick my dad knows was going on and on to my parents, saying some rather. . . unpleasant things about me to them."

"What sort of things. . .? "

"Well, when I have enough to drink, I tend to forget who I get friendly with, or who's doing what, for that matter. Apparently, one of the guys I was with is the son of someone my dad knows,, who was there. He told his daddy, who proceeded to tell me dad, who proceeded to get completely wasted. That pissed off my mom, and she came home bitching about how I basically did nothing but think of ways to disgrace the family name and it pissed me off."

Listening, Kurt slowly moved to sit back on the couch, this time closer to Sebastian. He wanted to interject, but he did not quite know what to say (a first for him.) If he spoke up, that could make Sebastian quit talking, and who knows if Kurt would be able to get him to start again. God, he was stubborn. Always trying to keep everything inside while simultaneously breaking everyone else apart from the inside out.

By now, Sebastian had sunk back in his chair, eyes focused on a spot on the ceiling. He was aware of Kurt watching him, and had he not been exhausted from recent events, he would have given a much more bitter explanation. As it was, Kurt deserved to know the truth about why he had done what he'd done. "I guess it was that, coupled with stress I've been under lately that made me snap."

"Is. . . stress? Because of. . . me?"

Don't let him go there, Sebastian. "Alright, listen to me right here Princess: Have I been stressed out lately? Obviously. Has the **stress** had anything to do with you? I'm not going to lie; yes, it has." He tried to ignore the way Kurt flinched and looked ashamed. "But I did _**not**_ cut myself because of you, okay? No one can make me do it. It was a decision."

That did not stop the panic in Kurt's eyes. "Damn it. You called me! I'm so sorry, I should have answered. You don't. . . this is too much for you to deal with, you. . . you should be focused on what's going on in your own life. It's- -"

Sebastian cut him off. "The thing is, I'm choosing to help you. I want you to get better, and that is another choice of mine. No one is making me help you just like no one put a pair of scissors in my hand and made me cut myself. School, and rehearsal, and my parents? Those are things I've had to deal with. There's nothing I can do about it, and frankly, I should be getting used to that by now. But me wanting to help you? That is something I am _choosing_ to do. And don't try to tell me not to worry about you anymore, 'cause I think I've made it clear I'm not going to let you deal with this alone. I can handle everything, it'll just take some a while."

Kurt cast his eyes down, trying to hide his guilt. No, don't turn this around on you. Sebastian needs your help here, Kurt. Focus. Take things one step at a time. "Sebastian, you don't have to put up with all that shit your mother was saying to you."

He received a scoff in response. "It's not like it's a simple matter. It's like I can't do a single thing without that. . . that harpy turning it into some selfish pity party. I don't blame everything wrong with our family on her being freaking. . . bipolar, or whatever she's claiming is wrong with her this week." He could feel anger boiling in him just by thinking about her. If there was anything he could rant and rave on about nonstop, it was his family. "But everything I do has to be turned around into how I humiliate them. She actually thinks my eating disorder was just so everyone would look down on our family. She can go out and have more affairs than humanly possible without thinking about how we'll be viewed, but I try to kill myself and it's all just to embarrass _her."_

"Sebastian. . . you need to just breathe. . ." Kurt wanted him to calm down before he hurt himself. Shit, maybe he should have started with another point besides his parents. But hell if he was going to let Sebastian keep thinking all the things they said. God, Sebastian didn't deserve that sort of treatment, he was far too better than that. . .

"And then my dad walks around like there is nothing wrong, and I am sick of him always apologizing for her. He actually tried yesterday to defend her. After she called me a whore and slapped me! Sure, maybe I'm a fuck up, and pathetic, and all that shit she's tried to beat into my brain since I was two, but that doesn't mean she has to keep shouting it a- - "He was immediately halted in his ranting by Kurt leaning over to press his lips against Sebastian's own.

* * *

Am I mean for ending it there? I really want to be mean for ending it there. Sorry I'm not sorry.

I'm actually very excited for this entire story from this point on. not that I wasn't before, but this'll be where all the goodies start comin'. The only problem is trying to figure out what I want to do. Exactly how far out I want to take it. I have plans pretty far along, it's just rather or not I want this story to go on or if I want to write a sequel, which would pretty much pick up right from where this left off. I'm not sure, but I'll cross that bridge when the time comes.

Oh, and I hope you all liked the speedy update. And the chapter as a whole. As always, thank you SO MUCH for the reading and reviewing and alerting and all that fun stuff. Keep that happening, and I will bless you with another bit soon enough.


	18. Chapter 18

_"Some people bring out the worst in you, others bring out the best, and then there are those remarkably rare, addictive ones who just bring out the most. Of everything._  
_They make you feel so alive that you'd follow them straight into hell, just to keep getting your fix."_― Karen Marie Moning

* * *

The first thought through Sebastian's mind was that Kurt tasted like cherries and coffee. Simple, but pleasant. And a much welcome change from the usual cigarettes and beer he had gotten used to since moving to this hick state.

The second thought?

Well, that would have to be 'oh dear lord, Kurt Hummel is kissing me.'

Shit.

He didn't immediately pull back, not until he felt Kurt deepen the kiss. At that, he put his hands on Kurt's shoulder and carefully pushed him off. If the expression on his face was any indication, Kurt was just as shocked by the kiss as he was. His hand flew up to lightly touch his lips before realization hit him. "Oh, God. . . " Sebastian didn't say anything, just licked his lips and stared. "I am so sorry, I don't even know what that was."

Now, Sebastian found his voice. "I think it was a kiss, Princess."

"No, I know, it's just. . . Um, I'm sorry. I should probably. . ."

He didn't know what made him say it, but Sebastian quickly spoke up. "No, don't. . . it's fine. You can stay." _Please stay._

There was no audible reply, just a small nod as Kurt sat back down on the couch. An awkward silence hung in the air for what seemed like hours before either one dared to speak. "So. . . " God, Kurt looked like he was about to set himself on fire. May as well relieve some of the tension before they both disappeared from humiliation.

"It wasn't totally unpleasant, Princess. Best kiss I've had since I left Paris, at the least." Kurt couldn't help but perk up at the compliment.

"Really?"

Sebastian smirked and gave a small shrug. "Yeah. Much better than the pathetic excuses for intimacy drunkards try to slip me. " Kurt's smile remained for a second before slowly fading. "There wasn't. . . anything behind that, or. . . ?"

"No, you needed. . . you were getting too worked up, I wanted to do something so you didn't. . . It seemed like a good idea."

"Yeah, I get it." Why your first instinct when someone is about to freak out to kiss them? He wasn't complaining, just curious. Then again, he could tell just by Kurt's body language that he hadn't been telling the truth. "That, um. . . "

"Maybe." That halted Sebastian's thought process. "Maybe there was something behind it."

And that was what Sebastian had been afraid of. "I don't _do_ relationships, Kurt. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I'm not exactly the person someone would keep around." No one ever kept him around for too long.

Kurt looked like he was about to protest before changing his mind. "I don't. . . know what exactly is going on in my head. Maybe I just latch on to people who help me, I really have no idea."

"Look, Kurt, I'm not going to lie and say this is okay. Maybe it's a rebound from Blaine, which is wrong. Maybe you're finally seeing like 97% of the homosexual population and realizing I am one of the finest asses in the country. But. . . I'm not sure what to say."

"I understand."

And Kurt did. Maybe it was some weird complex he had where he was attracted to anyone who saved him from himself, or perhaps there was genuinely something there that neither wanted to admit. He would be honest and say Sebastian was far from what he had originally thought. Sure, he was snarky and manipulative, with a tendency to sleep around. But that did not mean that was all to him, and Kurt couldn't help but want to get acquainted with every different side of Sebastian Smythe.

The boy in question was watching Kurt, deep in thought himself. He wasn't about to deny that there were things about Kurt that made him want to apologize for every wrong he had ever bestowed to the countertenor. And protect him and knock all those thoughts of not being good enough out of his delusional head by showing him he _was_ good enough. But that was just not possible. Not now, at least. "Listen, Kurt. . . whatever this is, I don't think we should- - "

"Jump to conclusions and make irrational decisions?"

"Yeah, that."

Kurt nodded, looking much calmer than Sebastian would have expected had he foreseen the situation. "I agree. Let's face it, we're both pretty fucked up lately to think things through."

There was a slight edge of disappointment in his voice that made Sebastian frown. "Just. . Let's let things play out."

With a nod, Kurt agreed. He leaned back on the sofa, hand clenched together in his lap as another couple of minutes passed them by in silence. "I think I should be getting home."

Oh, lord, not this again. "Kurt?"

"Yeah?"

"My parents are spending the weekend at some hotel in Columbus for their anniversary, so I'm all by myself. I'm lonely, Princess. Stay?" He spoke with a slight tease behind his words, making Kurt smile. "Besides, you already skipped school to come visit me. If you go back now, you'll just have a few hours left before rehearsal with the hobbit. May as well make the day enjoyable."

Kurt thought it over for a minute. He was already going to get grief from his dad once the school phoned to say he had missed, and then be given the third inquisition as to where he had been. Then again, he had almost perfect attendance with the exception of a few Blaine-related mental health days, and he had managed to keep his grades from slipping. One day off would not jeopardize anything. Plus it would make it easier to resist the urge to hit Blaine during practice. "I'd have to call my dad and explain why I skipped."

"See, this is when it comes in handy to have negligent parents."

Kurt rolled his eyes before calling Burt. "Hey, Dad."

"Kurt? What's wrong, why are you calling?" Of course having your teenage son call at – a glance to the clock on the wall – 12:30 on a Friday would be suspicious.

"No, Dad, everything's fine. It's just. . . Look, promise you won't get be angry, but you're gonna get a call later from the school about me missing class."

"What the hell, Kurt! Why would you do that?"

"I know, Dad. I'm sorry." He glanced over at Sebastian, who was watching the one-sided conversation with a bored expression. "I got a call from Sebastian – the Dalton guy who came by last week? Tall, sort of looks like a fancy rodent?"

"HEY!"

"Yeah, what about him?" Burt's voice sounded cautious, not sure what to expect.

Ignoring the mock offense Sebastian was spouting, Kurt answered his father. "He needed me to come to Westerville, and if it's okay, I'm going to stay here overnight." He paused for a bit, listening to Burt berate him for skipping school and driving so far out. "I'm sorry, but I don't want to leave him alone. Honestly, I'm 18 anyways, so this is a complete courtesy call."

"Kurt, is this guy safe?"

"Yes, Dad, he's harmless." . . . Well, in this state, he was harmless. It only took a small bit of prodding ant the promise to never skip school again to convince his father, though Kurt could tell he was still uneasy.

After he managed to convince Burt, he smiled at Sebastian, who smirked back. "So looks like the princess is here to protect me for the night. My, how the tides have turned."

"I'm not going to say this is completely selfless."

"Oh? Am I just so irresistible that you'll jump at the opportunity to sleep in my bed?" With Kurt's earlier admittance, the blush wasn't totally out of place. Sebastian couldn't help it, he liked to tease the poor kid.

"Well, I do partially think we need to talk about the cutting thing," Yeah, Sebastian was most definitely looking forward to that little discussion, "but it'll also be any excuse to avoid Blaine."

There was a red flag. "What did the little twat do?" Swear to God, if he was harassing Kurt over the breakup. . . Kid had to take a hint.

To his relief, Kurt shook his head, moving to make himself more comfortable on the couch. "No. I'm pretty sure he's the one who's been sending me a bunch of cards and things for Valentine's Day. I got one asking to meet at Breadstix on Sunday, so this way, at least I won't feel like a jerk for not showing up."

"You know, all you need to do is just give me to the word and I can make Blaine see a new light."

The grin on his face was enough for Kurt to feign fright before chuckling. "No, that's okay. Other than this, he's pretty much been avoiding me. And if he's not, I'm usually with someone bigger and tougher than him when he's around, so he's too afraid to say anything."

Sebastian nodded in approval. As long as he wasn't in an unstable state, Kurt seemed to be able to handle his own around Blaine. That didn't make Sebastian feel any better about the two of them being together when he wasn't around. It was a relief to know he had bodyguards around should things go south, though. "Good to know. Alright, if you're crashing here for a bit, looks like we need to make plans." With that, he looked at the time and pulled his phone out.

"Why does that sound less family friendly than what I promised my dad?"

"Relax, sweets. I figure I've been putting the guys through the ringer with the rehearsal, and I feel like a bit of a dick for taking a few breaks lately. I figure my parents have pretty much given up on trying to keep me out of the liquor cabinet, and I owe it to them to have a little a pre-competition drinking fest."

Kurt raised an eyebrow as he pieced the words together. "So you're going to invite the Warblers over, and we're all going to get completely wasted?"

"Précisément , mon poupée. Unless you don't want to. In which case, I'm pretty much going to do it anyways and just lock you in my room for the night while you regret your decision to kill the fun." Despite it sounding harsh, it was clear to Kurt it was gentle poking.

Sebastian shot a text to Nick, asking him to make the announcement of the drinking party at Warblers practice, to which he received an enthusiastic demand of vodka.

Ask and you shall receive.

Kurt felt he should be frightened.

* * *

Guys I have over 100 reviews for this brain child of mine O.O That is seriously mind boggling, and I love them all and I love everyone who left one or favorited/alerted, and I am just awe'd that people are actually reading this.

I tried to make this chapter lighter than the others, because I felt it was much needed. And next chapter should have more angst than this one, and I will have it out as soon as possible. Also, hopefully y'all caught what I was hinting at, and should be able to figure out that more canon-style angst is on it's way. Plus Blaine is still lurking out there, so he's gonna be messing things up for everyone, too.

I don't really have much to say, except that I hope you liked this chapter, and as always, stick around.


	19. Chapter 19

_"And all I can taste is this moment_

_And all I can breathe is your life_

_'Cause sooner or later it's over_

_I just don't want to miss you tonight"_

_-_Iris, Goo Goo Dolls

* * *

Operation 'Drink the Night Away' was off to a fantastic start, and Kurt could honestly admit that it was a welcomed event. That may have had something to do with the elevated levels of tequila in his bloodstream, or possibly just the general atmosphere that came with being around a group of slightly inebriated teenagers. Whatever it was, it was nice.

At the moment, he was sitting in the Smythe living room with the home owner and quite a few of Dalton's finest, some he knew, a few freshmen and transfer student's he didn't, and whose names he was incapable of remembering at this time. He had claimed a bottle of tequila for himself (if he didn't have to act as the designated driver for once, he was going to enjoy himself,) and had set it to rest on the floor beside the couch. Sebastian was sitting on the ground in front of the couch, appearing much more sober than the rest of the room. Not that anyone was completely trashed – though some were quickly on their way to it. The way they were all talking, they were here for the same reason Sebastian had proposed to Kurt: a way to relax. It made sense; what show choir member didn't need a healthy dose of alcohol this time of year?

He had shut his phone, not wanting to hear anyone from Lima question him about his personal life as they had done once word of his break-up got around. The only ones who knew about the reason behind the break-up were Sam, Finn, and Puck – there was no point in ruining Blaine's reputation, Kurt would not stoop to that level. What had happened was between him and Blaine, and if people were honestly that desperate to get the details, they could go hear it directly from the cheater's mouth.

It seemed like the glee club had been divided into two different groups: the ones who were urging him to 'kiss and make-up with Blaine' for 'the sake of the group' (this group was primarily Rachel, with Finn backing her up out of what Kurt suspected was fear), and those who realized he was a big kid, capable of making his own decisions (aka, the sane ones.) Then there was Blaine, who had taken to staring at Kurt at any given chance, as if giving him those giant puppy dog eyes was going to erase what had happened. He had been told by Tina, who had heard from Mike, that Blaine's explanation when asked was 'it was a misunderstanding; it'll all come around.'

Reaching down, he grabbed the bottle and took a small sip, laughing at something one of the new Warbler kids was saying. As he set it back on the ground, he found himself looking at Sebastian, who had tipped his head back and was staring up at Kurt. His eyes had a slightly glassy look to them, and there was a small grin on his face that couldn't do a thing but make Kurt laugh. "What are you smiling about?"

"Y'know, life's funny sometimes."

"Oh god, please tell me you're not one of those people who gets all philosophical when you're drunk."

"That's exactly what kind of drunk he is!" He heard Nick shout from the other side of the room –okay, he was losing his sense of volume control if Nick could hear him over the blaring music, probably time to take a drinking break.

Sebastian was still looking at him, like he wanted to keep talking. Maybe he wasn't as sober as he looked. "Alright, how is life funny, Seabiscuit?"

"'Cause, man. You're in my house, drinking my dad's alcohol and I don't want to choke you. That's funny." Apparently, Sebastian had a weird sense of humor when he was tipsy. He didn't go on, just took another drink from his own cup of unidentifiable liquid. He brought it back down to put on the ground, but knocked the bottle of tequila over in the process. A junior named Alex, who had been sitting right in the line of fire, quickly jumped op when it spilled over his clothes. "Whoops. Sorry, there." Sebastian laughed, leaning his head forward as he did so. Yup, he was gone.

"Alright, you need water before you're completely wasted, let's go." Kurt climbed off the couch and managed to pull Sebastian to his feet. He was surprisingly compliant when following Kurt to the kitchen, the faint music from the living room providing the smallest bit of background music. Sebastian leaned back against the island, his eyes shut tightly from the sudden change in lighting. Kurt found an unused plastic cup and filled it with water. It took a bit of prodding to get Sebastian to drink anything non-alcoholic, be he conceded and downed half the cup in one gulp. "So. . . tell me about how funny life is."

When Sebastian spoke now, it was slower, and Kurt wasn't sure if this was an indicator of sobriety or just Sebastian pretending to be wise. "My house, with the Princess getting wasted 'cause I asked you to come over after falling off the bandwagon. And, I mean, a few months ago, I'd have called Blaine-Blaine-Blainey, but he's kind of a prick, y'know? And I'd have spent the _whole night_ insulting you, but instead you're here, and I kind of want to insult him instead. It's. . .it's _funny." _

Kurt found himself laughing. "Well, good to see your vocabulary isn't affected by drinking."

"Hey, I am a very composed drinker."

"I'm sure that's why Alex is trying to dry his pants, then."

"He should have moved." Sebastian smirked, making Kurt smile, too. Now that they were alone, the alcohol seemed to leaving their systems. "Think about it, though, Kurt. This time last month, I wouldn't even be calling you _Kurt_, and now we're in my house, on our way to getting totally plastered.

Kurt couldn't help but smile at the way Sebastian seemed to be processing the situation. "I guess that's what happens when you find common ground."

"Looks like good things can come out of tragedy." Now, Sebastian chuckled and lowered his head. "God, that sounded to cheesy. You know what? I think the alcohol is taking a bit too much affect."

"Hey, Sebastian?" They both looked up and over at the kitchen's entryway. Jeff was standing there, a hand over his shoulder pointing out of the room. "I think Thad just broke something. There was a crash upstairs, and then he came down kinda. . . laughing about it, and - -."

"Oh, that's a lot of blood!" Was heard clearly from the next room.

"Oh, shit!" That seemed to sober Sebastian up quickly, as he pushed himself off of the counter and made his way out into the hallway. "I'll kill him if it's something big. Be right back." He made a pointed move to lock eyes with Kurt before disappearing. "You're replacing whatever you broke, Thaddeus, I don't care if you're bleeding!"

Both boys remaining in the room looked at each other before bursting out laughing. Jeff took a few steps inside and stood in the spot Sebastian had previously been occupying. "I take it you're still pretty much sober here?"

"Yeah, unfortunately. Someone had to cart these guys back to Dalton, and I drew the short stick. Literally, they cut sticks and I pulled that one. I'm saying it was rigged." Kurt let out another laugh before taking a drink from Sebastian's forgotten water. "What about you, how're you supposed to get back to Lima?"

"Mm, I'm not. I'm crashing here tonight." He took notice of the way Jeff's eyebrows raised in shock. "Hey, Sebastian wouldn't let me drive home even if I wanted to, and I'm not leaving him alone tonight." He caught the slight implication behind his words and tried to cover it up. "Not if he plans on getting drunk, I don't want him to do something stupid because of it."

"Yeah. Drunk. I wouldn't leave him, either. Did he.. . tell you what he did?"

Kurt hesitated before answering, as if trying to figure out if there could be any other meaning behind Jeff's words. He couldn't come up with any, so he decided to just accept the realization that Jeff meant the cutting. "Yeah, he told me. How did you- -?"

"He told me to. Or, actually, I kind of found out. I'm very persuasive, Mr. Hummel."

"Oh, I'm sure of it." There was an awkward silence, Kurt debating rather to press Jeff on details about Sebastian's behavior lately or not. It wasn't like Kurt had the ability to keep an eye on him as often as he would have liked, and the way he had spoken earlier in the day, it seemed this relapse had been a few weeks in the making. And before, Kurt had been a bit too obsessed with keeping his (now ex-)boyfriend out of Sebastian's clutches to pay much attention to the way he acted when he wasn't flirting. He _**had **_managed to learn about Sebastian through their meetings ever since 'the incident,' but he hadn't noticed Sebastian acting any different. He didn't have the chance to. Jeff went to Dalton, were Sebastian spent most of his time. And all signs seemed to point to them being friends, maybe he could clue Kurt in.

He could not think of any tactful way to go about asking, so he decided to dive head first into it instead. "Hey, Jeff? Mind if I ask you something.?"

"Yeah, What do you wanna know?"

"You're around Sebastian more than me. Has he. . . has he really been acting so off lately?" Jeff tilted his head as if he didn't understand the question. "It's just. . . when he showed me what had happened, he said it was from stress and everything lately."

"Wait, he showed you? " Again, Jeff looked genuinely surprised.

"Yeah. . . " Kurt filed that away to interpret later. "Yeah, he showed me. They were pretty bad. . . No, not now. Anyways, has he been? Acting weird, or anything?"

Jeff looked up, as if he were trying to recall. "Maybe. . . I mean, he's looked like he's been sick, and he's been quick to snap at everyone, but when he's off by himself or something, he seems. . . happy? Not the right word, but he's brighter. I can't describe it, a lot of people seem to think it's 'cause he succeeded in breaking you and Blaine up - - "

"Oh, god, please don't tell me I have people at Dalton wanting my head on a stick for breaking their Golden Boy's heart." His tone was a mock plea, but he seemed to be genuine in asking.

"Maybe one or two. Okay, twenty or thirty." Kurt groaned and threw his head back in defeat. "Don't worry, no one here does. Or at least I don't think so. . . we all saw how you were fawning over Blaine last year before you two hooked up. I guess we just assumed there was a good reason."

"Yeah, hell of a good reason." He counted himself lucky that Jeff didn't press for details. "I'm sure I already have enough enemies there already, after stealing him away from you all."

Jeff gave him a quizzical look. "What, like when he transferred? No, no, we don't hate you."

"I would've thought so, he transferred because of me. You guys lost your soloist and friend, I'd be mad at me if I were you."

"Blaine can make his own choices." _Truer words have never been spoken. _"Besides- and don't tell him I said this,- but it's sort of nice to actually have a chance at performing, you know? Nicky and Thad actually got to sing with Sebastian for one of our Sectional's songs. It was nice, things seem fairer."

"Really? Well, good for them." He could empathize with the unfairness of someone singing all the time. Maybe something good had come out of him transferring, if things were at least balancing out at Dalton. "So. . . Sebastian's. . . what? He looks off, but he doesn't seem off?"

"Yeah, if that makes sense." It probably did to Jeff, but Kurt was lost.

"Talking about me behind my back, Sterling? I'm hurt, truly I am." That familiar snarky voice accompanied Sebastian as he walked back into the kitchen. There was a bottle in his hand, probably jacked it from the living room after dealing with whatever had happened. "I think Nick's looking for you, something about drinking making him want you or something equally disturbing."

"If you want to me to get out of your kitchen, just say the word.

"Alright. Out." Jeff smiled before exiting the room. Kurt leaned forward to rest himself against the top of the island. Instead of joining him, Sebastian sighed and made his way over to the double doors that lead to the backyard. Curious, Kurt followed him outside to the small patio, where they both sat against the side of the house.

From this spot, it was almost impossible to hear the music, or the boys Sebastian had left, inebriated and unsupervised, in his living room. It was a cold night, as was to be expected from an Ohio winter night. Luckily, there seemed to be just enough alcohol left in both of their systems to keep them warm. "So, what did Thad break?"

"Hmm? Oh, he just ran into the wall and broke a picture on the wall. I'm making him pay me back for the frame, it's just explaining the stain his bloody nose left on the carpet that'll be a problem. I should have invested in some baby gates to keep them all penned downstairs, didn't exactly think this night through."

"Well, hey, everyone's enjoying themselves, and we have all night to get wasted and not care. I'm sure that's gotta count for something. You seemed to be having a good time."

Sebastian chuckled and leaned his head back. "Yeah." His voice was soft, and it seemed to have lost the slight slur. Kurt was sitting up straight, eyes locked onto the taller boy.

"Hey, Sebastian? Talk to me, alright?"

"Shouldn't that be my line?" His head was still back and his eyes still shut, so he did not see the look Kurt gave him. Despite that, his shoulders dropped in defeat. Maybe he could see where Jeff had been coming from, saying he looked like something was wrong., but not acting. Had he looked alright back inside? Kurt couldn't remember. "So, I didn't get a chance to ask you earlier, but how's Anderson been?"

Always trying to move the serious talk away from him, typical Sebastian. "I don't even care anymore. He keeps looking at me like he's waiting for me to forgive him, but it's not gonna happen. I have forgiven a lot of his crap, but this isn't something I can just forget about. Honestly, it's sort of pathetic. He's been sending me letters and presents all week. He even sent one of those gorilla grams, like he can just buy an apology."

"That does sound like something he would do." Sebastian agreed, his breath visible in the cold air. He picked up the bottle and drank before passing it to Kurt. "Y'know, I'm pretty sure that could be considered harassment. I can get him off your back if you want."

Kurt accepted the bottle and took a small sip before grimacing. Vodka. Definitely not his favorite, but he took another drink regardless. "Sebastian, I want him to leave me alone, not end up in the hospital because you went all Hulk on him." Though now that you mentioned it. . . "No, it's fine. I really don't know how I'm supposed to go the rest of the year with him looking like a victim 24/7. What I can tell you is I'm going back to Lima later today. Blaine wants to meet at Breadstix, we'll meet at Breadstix."

A strange predatory air seemed to descend. "Are you sure that's a good idea? What if he tries something?"

"You know, contrary to popular belief, I can defend myself. Public place, most of the New Directions'll be there. . . I can actually handle this one."

"Yeah, but say he says something that throws you off the deep end? What then?" There was the slightest hint of warning in Sebastian's voice. As if he wasn't just curious, he was worried about that happening. Like it would be the worst thing in the world.

Kurt said the only thing he could think of. "Well, then, I'll know who to call." At this, Sebastian lifted his head and turned so he was looking in Kurt's eyes. Then he smiled. "Now, what about you?"

Sebastian genuinely did not know what he was talking about, and his facial expression made that clear. "Say something happens and you want to do something to yourself again. Would you call anyone?"

Realization hit Sebastian. "No, don't worry about that, Kurt. It was an accident."

"I don't care. You promised to be there for me. I'm doing the same. So I want to make one more." They kept their eye contact, and it was silent for a few seconds before Kurt continued. "Promise me that you're not going to listen to that bull your mother said yesterday." Before Sebastian could protest, he spoke again. "Promise me that, if you want to hurt yourself again, you'll call me instead. I'll answer next time, I swear."

"I'm not going to make a habit of it again, Kurt. It was a slip up."

"Yeah, well, if you have a slip up again, call me. You always pick the phone up for me, I'll always pick up for you."

Sebastian's mouth hung open as if he wanted to say something, but no words came. Instead, he just accepted the vodka when Kurt passed it back and nodded. Kurt took that to mean a 'yes' – God, he hoped it meant a yes. He let himself fall into a more comfortable position against the house, mimicking Sebastian's posture of staring up. It was late –just after 10, last he checked,- and the night was rather clear. The good things about not being in a big city, no bright lights to obstruct your star-watching.

It wasn't anything Kurt had ever been particularly fond of (that isn't to say he didn't see the appeal; he had just never taken the time to do it), but it seemed to have Sebastian captivated. His eyes were now shut, his face slightly pink from a mixture of the alcohol and wind. He looked calm. If it weren't for the bruise on his face, he would look like some sort of serene painting. He looked calm.

And that was enough to make Kurt smile.

He didn't know how long they sat like that, Sebastian looking to the sky and Kurt looking at Sebastian. But eventually, Sebastian pulled himself up with the wall as support, and held out his hand to help Kurt up. "You're shaking, we should probably get inside."

"You sure?" Yeah, it was pretty cold –it was winter in Ohio, after all,- but being out here looked like the best thing. "We can just go get jackets and come back out here."

Sebastian caught on to what Kurt was implying and gave a small smile. Pulling Kurt to his feet, he shook his head. "It's fine. Let's just go make sure these idiots haven't destroyed my house." With that, he wrapped his arm around Kurt's waist, the vodka bottle left on the patio, and lead them both inside.

* * *

Hi guys. Uh. . . I'm back? And before anyone gets mad at me for not updating in almost two months, let me vehemently apologize! I am so, so , soooooo sorry. And people kept messaging me on Tumblr asking very politely when I would update, and I kept saying 'soon, I promise!' because I honestly thought it would be soon. The only excuse I have is life. I moved back into the dorms a few weeks ago and classes have started up. I'm a psych major, and I'm double minoring in Religion and Chinese, plus I have choir, so my schedule is pretty hectic. Before that, things were just a bit difficult. I won't bore you with the details, but that is my reason for not updating. And I know what I have now may not be the greatest, but it is my transition chapter. And I personally love the ending.

I guess what full on inspired me to actually write this chapter as it was me empathizing with Sebastian's relapse, since I did the same a few nights ago. I was like 'I can use this to write,' so at least something good came out of my relapse. And I know exactly where the next few chapters are going, it's all a matter of finding time to write it down. But I promise that I will never go this long without updating this fic again, I swear.

Also, I have decided Iris will forever be the song I listen to and think of this story. And my headcanon is that Sebastian is a stargazer when he's stressed or thinking. I'm making it a point in a one-shot I have based off of this.

As always, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for the BEYOND lovely reviews I've been getting, and to those of you still reading this. Truly, they all mean a lot to me. I will update as soon as possible (next up will be have a bit of a confrontation with Blaine and Sebastian, so you have that to look forward to.)

As always, I hope you all enjoyed, and have a wonderful time until I get the next update soon. In the meantime, I have some Doctor Who to watch, so I bid you all adieu.


	20. Chapter 20

_"But it was not your fault but mine_  
_And it was your heart on the line_  
_I really fucked it up this time_  
_Didn't I, my dear?_" -**Little Lion Man, Mumford and Sons**

* * *

It was not the first time Sebastian had been woken up with paws kneading into his back. It was, however, the first time he woke up to that mixed with someone actually **_nagging_ **him to get up. "Your bed side manner is terrible. Turn the cat off."

"I'm sure she'll stop when you get your ass up, Smythe."

Even with his head buried in the pillows, Kurt could hear the smirk in Sebastian's reply. "I don't think you know my cat, Princess. She ain't ever going to stop. She's going to be pawing me on my death bed." With a half-defeated sigh, he pushed himself up on his elbows, sending Celeste tumbling to the floor. "Mmmmm what time is it?"

Kurt tossed him a shirt before answering. "It's about a quarter to ten. I figure this can be your punishment for drinking until 2am,  
moron."

"You're worse than a mother, anyone ever told you that? Well, maybe not my mother, but I'm assuming any competent mother would just love you."

"Once or twice." Kurt smirked and sat down on the bed while Sebastian made his way to the bathroom. "You probably don't remember, but Jeff and Trent carted the guys back home, so no one crashed here."

Well thank god for that. He could not deal with a bunch of hung-over degenerates this early in the morning."Um, correction, kitty cat: You crashed here last night."

"I was invited. Besides, I'm not 'no one,' and I had a favor to ask anyways."

"Hit me, babe." Sebastian walked out of the bathroom, glasses on and in fresh clothes. He headed for his desk, leaning against it while eyeing Kurt.

"D'you want to go with me to Sugar's party later today?"

Well that wasn't the question he had been anticipating. "Um… Kurt, I told you yesterday I don't do the whole 'date' thing."

"I dint mean it like that." Kurt retorted quickly. "I get that, I don't… I don't know what came over me when I… kissed… you. I meant more for moral support."

"Moral support?" Sebastian repeated as he made to check his phone. Dad: 3 missed calls. Lydia: 5 missed calls. Oops. "What do you need moral support for?"

"Well, I do have to face Blaine later day, andd it might be nice to have someone there so I don't smack him."

Sebastian's mind quickly worked to recall just what princess was going on about. "Wait..." Yeah, he remembered Kurt saying something about that last night. "You were being serious about that?"

"Dead serious. I can't just keep avoiding him the rest of my life."

"Well, no, but going out of your way to confront him sort of seems like it could, you know, set things back."

"That's why I'm taking you with me." There was a pregnant pause where Kurt met Sebastian's eyes as if to drive the point home. "I need to do this. Maybe it'll hurt like hell tomorrow, but I can't keep prolonging it."

Sebastian didn't say anything, just ran his hands through his hair and groaned. He put the phone back down and made to sit on the bed next to Kurt. "I guess you're right. Fine, I'll go, but just now I'm not going to make an effort not to key his care."

Kurt sighed and closed his head. God, it wasn't even noon and this day was already giving him. "I'll take what I can get. Now," He pushed himself up and moved so he was in front of Sebastian, "I need to raid your kitchen. Breakfast should help absorb some of that alcohol, and we both need to eat. And I for one and desperately craving waffles."

God, Sebastian smiled way too hard at hearing him say that.

Kurt had been quit during the ride, and for once, Sebastian had let him. Planning to meet your cheating ex at what was originally meant to be a fun night out with friends while accompanied by the guy who had caught your eating disorder probably didn't sound like the greatest thing to do. Sebastian didn't like it. He had made that abundantly clear over breakfast. And lunch. And every chance he got until they were actually in his car on the way to Lima. If he hadn't gotten his point across before, there was no chance of it now.

And he owed Kurt some thinking time. Pulling up outside of Breadstix, he waited until Kurt was halfway to the restaurant before even getting out of the car.

"Hey, if he tries anything, just give me a look and I'll be right over." Sebastian told him when hey were both standing inside amongst the over-abundance of hearts and McKinley losers. He felt way out of his element. But this was for Kurt. . . All for Kurt. . .

"Sebastian, I appreciate it, I really do. But I can handle this myself." Kurt looked him directly in the eyes, as if trying to convey some deeper message that completely went over Sebastian's head, before making his way to a booth.

Sebastian sighed and leaned against one of the back tables. This night would either end great, or end terribly, and at this point it could go either way. He didn't like knowing this could potentially take a turn for the worse, because that was the last thing Kurt needed right now. He got it, Kurt needed to have a sane talk with Anderson. But that didn't mean Sebastian had to like it.

He turned around to sit down and make himself comfy when he caught sight of a familiar ball of gel attached to a body. Blaine was sitting, back turned to the door, across from a kid who barely looked like he was in high school. What the actual fuck. . .

_Then, who. . . ? _He spun to get a look at where Kurt was sitting, only to see him with someone who was explicitly not Blaine. Sebastian couldn't quite make out who it was, but the expression on Kurt's face was one of full concentration on whoever it was. It didn't look like was in any trouble, but he could still keep an eye on him.

Well, until he was pulled away from his view after being noticed. "Sebastian?" He turned around to see he had been spotted by the little hobbit.

Resist. Urge. To choke. "Blaine! What a surprise, it's good to see you." Moving closer to the. . . couple. . . he was suddenly thankful for the years of grooming that made him able to pull off such a convincing fake smile.

To his credit, Blaine did look genuinely surprised, mixed with confusion. "Hey, what are you doing here? It's closed for a private party."

"Oh, some kid from your school asked me here so he didn't look pathetic. I didn't catch his name, but I must say, I am enjoying the view now." And a big giant thank you to being raised to lie at the drop of a hat. Blaine gave a half-smile at the supposed compliment. Hmm. Sebastian could have some fun with this. "So I heard you finally dropped Hummel. What's the story there?"

He could actually see Blaine squirm in his seat a bit, his eyes dart around in discomfort. "Yeah, we, um. . . we had a bit of a misunderstanding. I don't know, he won't talk to me and I think if he just would, we could fix everything."

Alright, so it was growing increasingly harder to bit his tongue. "Well, can't say I'm disappointed at your latest single status. Who's you friend?" He already had a pretty good idea, but it was just his own twisted enjoyment in watching Blaine twitch.

When he finally opened his mouth to speak, Sebastian's attention was suddenly forced elsewhere with the sound of the door harshly being opened and then slammed (well, as much as a restaurant door can be slammed. It just made the little bell get obnoxious.) He looked over his should to see what had made the commotion only to be met with Kurt quickly walking towards them. Shit. . .

At first, Sebastian had been the only thing in Kurt's line of sight. Until he suddenly felt himself under the uncomfortable gaze of three very confused boys. There was a moment of hesitation where Kurt looked from Sebastian to Blaine, debating on what to do. At last, he moved close enough to Sebastian for it not to seem intimate, but just enough so he could whisper in his ear. "I think we should leave."

"What happened? Did he do something?"

"Kurt, what the hell. . .?" Kurt swallowed to help his suddenly dry throat. It took all of his willpower to not look at Blaine. Focus on Sebastian, he's the only other person in the room.

Sebastian seemed to be able to maintain focus a lot better than Kurt, because he hadn't taken his eyes off of him. "Kurt, are you okay?"

"I will be. Just. . . I need to think, mind if I go back with you again?"

That was not as quiet as he had hoped, if Blaine suddenly standing up was an indicator. "Go back where?"

That urge to punch was growing even more powerful. No, Sebastian, ignore. Kurt. Attention. Go. "Yeah, that'd be fine." Questions could wait for later. Things were about to get real ugly real fast if they didn't remove themselves from the situation.

Kurt visibly relaxed and let his eyes wander to the pair still staring at him. Blaine looked furious, his face demanding answers while the kid who would only assume was 'Alfonso' just looked utterly confused. "Blaine, I can explain later –"

"Oh, no, Kurt. I get it. You won't talk to me, you won't answer my calls, you won't even look at me, and so you go off and find the neighborhood whore."

God, Sebastian was not in the mood for this. . . "Anderson, you'd be better off shutting up."

Blaine just scoffed, eyebrows raised. He seemed to ignore Sebastian's warning, still talking solely to Kurt. "And here I was thinking you were better than that. I guess we're both getting to see each other's true colors now. Whatever, enjoy your Chlamydia." With that, he grabbed his coat off the back of his chair and made for the exit, a very confused Filipino boy on his heels.

It took just a quick look over at his. . . friend? . . .for Kurt to see the anger in his eyes, and to predict his next move."Sebastian, don't- - "

Before Kurt could pull him back, Sebastian was storming out after the pair. They were halfway through the parking lot when Blaine spun around to face him, looking angrier than Kurt could ever remember seeing. "What the hell, Kurt? You left me for **_him_**?" He spat the last word out as if he couldn't even say Sebastian's name. Instead, he just thrust his finger in the taller boy's direction. Sebastian got as close as he could with Kurt trying to hold him back.

"He didn't leave you for anyone, prick. Maybe you should have actually tried to keep him."

At this, Blaine rolled his eyes. "Are you really one to be talking, Smythe?" He spat out the name like it was poison. "First ten minutes of knowing me, you tried to fuck me. I turn you down, so you go after him instead?"

"What the Hell's going on here?" Blaine and Sebastian seemed too caught up in glaring at one another to notice the small group that had shown up. Puck had been the one to speak, though a few other New Direction members were there as well. Kurt didn't have a chance to answer him with anything other than a look of pleading before Sebastian yelled back to Blaine.

"Well, clearly, it doesn't take much to get you to cheat. Not that it matters anymore, Kurt deserves better than you, anyways."

"What, and you think you're better than me?" Kurt took a step forward, holding his hands out in an attempt to control the situation. "God only knows what diseases you're riddled with."

"Guys, you both need to calm down."

"Like that stopped you? You may have been saying 'no,' but you really suck at pretending you're not interested, babycakes. You could've stopped talking to me whenever if you had actually wanted to. And for future reference, no, I know I'm not better than you, but he sure as hell is. Do you even know how bad a boyfriend you were? What sort of damage you caused? I'm surprised he didn't drop your ass sooner."

"Sebastian, stop it!" the yelling was enough to drag his eyes away from Blaine and onto Kurt. Rather it was to actually put an end to the fight or stop Sebastian from disclosing more information than necessary, he wasn't quite sure. "Just forget him, he's not worth it."

If he hadn't been listening earlier, Blaine sure was now. "Kurt, how can you say that? Better yet, how can you possibly think this is okay? I have done _everything_for you!"

"No, Blaine, you have done everything **_to_**me." It all seemed to change. All the sadness, confusion, and self hatred he had been feeling for the past few weeks changed into something much more potent: pure anger. Even he was taken aback by his tone. He took a step closer to Sebastian so that they were almost touching, but his eyes were locked on Blaine. If his words didn't make Kurt want to hit him, that kicked puppy look did.

That all-too familiar look of self-pity, those scrunched eyebrows, those 'woe is me' eyes. . . it still hurt Kurt to look at it."I transferred schools for you! I left my friends and the Warblers because you wanted it!"

"Yeah, then you turn around and cheat on me a few months later!" He could hear the group behind them talking, trying to diffuse the fight,, but Kurt didn't care. No, he was not about to let Blaine look like the victim here. "Stop talking like I'm the one who hurt you here, because you lost that right the moment you decided I wasn't worth it."

"I don't love him, Kurt!" There was a rather audible gasp from Alfonso, who up to this point had remained silent a few feet away. If Blaine heard it, he paid it no mind. "I love you! I want you!" A pregnant pause filled the air before his volume went down and he practically snarled, "Or at least I did, before you decided to downgrade to him!"

Sebastian made to step forward, but a hand on his bicep was enough to stop him. "For your information, I didn't downgrade. I've spent the past three weeks hating myself for losing you, but that was just stupid of me! This is your lose, Blaine. Oh, and just so you know, I'm not with Sebastian like that, but he is worth more than you and more than what you ever gave me."

If Blaine wanted to say anything back, he didn't. He simply sent them a glare before stepping back. "Whatever, I have better things to do with my time. Call me when you get your sanity back in the meantime, try not to catch anything from your new whore."

Puck and Sam managed to hold Sebastian back, but not before he had landed a strong left hook right to Blaine's nose. It was strong enough to send Blaine crashing into a nearby car, where he now sat awestruck, nursing his bloody nose. Someone screamed when Sebastian hit him (it sounded like Sugar), and Alfonso quickly moved to help him up.

It didn't look like Sebastian needed to be restrained, so the boys let him go. Kurt moved forward and placed a hand on his shoulder, noticing now that Sebastian was shaking.

As soon as Blaine was to his feet, he shook Alfonso off and stomped away. The poor kid looked confused for a moment, eyes flickering between Kurt and Sebastian, and Blaine's retreating form. He stumbled backwards, looking at the small group. "I'm sorry. I didn't know he had boyfriend, I didn't mean to hurt anyone."

Sebastian opened his mouth to say something, but was shut up by Kurt speaking first. The kid looked genuinely sorry, he didn't deserve Sebastian's residual anger. "Don't be sorry, it's not your fault he's a prick. Want my advice? You could do better."

There was a pregnant moment of eye contact before Alfonso turned and raced in Blaine's direction. Once they were both out of sight, Kurt felt his body ease up on the tension he hadn't known was there, and relaxed against Sebastian. In return, Sebastian wrapped his arm around Kurt's waist before leaning down to whisper in his ear, "Your friends are still here."

Kurt snapped around to see them all giving him mixed expressions. He shot a panicked look at Santana, who seemed to take the hint as she sighed and grabbed a hold of Brittany's hand. "Alright, guys, Sugar's rich daddy only has the place booked a few more hours, so I'm thinking we should go back and get our Valentine's day on."

"But- - -."

"Move it, people, I have a girl to kiss. I'm not freezing my ass off 'cause of y'all." She turned back around to look at Kurt and Sebastian before throwing a few insults out to ushered the others inside.

"She's a bit scary." Sebastian commented, finally releasing the hold he had on Kurt. Kurt nodded, his mind finally catching up with the night.

Oh, god, coming here had been a mistake. . . first the whole David thing and then actually _seeing Blaine and that **kid**_ and then the fight. . . no no no. Had he thought this night would end well? He had hoped, but he had realistically assumed the best he would get from Blaine was mutual indifference. He had never thought it could have been someone other than Blaine sending him those things, and even if he had, David Karofsky would be the last person on that list. Then Sebastian had said something and Blaine had said something and all hell broke loose. . . This was going to give him a huge headache in the morning. . .

Next to him, Sebastian still looked tense. As soon as he was sure Blaine was out of sight and the scary Latina chick was keeping everyone inside, he stopped trying to regulate his breathing. Maybe it was the cold, maybe it was his blood sugar starting to crash. Whatever it was, he couldn't breathe. Adrenaline had been his main source of fuel during that little impromptu battle, but now that was gone and he was left to think and shit shit shit and things weren't adding up and. . ."I need to get out of here."

"Wait, what do you. . .? Sebastian!" Before Kurt had a chance to question or grab him, Sebastian had taken off in a brisk walk away from him. Kurt stood there, not comprehending just what was going on. Great, as if this night couldn't get any more complicated. "Hey, wait up!"

He caught up with Sebastian after the younger boy had sat down on a bench near the opposite end of the parking lot. He was hunched over, head bowed and hands clenched behind his neck. "Sebastian?" He meant for his voice to sound curious, but he couldn't exactly hide the worried tone it carried. Oh well, he figured, maybe that's what Sebastian needed.

Without looking up, Sebastian answered. "Yeah, I have temper issues. Sorry I punched your prick of an ex."

"Oh, no, I actually enjoyed that part. Some guy's going to be mad when he finds nose-blood on his car, but I'd say it was worth it to see his head sort of whirl around." he smiled once he heard Sebastian give a small laugh before easing down next to him. "You just dashed off, figured I should come check on you."

"Well, as you can see, I'm fine. My hand hurts like hell, should have figured Anderson's head was so thick."

"Yeah, I can tell you're fine. That's why we're outside in thirty degree weather with you looking like you're about to have a mental breakdown. Persistency goes both ways, Smythe."

With another laugh, Sebastian moved his hands to his lap and lifted himself into a proper sitting position. "Maybe I taught you too well on that account, young grasshopper."

Snarkiness AND eye contact. Kurt would definitely take that as a positive sign."Thanks. Y'know, for what you said back there."

"Just said what needed to be said." he shrugged, but Kurt could tell he was only trying to act nonchalant.

"No, you could have just hit him and left it at that. You didn't need to actually say anything."

"Yeah, Kurt, I did. Someone needed to defend you, and you weren't about to do it yourself." he turned his neck so they were eye-locked. God, it was starting to get cold. "But I'm glad you finally called him out on his shit."

"And let me tell you, it felt _damn_ good." He offered Sebastian a half-smile, which he had hoped would be returned. Instead, Sebastian averted his gaze again. To the sky, to the road, to the fucking dirt. Anywhere but at **_him._**

"Kurt, I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore. I don't… Care like this. I mean, yeah, I'll hurt anyone who thinks it's okay to hurt my friends, but this…. It's different." he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. His breath was shaky, though rather that was from the cold or his uncertainty, Kurt couldn't tell. "Like, say some guy says and does those things to Thad, or Jeff, or someone. I'll knock him on his ass, but I wouldn't… feel… like this."

"Like what, Sebastian?" Kurt felt like he should reach over, at least touch Sebastian in some minimal sense of contact. But he didn't know if that would help or hurt the situation. Instead, he just moved so that Sebastian could at least see him. No more of that avoidant crap.

"I don't know like what, that's the whole point, I. . ." He leaned forward again, taking a deep breath. "I don't know.

Kurt wanted to press him. He understood not being able to put your emotions into words, and that only added confusion on top of whatever you were already feeling. And that sucked. But now was neither the time nor the place. It was freezing, and they had both left their coats in the car. Sebastian's hand was probably hurting from how hard he had punched Blaine, and they had both assumed they would eat here so neither had eaten since around noon. Basic needs first, Sebastian's fucked up mental state as soon as those were covered. "You know, I told my dad I'd be staying the weekend. And I'm sure he wouldn't question if I came back tonight, but if it would help, I could stay over again."

There wasn't a response for quite a bit, though Kurt was sure Sebastian was taking time to comprehend what he had said. When it did seem to sink in, he shook his head and licked his now dry lips. "Yeah. Yeah, that'd be great, actually."

"Alright, in that case, I am going to start your car before we freeze to death. Come on, Seabiscuit." Kurt pushed himself of the bench and made to grand Sebastian to heave him up as well. Instead, he found his own arm being grabbed, lightly halting him from standing to his full height. Before he could question what was going on, Sebastian was pulling him back down, bringing them closer, before kissing him.

Despite both of them being near frozen and the tension that still hung in the air from the fight, Kurt felt warmth. It only lasted a second, before Sebastian pulled away and leaned back. Then again, it felt like an eternity as well. Extremely long yet far too short.

When Kurt had kissed Sebastian, they had both been shocked. This time, neither boy mirrored the same look of confusion. Instead, there was a long moment of silence before Kurt reached back over to gently bring Sebastian up like he had originally planned and "Come on, we should probably get going."

"Yeah." Sebastian replied, any smartass comment lost on him. He reached into his pocket and took out his keys, handing them to Kurt. "Do you mind driving?" Kurt nodded as they headed for Sebastian's car. "Thanks. I need a nap."

Talking could wait.

Basic needs first, Kurt.

* * *

Hey guys. . . I'm back?

Alright, so I think apologies are in order. I meant to have this up so many times and I made posts on Tumblr saying it would be up soon and I hate myself for not getting around to it. I really have no viable excuse. Stress and family problems, school, and one hell of a relapse are all part of that excuse, and I really am sorry for not pushing through them to get this up in a timely manner. I want to say I'll be on a regular update schedule, but I'm struggling at the moment. That isn't fair to you guys who have been reading this, and I really am sorry I can't have chapters up more frequently. But it's hard. After Thursday I'll be on break until January, so I'm going to try and get some writing done then, too. The relationship will move forward, and the ending of this was meant to be awkward. They're both in completely uncharted territories. I'm going to explore that next chapter, and I do love me some Sebastian-angst. And let me tell you, it felt great to write about Sebastian punching Blaine.

Anyways, I don't have much else to say. As always, I can't find the words to describe hoe much the reviews you guys give means to me. Seriously. There's a PM that's been sitting in my inbox for a while now and I just can't find the words to answer how much it means to me into words. Whenever you guys review this story and let me know what you thought, even if it's a little thing, it means a lot. It makes me feel like I'm doing something right with this story. I'm sorry, I don't mean to digress. It means a lot, is what I mean to say. So, if you want, keep them coming.

I hope you guys enjoyed, and again, I am so very sorry for the wait. I hope this makes up for it, but I'll understand if it doesn't. I promise to have the next chapter up as soon as I'm able, and if that takes a while, than I apologize in advance. As always, I hope you have a good day and I'll see you next time, m'dears.


	21. Chapter 21

_"But there's nowhere to hide from these bones, from my mind_  
_It's broken inside – I'm a man and a child_  
_I'm at home with a ghost, who got left in the cold_  
_Who knocks at my peace, with no keys to my soul" _The Mirror-Blue Night, Spring Awakening

* * *

Once back in the Smythe living room, both boys found themselves on opposite ends of the sofa in an uncomfortable silence. Kurt had made a point to stop and get Chinese take-out to fill their stomachs, but it had thus far been left untouched.

He wanted to say something. God knows he wanted to say something. But what? Sebastian was only the third person to kiss him, and it had just been so... different... from the others. When David had done it... well, that was something he tried not to remember. With Blaine, there was always love behind it, and Kurt was not about to deny that much. But when Sebastian had surprised him in that cold, empty parking lot, there was something there Kurt had never experienced before. It was as if Sebastian had been longing for something, needing the kiss like it was air. It hadn't been gentle by any means, but there wasn't any malice behind it. Hunger and desire and passion had been the driving forces.

And now, there was nothing. Sebastian had actually fallen asleep on the drive back, and after unlocking the front door, had settled himself into the couch after paying the liquor cabinet a quick visit. Maybe it was the past few days catching up with him, maybe something else. Whatever it was, it was scaring Kurt. Normal people didn't turn catatonic after punching someone and then kissing their ex. Of course, this was far from a normal situation, and they were far from normal people, but that didn't change the fact that this could not go on.

As it was, Sebastian was nestled rather nicely into the couch, staring at the unopened bottle of whiskey he had swiped. "Sebastian?" Kurt was met with silence. "Sebastian, would you please just talk to me?"

Sebastian looked up from his spot to meet Kurt's eyes. "What for? Everything's fine, Kurt."

With a deep breath, Kurt dove right in. "No, Sebastian, it's not. You're shutting down, and if you keep trying to fight this on your own, it's going to backfire. You've already cut yourself because you refuse to let anyone in. If you're not going to do something about it, I am. I'm not going to sit back and do nothing while you self-destruct."

"Yeah? Why the hell not?" What scared Kurt the most was the genuineness behind the question. Sebastian could honestly not see why Kurt was even still around, let alone pushing this.

So Kurt gave him the only answer he had. "Because you did the same for me in January."

Sebastian blinked. January? God, had it really only been a month ago that this had all started? That he had forced that confession out of Kurt and set into motion this cycle he never could have foreseen? He could hardly remember anymore.

He remembered getting a Facebook message during a shouting match with his mother and his anger at the time being replaced with shock and the tiniest bit of relief. He remembered that shaky text, begging him to come over only to find the boy he thought of as a prissy little pony bleeding out. He remembered giving Kurt the rundown of his own life, recalling things he had tried to keep buried for the better part of four years.

He remembered a night spent in the cold, his brain fuzzy from alcohol and finding it way too easy to ignore the rowdy group of teenage guys getting drunk in his house- his only thoughts had been about the sober boy three feet from him. That same prissy pony he had told everything to. He remembered dissociating in his kitchen and spewing forth his entire medical history to him. The anorexia, the cutting, the attempt... Every last vile thing he had ever done to his body. He had told him, revealing the inner-most workings of his own self-hatred. Not because of some bullshit therapy session his parents had forced him into, or because of some standard psych eval his doctors required of him. Because he had genuinely wanted Kurt to know. Because he genuinely _needed_Kurt to know.

And here that boy was, and here Sebastian was, with the roles completely reversed and all those buried thoughts and insecurities fighting their way to the surface. Had it really only been a few weeks since that day he found out Hummel's little problem? God, Sebastian felt so old. And maybe he was. You don't do that much damage to your mind and body without being met with exhaustion. His bones ached and his nerves were practically numbed. He was so tired.

Kurt hadn't taken his eyes off of Sebastian, though his face portrayed more calm than what he was actually feeling. He was worried. This wasn't Sebastian. That pretty boy with the private school blazer and the French whore smile -that was Sebastian. Sebastian didn't do quiet, and Kurt suspected he wasn't use to being at a loss for words. Then again, maybe this was Sebastian. Not the Sebastian Blaine knew, the Sebastian who Kurt had met back in November. Certainly not the Sebastian who had a reputation for breaking apart relationships and somehow managed to remain STD-free.

"If you expect me go into this huge rant-fest where we cry and talk about our feelings, it ain't about to happen. Blaine was being a douche, and I don't care how badly his teeth cut up my hand, he had that coming to him. You don't like violence, I get that. Doesn't mean I regret it."

"And the kiss?" At this point, Sebastian made a motion to grab the bottle in front of him. Kurt managed to grab his arm and stop him, feeling Sebastian quickly tense up. They stayed like that for God knows how long before the taller boy eased up and sunk back into his spot. "Sebastian?" He tried to keep his tone steady, but it wavered from worry. He was afraid Sebastian would shut down again, and that was the last thing he could handle tonight.

Kurt was startled when Sebastian began to speak unprompted, soft and slow. "Back when we lived in France, I blacked out at my grandpa's birthday party. I told you, right after was when I tried to kill myself. A few weeks after that, my aunt came over with my baby cousin. Well, she's not a baby anymore; I think she's about 7 or 8 now. But she was only 4 back then, and all she knew was that her cousin 'Bastian had gotten sick at Opa's party and everyone got mad. Her mom was a flake and her dad was a no-show. All of our other family was either here in the states or in the Netherlands. We were the only ones living in France, and our moms were close, so she didn't really have anyone else. She's sort of like my sister, I suppose. "

Kurt wasn't sure where this story was going. But Sebastian was speaking openly, just like he had asked, and he was not about to do something to take that away. "So I'm in my room, I'm tiny as hell and still had a hospital bracelet on, and I just turn around and see my cousin. And I feel like such a girl for admitting this, so breathe a word of it to anyone and your ass is mine. I see her, and I started crying. Because she's fucking four, she doesn't understand what any of it meant, and everyone else who was supposed to love and take care of her hadn't. And Lotte just stares and says not to cry, and then asks why I was sick. And again, she was four. How can you tell a four year old you hate yourself and got sick because you couldn't stand the thought of eating? That you swallowed a bunch of her aunt Lydia's crazy pills so you wouldn't have to deal with life anymore?

"You can't. You can't fucking say those things to a four year old. Not someone like her. So I crouched down and told her it didn't matter how I got sick, because I was going to get better. I pinky-promised I wouldn't scare her like that again and she hugs me. You know what happened then?"

Kurt shook his head despite knowing the question was rhetorical. "My mom and her mom come upstairs looking for her. My aunt Elise looks at me and then at her, and tells her to stay away from me. I don't think she meant for me to understand, because she thought I didn't know Dutch enough to do that. But I did, and Lotte kisses me on the cheek and leaves. And my mom just walks away, acting like I didn't even exist.

"I love my cousin. And having her see me like that made me realize for the first time how much I care about someone. More than myself, that was for sure. And since then, every time I feel like I'm starting to care for someone, it scares the hell out of me. It... Shit, Kurt, it scares me. Because if I care for someone else so much, I risk hurting them like I hurt her. They can see me. Not that flirty, sex-crazed, borderline alcoholic I've become, but let's be real, that's part of who I am, too. But they see the rest of it, they see what's left of that stupid, stupid little kid I wasted four years of my life being. And I hate remembering that person. "

"Whenever I talk to her or Skype her, I know Lotte sees it. She can still see that kid despite my attempts to fight him back, and she still doesn't understand; all she knows is that she's terrified for me. And the guys in the Warblers saw that skinny kid, too, and some of the best friends I had when I was in France. I thought maybe Blaine would see, but guess i was wrong there. But you...?" Kurt raised an eyebrow, unsure of here this was going. "It's different. You didn't see it. Or maybe you did, or you would have, I don't know. The point is, I showed you it. I needed you to know it. And once I realized that, it was more terrifying than everything else. 'Cause when I start to care, and people start to see it, someone always gets hurt."

Kurt had learned by now to pick up on the subtle nuances that Sebastian had. The way he tended to talk faster when talking about something that made him uncomfortable, for one. And that bit was growing more and more evident. "Sebastian, you know I would never use anything you've said against you. You'd kill me and make it look like an accident if I even thought about doing that."

"I know, I know. I'm not worried about that, I... God, I know you wouldn't use any of this shit against me. It's just. . . " It looked like Sebastian was in physical pain trying to verbalize his thoughts. Kurt reached over to place a hand on his arm, and could feel Sebastian ease up with the simple touch. "I'm not. . . this isn't exactly my area of expertise here, Princess. I have people I would do anything to protect, and maybe I'm a cruel, manipulative asshole most of the time, but that doesn't mean I don't care."

He looked to Kurt, as if wanting him to say something. Instead, Kurt just tightened the comforting grip on his arm to help ground him to reality. "Kurt, I don't… I don't know how the hell this is all supposed to work. I have this bad habit of fucking up everything that comes my way. Call it a curse, maybe that's what it is, but it just happens. I don't… there is just so much fucked up lately, and neither of us needs this."

"Sebastian, you don't—"

"Kurt, can you just listen to me?"

"No, Sebastian, you're going to listen to me." He found himself taken aback by the authority in Kurt's voice. "Whatever is going on that is making you so scared of dealing with your emotions has got to stop. I don't know where you got this notion that you fuck everything up, or whatever it was, but you don't. If you only fucked things up, I'd still be starving myself while Blaine used some poor kid behind my back. Just because you think you'll screw up doesn't mean you will, so stop being so damn scared of what might happen. And I never took you for someone who's afraid to take chances, Smythe."

He hadn't been expecting any sort of response, and he found Sebastian's wide-eyed stare almost comical. Had the situation been less serious, he would have laughed. As it was, he sent a heavy-set stare in Sebastian's direction, until he saw the one thing that could make him smile: that snarky, little meerkat smirk. He chuckled and leaned back into the couch. "Good to have you back, Princess." Kurt blinked, but kept his gaze hard. "Oh, don't give me that look. You got your bite back, I was beginning to miss it."

"Stick to the subject, Sebastian." Not for the first time, Sebastian was beginning to wonder when their roles had been reversed. He could see that Kurt was not about to ease up, and seeing as this was his house, he didn't exactly have the luxury of leaving.

With a sigh, he slunk back all the way into the sofa. He was trapped. "Okay, Kurt, here's the deal." He took a deep breath before continuing. "Look at how much shit you've had to deal with. I'm not about to come in and complicate things more, 'cause that is not what you need."

"I'm sorry, Sebastian, I appreciate that, but who exactly are you to decide what I do and do not need?"

"Sebastian Alexander Smythe, that's who I am. The guy who has more problems than most people have brain cells. You know I had no idea what I was doing when I told you to call me that first time? I still don't, all I knew was that I hated you, but I could never resign someone to that sort of Hell. And the longer it went on, the more I realized that I couldn't leave you – Kurt Hummel – I refused to leave _you _like that. Because you deserved so much more, and I cared too fucking much to leave you."

He took a deep breath, his body finally catching up with his mind as he continued to talk. "Every time I think I have something good, it comes crashing down, and people get hurt. And I can handle being hurt, I've dealt with that shit my whole life. What I can't deal with is- - " He cut himself off and buried his head in his hands. Kurt would never get used to seeing Sebastian at a loss for words.

"What can't you deal with, Sebastian?" Say it. _You know what you need to say and I know what you need to say, so just get it over with already._

Sebastian snapped his head up so that he was looking at Kurt once more. His eyes were wide, though Kurt could not tell what with. "If I hurt you, I won't be able to deal with it. I can't just stop caring about you, but that means you'll get hurt, and then what? You stop eating, you go back to cutting, and God only knows what'll happen then. If I hurt you, I won't forgive myself."

At long last, Sebastian looked defeated. He shut his eyes, and brought a hand up to rest his head. Kurt withdrew the arm that was still holding Sebastian to twist himself into a more comfortable position. He was sure the food was cold by now, and he would have to make sure they both ate later. Sebastian looked exhausted, and he was sure he did as well. It was late, and he couldn't help but wonder just how long Sebastian's parents were going to be gone for. Nonetheless, now was not the time for sleep or worry. Now was about sorting things out, and to stop dancing around each other with avoidance techniques. "Sebastian. . . do you. . . like me?"

Sebastian shrugged his reply. "Yeah." And then he laughed. "Fuck, I guess I do. My Little Pony, the guy I wanted to push into open traffic four months ago, is the guy I want." He laughed a bit more, and Kurt resisted the urge to ask just what was so funny.

Instead, he kept his tone steady and his eyes set. "I like you, too. I told you that, the other day when you were rambling on and on and I shut you up by kissing you. Sebastian, you're not a total moron, so you should be able to figure out what happens when two people like each other, yeah?"

"Kurt, I already told you, I'm not going to risk hurting you. I'm not the kind of guy who should be in a relationship, especially not if it could potentially risk your life. As much as I hate to admit, Blaine was right: you deserve better."

"Okay, Sebastian, look.. ." He sighed before continuing. "Maybe you're right, maybe one of us will get hurt in the end. And that'd be bad, obviously, since we could both use a little work in the whole 'coping' department." Sebastian snorted at the understatement. "But why doesn't that mean we shouldn't try? You took a shot on helping me, knowing it could make things worse. You take chances all the time, and _**now **_you decide to be tentative about it?

"And frankly, I am getting sick of other people trying to decide what's best for me. I broke up with Blaine because, you're right, I do deserve better. A month ago, I would be shaking at the thought, because God forbid someone better than Blaine shows an interest in me. You know what I deserve?" He saw Sebastian start to answer, and then cut him off. "I deserve someone who won't let me fade away into the background. And I don't mean that in some metaphorical way, I mean someone who won't let me fall apart and do nothing."

"And whether or not you'll admit it, you deserve someone good, too. We're both pretty fucked up, but look so far. I'm eating like I used to, and I haven't cut in weeks. Maybe Blaine helped me before, and I was. . ." Kurt had to pause to try and compose his thoughts. "Maybe I have this thing where I latch onto people who help me. I'll admit that much. And maybe this will end bad, but we never know if we don't try."

He left off there. Sebastian had straightened himself up by now so that he was looking Kurt right in the eyes, hanging on his every word like it was his last breath. He was talking in what Kurt was saying, his own mind racing a mile per minute trying to process. There was a good few minutes of silence, with both of them leaving the words to linger in the air while they say with their own thoughts.

At last, Sebastian shook his head and chuckled. "God, I can't believe this is happening." He looked up, noting that Kurt was now much closer, and he could feel the warmth coming off of him. "I don't want to fuck this up."

"Well, you never know. I could be the one to fuck this up. Or both of us, or neither of us, but who knows?" Kurt was now smiling, though the tension still filled the room. It seemed lighter, just enough to remind him exactly who he was with. "All I know is it's about time I stopped telling myself I shouldn't be happy."

"I think so, too." Without another word, Sebastian had brought his hand up to Kurt's neck, and was pulling him close until they were kissing. It was soft, and Kurt's hand moved to lie on the small of Sebastian's back before pulling back. He laughed and hunched forward, snapping back up to see Sebastian's smile. God, it was gorgeous. And that made him smile. Both of them relaxed their bodies into the couch, feeling the air lighten significantly "You know, don't know if I had the chance to tell you this before, but you're a better kisser than I would have expected."

Kurt snorted now, relief spreading through him to hear Sebastian's familiar snark. "And you're really bad at getting your shit together, Smythe."

Sebastian smirked and stretched his arms out across the back of the sofa. "Just don't say I didn't warn you beforehand."

They sat in a comfortable silence, their hands snaking around to hold one another with just the occasional sound of traffic outside to accompany them. After a while, Kurt spoke up."Okay. . . Sebastian, if we're going to do this, we need to figure some things out first."

"I agree. For starters, I don't do shopping sprees, or facials. Sorry, babe, but it ain't happening. And you're not going anywhere near my wardrobe. Stay away from my clothes."

Kurt had to resist the urge to smack him, settling on an eye roll instead. "Not what I meant." _And I am __**so**__ going through your wardrobe first chance I got._

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Sebastian reached forward, at first to grab the whiskey bottle still on the coffee table before deciding on a bottle of water instead. "So go ahead, lay down some rules, Princess."

"First off, we **both** need to keep trying to be better. Even if. . . if you don't want to talk to me, or I don't feel comfortable talking to you about it, that's alright. We can't keep doing this. When I came over the other day and saw your arms, I was torn between wanting to punch you and wanting to fuss over you. So just. . . stop hiding when something's wrong. Talk to someone, please." Sebastian nodded, knowing he would have set up that ground rule himself if Kurt hadn't brought it up. He was tentative to agree, knowing he might end up breaking that promise, but the best he could hope for was both of them to keep it.

"Good. Second, we both need to stop being self-deprecating. We're both pretty bitchy, and don't deny yourself there." He added when Sebastian opened his mouth to retort. "So no talk about how one of us isn't deserving, or that sort of bull. This is mutual, and I think we should both keep that in mind and talk before thinking otherwise." Another hesitant but sure nod. He could get used to Sebastian actually following his orders. "Third rule- - "

"How many rules do you have?" Sebastian sounded legitimately disgruntled, and Kurt was glad to see no remnants of the catatonic state he had been in before.

Leaning in, he placed a soft kiss on the side of Sebastian's mouth before continuing. "Third rule: If I find out you're screwing some Filipino kid named Alfonso, I'll break your jaw."

* * *

21 chapters in and here we have full-on Kurtbastian. And an update before the New Year, which is what I am proud of. Do you guys realize this is almost at 150 reviews? I am just so glad for that, and I can't say how much I appreciate everyone who's read this story. I really don't know when I want this to end, because I expected this to maybe be 10 chapters at the most, but it's taken a form of it's own and I just have so many ideas I don't know what to do with them all.

I am a bit of an angst-queen, if you can't tell yet, so this story won't be over any time soon. Or at the least, if it is, I'll have a sequel up because I can't stand the idea of letting anything with potential go to waste. And I've found inspiration to continue on with For the Nights, my Niff story that is in the same basic universe as this that I'm loving. I wrote a little one-shot, if anyone is interested, because I wanted to explore the Jeffbastian friendship I envisioned but wasn't sure how that would translate into this story, so take a look if you're interested. And there is just so much I want to do with the works I've created, I don't even know where to start. i'm rambling, I'm sorry for doing that, but everything has just taken a life of it's own and I love it.

Thank you all so much for the reviews. You guys are the actual sweetest, and I love them. I wanted to get this up before I was away from the internet for the day, so I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up, but hopefully as soon as I have a few free hours.


	22. Chapter 22

**TW**: This chapter does have major references to and heavy talk of suicide in comparison to the rest of the story. Please read carefully if you are easily triggered.

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"You're no angel, I'm no saint, if we were

We wouldn't be in this place tonight" - **Collide, Kid Rock ft. Sheryl Crow**

* * *

To be completely honest, Kurt should have expected to be cornered first thing Monday morning. Under different circumstances, he would have been expecting it. But he had gotten off of one of the best weekend's he'd had in months, can you blame the guy for wanting to hang on to that a bit longer? Although, in hindsight, he should have seen this coming before Santana had him all but pinned to a wall in the hallway.

By now, word had spread around the school about the parking lot incident over the weekend. No one knew for sure what had happened, only that some strange kid from another school punched Hummel's ex at Sugar's party. Thankfully, anything to do with their little group was quickly disregarded by most of the school. And it's not like it had been difficult to ignore the texts and calls he received demanding an explanation for what had happened.

But spending Sunday with Sebastian, after the chaos that had been the past few days, Kurt had actually let himself forget about everything else. Simply talking things through with his boyfriend –God, he never thought he would be proud to call Sebastian that- had been just about the greatest thing. Holding Sebastian and being held by Sebastian and kissing Sebastian and just talking with Sebastian. And getting home Sunday night and feeling for the first time in months that things might actually be okay? He hadn't wanted to think about coming back to reality.

He most certainly did not want that reality check to come in the form of being man-handled by Santana as soon as he set foot in McKinley. He had barely walked through the front doors, still reeling from the ecstasy that had been his weekend, when she grabbed him and pressed him against a nearby locker. She was currently staring him down, and for

"Alright, first things first, 'cause I'm frankly offended you didn't tell me earlier: Why did I have to find out from that 90210-wannabe that you and Anderson broke up because he boinged someone else?" Kurt was still reeling from suddenly being grabbed that he didn't quite know what to tell her, so he found himself shrugging in response to the question. In return, she rolled her eyes, clearly not happy with his answer. Santana took a step back to scan the hallways before turning her attention back to him. "Okay, so how about this: what were you even doing with Smythe at the party in the first place? Wait, did he find him in the back alley with one of his customers and decide to bring him along as your date?"

"No offense, but I really don't see how that's any of your business, Santana." Kurt said as he managed to compose himself after his initial shock. He had talked to Sebastian about it, and they had both agreed not to go public with… whatever they had going. Kurt didn't want Sebastian to have to deal with everyone hassling him about it, and Sebastian didn't want Kurt to be judged for moving on so quickly in everyone's eyes. It had been a mutual decision, and Kurt could tell right here and now that it would be a difficult secret to keep if everyone was going to hound him about it. Especially if Santana was going to keep insulting Sebastian. He knew she didn't mean any personal offense by it, but that didn't mean he was going to sit by and let her say things like that. "He's my friend, I wanted to bring him. And I'm sure glad I did. Don't try and tell me you didn't like watching Blaine hit the pavement like that."

Obviously, his comment had worked on lowering her anger if the smirk on her face told him anything. Kurt immediately relaxed as well when Santana took a step back, no longer crowding him and giving him a chance to actually breathe. He readjusted his bag on his shoulder and took a deep breath before speaking. "Look, I get that you have this whole. . . I don't know, Mama Gay protective deal going on, but I can tell you right now. Sebastian was watching out for me. If. . . things could have turned out a lot worse if he hadn't been there." He admitted, which was true enough.

It was hard to tell if she was pleased or not, seeing as how her face barely moved. She looked over him, taking in what he had said, and Kurt could practically see the gears in her brain moving as she contemplated the incident. After what felt like an ungodly amount of minutes, she sighed and Kurt watched her physically relax. "You know, kudos to Smythe for having the _huevos_ to knock Blaine down in his own part of town, but if I'm being real, the boy's just lucky he had you around to protect him."

Well, that was not the response he had been expecting. "I wasn't protecting him Santana, he- -"

"Kurt, he punched Blaine." Santana said, trying to drive that point home. "A lot of the guys have issues with him, yeah, but they've still got that whole 'protecting our own' mentality thing going on. If it had just been between him and Barry Manilow, you best be betting that he would have had a bunch of violent choir kids to deal with. But you were there, and I guess that was enough to stop Puck and Sam from thinking Sebastian only did it for the hell of it."

Kurt, quite honestly, did not know how to respond to that. They wouldn't have hit Blaine for harassing him if Sebastian hadn't been around. . . would they? He remembered right after everything happened with Blaine, when he'd come clean about the cheating. Sam had been pissed, and Finn and Puck had both been ready to go after him. If he had told Santana, he was pretty sure Blaine's body would still be tied to a cinderblock somewhere deep below Lake Huron. They had all been looking out for him, and after a bit of thinking, he realized Santana was right. They would have defended him over Blaine, and that was what it all boiled down to. Had it been necessary, they would have sided with him over Blaine. People – his friends – _cared about him more than Blaine. _And just why was that so mind-blowing?

Just like he had been when he first walked into school, Kurt found himself smiling. He didn't know what he was smiling about, but it was there. He had been convinced for so long that Blaine was better than him – and true, in a lot of senses, he was still sure of that. But not completely. Maybe he actually was able to stand in comparison to him, instead of feeling so utterly inferior. . .

Still watching him, Santana only grew confused. He had just looked like a lost dog, not entirely sure of what was going on, but now he was smiling? Not that she was complaining, she didn't exactly want Hummel to go back to that moping state he'd been in for the last few months. He'd started cheering up though, around the time that Sebastian started making his presence known. He'd been the one to knock sense into him, then the one to knock his cheating ex to the ground. That was definitely a bit of a bonus in her book.

Santana threw her arm around Kurt and smirked. "Alright, fine. Richie Rich gets off of my bad side. For now. Come on, I want to go find Blaine before school starts and see if his nose is bruised. Tell your boy toy he's got a nice left hook."

* * *

"Smythe, you have some serious explaining to do." Great, that was exactly how Sebastian planned on ending his otherwise wonderful day.

From his spot lying on one of the couches in the practice room, Sebastian peeked an eye open to see what appeared to be half of the Warbler's standing over him. And if the expressions on their faces were anything to go by, he had done something pretty intense to piss them off. He hadn't gotten much sleep over the weekend, and all he had really wanted was to catch a quick nap before rehearsal started. No, that was not about to happen. What the hell had he done this time?

"If this is a gangbang, I'll be honest, I only feel comfortable stickin' it in about half of you. You should sort yourselves out accordingly."

He gazed up at them, growing even more irritated when they all just continued to stare at him. With a sigh, he sat up and twisted around so that he was facing them. He ran a hand through his now messy hair before speaking again. "Okay, someone care to explain exactly what it is I did?" He leaned back against the couch and crossed his arms, not wanting to exert the energy it took to stand up if it was something pointless.

"If you seriously don't know—"

"Clearly I don't know, or I wouldn't be asking, dumbass." Sebastian snapped at Thad, narrowing his eyes and feeling his mouth pull into a thin line. His weekend had been fantastic; this was definitely not how he wanted to come down from that high.

He pushed himself off of the couch, suddenly glad that he had a height advantage over just about all of them. Hell, the only person that came close was Jeff, who he noticed was standing just a bit behind the rest of them and looking a lot less willing to be there. He crossed his arms again and shot a glare at them individually, tapping his feet loudly just to show how impatient he truly was.

It was finally Nick who spoke up, taking a step forward as if to show that Sebastian was not intimidating him. "Word on the street is that you punched Blaine over the weekend after you were at some McKinley girl's party with Kurt. So take your pick as to just why we're mad. Hitting our friend, manipulating Kurt –—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Sebastian's expression changed from one of anger to one of outright offense. When the hell had this gotten around and twisted? "For starters, _Duval_, yes. I hit Anderson. Want to know something else? I'd do it again if I had the chance." He smirked, watching as Nick only grew more and more angry. It isn't as if he was trying to anger the guy more, he just honestly wished he would have gotten another hit in. Sebastian took a step back, having enough self-preservation not to risk getting smacked. "But I didn't manipulate Kurt. I punched Blaine because he called me a whore and was being an asshole to Kurt. Excuse the hell out of me for not wanting to hear him insult me and insult my friend."

He wasn't about to be scared off because these guys had gotten their facts wrong. Sebastian liked Nick. The two of them got along pretty well, and Sebastian had no problem spending time and hanging out with Nick. It was probably an added bonus that Nick just so happened to be dating his best friend, but Sebastian probably would have been cool with him regardless. But there was no way he would let Duval stand there and act like Sebastian was the devil. Especially considering that he was probably getting all of his facts from Blaine. And God fucking knows those had to be biased beyond all belief.

Nick took a small step forward. He was still clearly pissed, and Sebastian's eyes quickly fell to see that his hand was clenched into a tight fist. Jesus Christ, was he mad. And Sebastian should have expected that. Nick was protective of the people he cared about, it was just about the only time he would even think about resorting to violence.. He didn't want to have to deal with this. He was in a great fucking mood, and he was not about to let anyone ruin that.

"You know, you and Anderson are about the same height. Want to give me a little target practice?"

"Okay, you both need to calm down." Jeff chose now to move forward. He grabbed Nick' sleeve and pulled him back, then stepped into the space between the feuding boys. Both of them continued to glare at one another while Jeff attempted to keep a hold on Nick. "Seriously, can't you morons try and sort this out later? You know, when you're _not_ risking suspension by fighting on school grounds?"

Sebastian glanced over at Jeff, slightly relieved that he had stepped in and that things wouldn't escalate like he had been expecting. At the same time, he couldn't help but want to smack Nick down just to prove a point. He hadn't done anything wrong. He wanted to yell at Nick, yell at all of them that their precious ex-lead was nothing but a cheating scumbag who had almost succeeded in breaking his supposed 'soul mate'. But even Sebastian could tell that was fruitless. They didn't have time for this. And Sebastian definitely didn't have the patience.

He took a defiant step towards Nick, making sure that it was small enough so that Jeff wouldn't feel the need to separate them anymore, and smirked. "You have a problem with me? Fine. We'll sort it out later. But right now, I'm in too good of a mood to deal with your idiocy." Nick made to lunge forward, but Jeff already had a hand out to hold him back. Jeff shot Sebastian a look, obviously curious, but Sebastian brushed him off. He didn't feel like explaining anything to anyone right now.

He stepped over to the side so he could glance at the other Warblers. If the looks on their faces were anything to go by, they didn't have nearly as much bravado as Nick to actually try and face down Sebastian. He smirked to himself. It might be a temporary victory, but he'd take it.. "We have Regional's in a week. In case you don't know what that means, it means that I don't have time to waste because you guys are pissed at me. Now, how about we try and actually get shit done, yeah?"

* * *

**Kurt (5:12)**: Are your parents home?

**Sebastian (5:14):** My, my, someone seems awfully eager. Wouldn't you say this is a bit rushing it there, Kurtie?

**Kurt (5:14)**: If yes, meet me outside. If no, open the damn door.

Sebastian was both confused and concerned at the message. Kurt was only to-the-point when something was wrong. It had been a few days since they'd gotten together, with rumors about his little fight with Blaine still making their way around Dalton, but they hadn't seen each other since the weekend. So if Kurt had driven all the way out to Westerville, he must have had a reason. They had planned to meet up on Friday, why couldn't Kurt wait until then?

Quickly, he placed his phone on the kitchen counter, leaving the notes he'd been reviewing for the Warblers, and walked into the foyer to the front door. As soon as it was open, he saw Kurt leaning against his porch, arms wrapped around himself and shaking. His face was red and his eyes puffy. Sebastian could tell he had been crying, and that was a problem right off the bat. "What happened?"

Before he had finished asking, Kurt immediately threw his arms around his neck, nearly knocking Sebastian off balance. Shocked, he placed a hand on Kurt's back to steady both of them and then proceeded to wrap both his own arms around Kurt's waist. He could feel Kurt shaking, listened to his struggled breathing, and heard him crying in to his shoulder. It took a bit of maneuvering, but he managed to get the two of them into the house before removing Kurt's arms from around his neck and sitting him down on the staircase. "Hey, calm down." Sebastian sat beside him and began rubbing circles on his back. "Kurt, talk to me." He was growing more and more worried with each passing second. He had seen Kurt cry once or twice, but never anything like this. Had someone hurt him? Had Blaine done something? … had he done something to himself? He moved his hand from Kurt's back to wrap it around his waist, pulling him closer. "Babe, shhh. It's okay, talk to me."

Still shaking, Kurt settled into Sebastian's side and rested his head on his shoulder. _Breath, Kurt. In and out, you need to breath,_ he kept reminding himself. It took a while, but finally he regained enough control to trust himself to talk. When he did, it was in ragged, choked syllables. "Se- - Sebastian… Please… please promise me something."

That did nothing to erase Sebastian's fears. "What do you need, Kurt?"

This time, his words were soft, but clearer. "Ple- - please promise you'll … never try to kill yourself again."

Sebastian was pretty sure his heart had stopped beating when the words registered in his mind.. Where the hell had that come from? Oh, God … He didn't want to think about it. "Kurt, I'm not going to. I promise. I told you that already." He tightened his grip around the still shaking boy. "Did… what happened?" His mind instantly began thinking of any and all things that could have prompted this.

Kurt opened his mouth to speak again, but was unable to get the words out before he began sobbing again. Sebastian just continued to hold him for what seemed like hours before he managed to talk. "Da- -um, David Karofsky?" Sebastian gave a hesitant nod, anger flaring up in his chest. What the hell had Yogi done now? Sebastian was not opposed to violence at the moment. Kurt made to speak again but was cut off with his own sobs.

Sebastian pulled him closer, trying to shush him. "Kurt, what did he do? Come on, babe, you can tell me." He put his mouth closer to Kurt's ear, pressing a kiss to his temple before saying, "please?"

"He… " Kurt began taking deep breathes, trying to pull himself together but still leaning in Sebastian's embrace. He didn't think he'd be able to say anything if there was any sort of distance between them. "The other day, he… he tried to kill himself."

Of all the scenarios Sebastian's mind had thought up, that had not been one of them. His eyes widened, and his jaw dropped, as well as the arm that was around Kurt. Kurt was controlling his tears by now, having wrapped his arms around himself and curling against the wall.

Neither boy was sure just how long they sat there, with nothing but Kurt's occasional sniffles to fill the silence. At one point, Celeste had climbed her way down the stairs and rubbed herself against Sebastian's hand, turning to Kurt when she had gotten no response. He had absentmindedly pet her, not sure of what he could say without breaking out into tears again.

He had managed to keep himself composed when he first heard the news, simply sending a text to Mercedes asking her to tell Mr. Schuester that he wouldn't be at rehearsal that day. As soon as he was in his car, though, he lost it. He had no idea rather to drive home and lock himself away, or drive to the hospital and demand to talk to Dave. Without even thinking about it, he had headed straight for Westerville. It hadn't even registered in his mind just where he was going until he was actually holding Sebastian, using the sound of the other's heartbeat to bring him back to reality.

When Sebastian finally did speak, his voice was rough and hesitant. "Is… You said tried, so I'm guessing he pulled through?"

Kurt nodded, eyes set on the small kitten purring loudly beside him. "Yeah." His own voice was raw from crying. "I guess he tried to hang himself after school the other day. His dad found him in time, and he's in the hospital right now. I don't know everything, but as far as I know, he's going to be alright." Sebastian nodded, not sure just how he should respond to that.

He did the only thing he could think of, and wrapped his arm back around Kurt's waist. In return, Kurt set his head on Sebastian's shoulder, and laced his hand through Sebastian's free one. Celeste nudged his elbow once, but pranced back up the stairs when it was clear she wasn't going to be pet anymore.

When either of them spoke again, it was barely audible. Kurt was messing with their clasped hands, not wanting to stay silent anymore. "Sebastian, this is my fault."

"What? No. What?" With the quiet that had filled the room by then, Sebastian's words sounded almost like a shout. He snatched his arm back and leaned forward to make eye contact. "Kurt, you didn't- - "

"He tried to call me." Kurt quickly cut Sebastian off. He sniffled once, looking upwards in order to hold back his crying. "He's been calling me ever since that night at Breadstix, and I just… I kept ignoring him. I mean… " Sebastian tightened his hold on Kurt's hand. "I don't know what he would have wanted me to say, and I was trying to focus on other things, I just didn't… God, I should have answered. And. . . " He brought his hand to cover his mouth as more tears prickled in his eyes. "And people at his school saw us at Breadstix and outed him to everybody, and he they kept harassing him about it, until he. . . " He couldn't hold back anymore as the fresh wave of tears hit him. He brought his legs up to his chest and hunched forward, taking a small comfort in the feel of Sebastian.

In return, Sebastian gripped his hand tighter. No, no, this was all wrong. "It's not your fault. Okay? He's the one who did it. It's not like you're the one who tied the rope, or whatever. And you're not the one who outed him." He leaned in close to Kurt so that he was whispering the words directly into his ear. Kurt took a few deep, shaky breaths to keep himself calm and nodded, but his expression was still one of disbelief. Sebastian didn't know what to do. He had learned by know that once Kurt was convinced of something, it was hard to tell him otherwise. And if he dwelled on this, this stupid idea that he was somehow to blame, then that might revert him to how he had been just a few weeks before. "It might be just as much my fault as it is yours." Sebastian finally mumbled under his breath, barely audible.

That seemed to do the trick of snapping Kurt out of his daze. His brow furrowed and his eyes narrowed. The look of disbelief was still on his face, but for completely different reasons.

With a sigh, Sebastian pushed himself up off of the stairs, still holding Kurt's hand and dragging him up as well. Kurt looked at him curiously, but allowed himself to be led off of the stairs and over towards the living room. Once walking across the living room's entryway, Sebastian dropped his hand and sunk down onto the couch. Wordlessly, Kurt sat down next to him and frowned. The look on Sebastian's face was hard to read, but Kurt managed. His eyes were blank but downcast, his jaw firmly set, and his brow furrowed. Kurt tilted his head to the side and inched closer to his boyfriend. "What. . . Sebastian, how could any of this possibly be your fault?"

"I was at Scandals a couple weeks ago, and he was there. And I've spoken to him a few times before, but," Sebastian paused for a second to lick his lips. His mouth suddenly felt dry and his head was growing fuzzy, "but this was the first time he's actually come up to me. And he asked me for advice – guy advice-, and I just… " He shook his head and let out an almost bitter laugh. "I completely blew him off. Told him to just stay in the closet and insulted him, and all of that stuff I do best… God, I really can be a bastard sometimes."

He had set his gaze on a picture on the opposite wall, not wanting to focus on anything else. He was only drawn away when he felt Kurt's hand slip into his own, and he immediately relaxed. It felt like someone was sitting on his chest, it hurt so much to just breathe. He shouldn't have blown the guy off like that. But he remembered that day. That was the day he left Scandal's early to go see Kurt. The day right after Kurt found out about Blaine, and wound up calling Sebastian a whore. How the hell could he possibly forget that?

And he'd been pissed. No. If he had been pissed, that entire day would have gone differently. Sebastian had been hurt. He'd been hurt, and did what he always did: cover it with jokes and insults. And now some guy was lying in the hospital, all because Sebastian had to be so goddamn egocentric. Sebastian wasn't naïve enough to think he could have prevented it by telling Karofsky the best way to get laid, but if he had just been less offensive about the whole thing, maybe that would have done something.

He looked over when he felt Kurt press into his side, and his hand automatically moved back to wrap around his waist. He sighed and leaned his head on Kurt's shoulder. "It's not your fault, either." Kurt whispered. Sebastian couldn't help but smile at how Kurt knew what he was thinking.

"No, but I definitely didn't help."

"What's it like?"

"Hmm? " Sebastian sat back up and unwound himself from around Kurt, his face a perfect picture of confusion at the question that had come from out of the blue.

With a sigh, Kurt pushed himself up and eyed Sebastian carefully. This was not a question he would have asked under any other circumstances. "I get that he tried to hang himself and the reasons were way different, so you don't exactly know what he was going through." Kurt shrugged, conceding to himself that this might be overstepping his boundaries. Even if he and Sebastian had been dating for ten years, it would never be his place to ask. But he needed to know. "What exactly was it like? When you tried to… do what he did?"

Sebastian was taken aback by the question. He let his hand slip out of Kurt's and could only look at his boyfriend wide-eyed, unsure if he had heard right. When he realized that he had, his expression became blank. That wasn't something he thought about, it wasn't something he liked to think about. Up until he'd told Kurt about attempting, it hadn't even crossed his mind in months.

His unwillingness to even think about it must have been clearly etched across his face. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked. It's just, I can't imagine it. That's a lie, yes I can." Kurt admitted to himself. Sebastian shifted on the couch so that they were actually facing one another, and Kurt shrugged. "I can understand what it's like to be so low you can't think of anything else. I've wanted to do it so badly, but I never actually… " He shook his head, not trusting himself to go any further.

Sebastian wasn't stupid. He had put two and two together, from their past conversations and the things Kurt resorted to for relief. He had pretty much figured that Kurt would have at least thought about suicide. Truth be told, the more he came to care about Kurt, the more he feared that an attempt was inevitable. But so far he had been safe. Kurt didn't know what it was like to make an effort to end his life, and Sebastian thanked a God he wasn't quite sure he believed in for that.

"It sucked." Sebastian eventually said, then had to laugh at the bluntness of the phrase. "I was pissed at my parents, and I had just had enough of…everything. I don't even remember it that much, just grabbing the first bottle of alcohol I could find once I was sure my parents were gone. Then I found my mom's pills and went crazy with them. I didn't realize what I was doing until I'd already taken half the pills, but I was too out of it by then to care. I think I wanted to stop. I wanted to just throw them all up, but I wasn't able to stop." His voice had grown softer, and at some point during his telling, Kurt had wrapped an arm around his shoulder. Sebastian looked over to give him an appreciative smile before continuing.

"So, I don't remember actually doing it. But I remember my dad coming down to the kitchen and yelling. He snatched the pills out of my hand and it's all sort of blurry after that." Once again, he had to pause to chuckle to himself. "The last thing I remember before waking up in the hospital was apologizing to him." That's the only part about that night he could recall in vivid detail. Lying on the linoleum floor of their kitchen, seeing his father screaming at him with a look of horror but not being able to actually hear him. The only thing he could hear was himself mumbling in every language he knew – _"__j'suis désolé, het spijt mij, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry"- _until he wasn't sure if it was him crying or his father.

He had to make an effort to snap himself out of the memory in order to continue. "Next thing I know, I'm in the hospital and then everything just get's all jumbled together. Apparently, my stomach wasn't used to having so much in it so I started throwing the pills back up naturally. Otherwise I'd have taken too many before they had the chance to get the rest out. You ever had to get your stomach pumped?" Kurt shook his head. "Pray you never have to. It's fucking awful."

He finally trailed off, suddenly feeling exhausted. With a heavy sigh, he leaned back into the couch and let his eyes fall closed. Kurt watched him warily, feeling an ache in his chest. He shouldn't have asked, he knew it would make Sebastian uncomfortable. And yet, it was almost a relief. Knowing that he had to go through that hurt, but the fact that he was able to replay it all back for Kurt here and now was just a reminder that he'd made it through. Just like Dave had made it through.

That's what he needed to focus on. Not what might have happened, but how things had played out in the end. He placed his hand on top of Sebastian's and squeezed it lightly, bringing his boyfriend back to reality before deciding to voice his own plan.

"I'm going to see him after school tomorrow. And… after Regionals, I want to tell my dad." He looked up from his lap to turn towards Sebastian. He had been wanting to tell his father about everything for the last couple of weeks, but it had never seemed the right time until now. "About everything. The not eating, the cutting, us. I just, I hate lying to him. He deserves to know." He said it with a determination he hadn't heard from himself in months.

Sebastian scanned Kurt's face, taking in every last freckle and contour that told him Kurt was deadest on this happening. He knew this was something Kurt needed to do. "Want me to be there with you?" He offered, though he wasn't about to take no for an answer. It didn't look like he would have to contend with that, if Kurt's nod was any indication.

"You don't have to go with me to the hospital, I'm not gonna ask that from you. But yes, I want you with me when I tell my dad. If you're alright with that." Sebastian nodded slowly, and Kurt immediately felt a weight being lifted from his chest. He didn't think he'd be able to go through it without Sebastian. No, that's not true. He knew he could push himself to be upfront with his father, he just didn't want to. Sebastian had been there with him up until this point; it only seemed fitting that he be there for this.

Now that it didn't feel like his heart wasn't about to beat out of his chest, Kurt sighed and let himself sink into the couch. God, today had been so exhausting.

Sebastian watched him from the corner of his eye. And only then, after they had both tired themselves out over the course of the last hour, did he realize just how good it was to see Kurt again. Talking on the phone and texting was completely different from actually being near him. Making a split second decision, he once again found his voice. "Any idea when your dad's expecting you home?"

That seemed to snap Kurt out of his wariness. He sat straight up on the couch and made to grab his phone out of his pocket. "Shit. I didn't even think to tell him I'd be late. I wasn't really thinking when I drove here, it just. . . happened." That seemed to be his reasoning for most things lately. They just happened.

"So what I'm hearing is," Sebastian took the opportunity to sit up, draping his arm around Kurt's shoulders and offering him a small smile, "that you have free reign to join me for dinner before heading home?"

At first, Kurt could only look at him, almost offended. Was now really the appropriate time for this? But then it dawned on him just what Sebastian was doing. He didn't want either of them to just sit here and wallow over the day's events. That wouldn't do any good. And Kurt appreciated that. "You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were offering to take me on a date." Kurt played back, giving a small smirk as well.

He could actually see the way Sebastian's expression lightened up. "And is that such a crime? I mean, I get that I'm new to this whole dating this, but isn't that part of the deal? Or," He changed his face into a look of mock hurt, "are you ashamed to be seen in public with me?"

Against his better judgment, Kurt laughed. It felt wrong, under the current circumstances, but he couldn't help it. And in return, Sebastian smiled. Kurt made a point of sighing over-dramatically, wanting to make a spectacle. "I guess if me saying no would be that traumatic to your confidence, then I don't really have a choice but to say yes."

"I'm glad you're willing to make that sacrifice." Sebastian smirked as he pushed himself up off of the couch. He held out his hand, which Kurt readily took, and hoisted the smaller boy up as well. Once they were face to face, he took the chance to kiss Kurt, already missing the taste of his lips after just a few days. If he was going to give this boyfriend thing a shot, he was going to do it well. "I also hope that sacrifice includes a desire for pizza, because that is what my stomach demands."

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**A/N:** So I know I start just about every note off like this, but I desperately need to apologize for the absence. Five months I'm ashamed of myself. But things got a bit hectic this last semester, and everything's been all over the place. But the good news is that I'm done with the school year and home for the summer. I meant to have this up last week, but family issues came up and my mind was somewhere completely different. Now I have a cold, so I finally had the time to finish it. And I found out earlier that I'm going to be aunt to a baby girl in a few months, and that good mood gave me the push I needed to finish this at 5am.

So as always, thank you so much for the reception. Someone pointed out that in my last author's note, I said I'd broken 150 and now I'm up to 174 and that's just mind-blowing. Really, I never imagined such lovely reviews when I first started this off and just thank you all so very much. And I have at least two future chapters planned out, and I know exactly what I want to do with the end of this story. It's coming up, guys.

That's really just about all I have to say. I had a whole other chapter between this one and the last, but I just could not make it come together, and it was more a filler while I tried to finish this anyways. I'm happy with how this worked out, and fun fact, it's the longest chapter so far just under 6,000 words. Next chapter, we're going to have Sebastian and Kurt pre-Regionals and some more relationship development and angry Warblers and some more goodies after that. So please, let me know what you think because I love getting your guys' reception. I hope you enjoyed, and stay tuned.


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